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Landlady

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I personally think this story is funny but if your sense of humour doesn’t happen to be the same as mine then I’m afraid you’re gonna be rather frightened by the time it’s finished. And, by the way, if any of you attempted to think it's awkwardly far-fetched, then you should stop, and ask yourself seriously whether such a thing as this could really happen The answer is yes, of course it could, even to you. Billy Weaver was travelling down from London on the slow afternoon train with a change at Swindon on the way. Sorry! I nodded off Excuse me, do you know Bath? Certainly. You, I take it, do not. No. This is my first visit. Vacation? No... ...I’ve been assigned to our branch office. You make yourself sound like a puzzle Mr. Greensled, he’s our personnel manager at head office in London ..he says... ...well, he says I’ll profit from the experience. I sincerely hope you do. And what line of business are you in? Insurance, all risks I suppose I could say the same Ah, yes Bath is a most beautiful city. You’ll like it, I’m sure One sometimes feels time stopped at Bath. ♪My bonnie lies over the ocean...♪ ♪ ...my bonnie lies over the sea ♪ My bonnie lies over the ocean... ♪...oh, bring back my bonnie to me. -Goodbye! -Goodbye! Ah...you could try the "Bell and Dragon" ...straight down the road about ¼ of a mile, ...they might take you, ...you can't miss it, AA recommend it. Right, thanks. But if they're full, there are plenty of B&Bs in Bath, and much cheaper, of course. B&Bs? Bed and breakfasts landladies, keepers, roller towels Good luck. God bless. Bye-bye He'll be here soon, I can feel it. See boy. You've made up your mind really. You know you have. [Doorbell rings] Please come in. Oh! I hadn't taken my finger off the bell Do come in. It's so cold out, isn't it? Ah yes, but um... You saw the notice in the window? Yes. Ah, yes I did. I knew you would. You knew? Yes, that's why I put it there. You need a room? Well, yes, as a matter of fact. It's all ready for you, my dear. But I was going to the Bell and Dragon. They're full. Full? They always telephone me when they are. We always have a little joke about it. I'm their overflow, a sort of annex to the official hotel. Do come out of the cold. Yes... Thank you... Oh, excuse my asking but-- Four pounds You won't find anywhere more reasonable and that includes an egg for breakfast. oh... Well, that's fantastic. The Bell and Dragon charges more than double. But they're full anyway. Exactly! What we used to call commercial travelers, I would never take that sort of person. Do come in. I always double chain at night. Safer! Welcome Home, dear. Home? I tell all my guests that: to treat my house as home. Home from home, dear! Oh, do put your hat there. And let my help you with your coat. Thank you very much. I expect you're from London, aren't you? That's right, yes. You'll find Bath so much more restful. Shall I lead the way? Oh, please. We have the house all to ourselves. The fact is, I'm just a teeny-weeny bit choosy. Particular if you see what I mean. Yes- But I'm always ready. Be prepared! As they used to say in the Girl Guides. Everything's always ready here. Just on the off chance that an acceptable young gentleman should come along. And it's such a pleasure when I do happen to open the door and see someone standing there who's just exactly right. Like you, dear. This mall is mine. I shouldn't rely on that, dear. It stopped ages ago! I see. Quite. Do you intend to work in Bath? Yes! I've been sent down to our Branch office. What fun. Oh, no. After you, dear. It's your room. Thank you. It's superb. It's very nice. I'm so very glad you like it dear. The morning sun comes right in the window, Mr. Perkins. It is Mr. Perkins, isn't it? No. It's Weaver as a matter of fact. William Weaver. Of course, Mr. Weaver. How silly of me. Weaver. Such a nice, reliable name, too. I've put a hot water bottle in your bed it's such a comfort don't you think? To find a hot water bottle in a strange bed. and do light the gas fire at any time if you feel chilly. Thank you. That's very kind. I'm so glad you materialized I was beginning to get worried in case my inner voice had let me down. Inner voice? Intuition, dear. Then just as I thought it had got too late, there you were. Now, how about supper? Oh, I'm not hungry, thank you. I had some sandwiches on the train. My Mother made them. Ham and Watercrest. How nice. Plenty of iron in watercrest. Good for the blood. So, I think I'll go straight to bed as I have to get up rather early, you see. So as to report to the office Of course, dear. Oh, um. The you-know-where is at the end of the passage. Well, I'll leave you to unpack. Before you go to bed would you be so kind as to pop downstairs and sign the guest book on the piano. Everyone has to. It's the law of the land, and we don't want to go breaking the law, do we? Now remember Bassie, no barking when he comes down. Dear Mum and Dad, just a quick news flash to say I've arrived in one piece. Good lodgings, with a nice landlady. Bit crazy, but okay. Sort of everyone's favorite Aunt, very cozy. Don't let my awful sisters drag you down, Joke. Love, Billy. Ah, I'm so glad you remembered the book. That's funny... Hmm? These names... Gregory Temple and Christopher Malholland. Oh, such charming boys. They sound sorta familiar. Do they? Hmm. I'm sure I've heard of them somewhere before. Really? What fun! Was it in the papers? Oh, I shouldn't have thought so, dear. Perhaps they're famous. Footballers or pop stars. Famous? No. But they were extraordinarily handsome. And the dates. This entry is over two years old! And Christopher Malholland nearly a year before that. July 1975... How time does fly, Mr. Wilkins! Weaver! W-E-A-V-E-R Silly me. I do apologize. In one ear and out the other, that's me. Weaver, Mr. Weaver. Weaver. I must cement it in my mind. It's kinda peculiar you see, Malholland and Temple sort of connect together in my mind. Like Laurel and Hardy, you know? I don't dear. Your tea's poured out. Oh, you shouldn't have bothered- It was no trouble. Do come and sit down. That's right, by me dear. [Laughter] What I mean is, is... It's stupid. It's on the tip of me tongue. Now where have I heard those two names before? The best thing is not to think about it, dear. Verity come. Milk or lemon? Hmm? It's China tea. oh, milk please. Thank you. Got it! Malholland! Sugar? He was on a walking tour of the West country and--oh! Three lumps please. He was just a school boy at Eton-- Oh, no, dear. That can't be right. My Mr. Malholland was at Cambridge. He was an undergraduate. Ah! Biscuit? Yes, please. How cozy. The fire isn't too hot for you, is it? Oh, no. I do hope you like China tea. Yes. It's very nice, thank you. Dear Mr. Malholland. Such a one for his tea. I never saw anyone drink so much tea. Ha! Has he stayed with you recently? Sweet boy. I know I saw his name in the papers. Oh! Oh, my. I like a ginger biscuit to be crisp. Mr. Malholland is staying here now. And Mr. Temple. They both stay with me. Oh? Will I meet them? D.B., as we say. mm? God willing, dear. oh! How old are you, Mr. um...Don't tell me! Will....Weaver! ha ha! There! Oh, what a relief! Yes, 18. I'm 18. 18. Oh, it's the perfect age. Mr. Malholland was...17 when he first stayed with me. He can't...he can't have been. He was. But you can't go to Cambridge when you're 17. You can if you're clever dear. He was terribly clever. A scholar. Very studious. He was a trifle shorter than you, and his teeth weren't quite so white as yours. You have the most beautiful teeth, Mr. Weaver. My Dad calls them my Whited Sepulcets. You should see the fillings at the back. Mr. Temple was rather older, 28 in fact, but I'd never have believed it if he hadn't told me. He hadn't a blemish on his body. A what? His skin was just like a baby's. More tea? No, thanks. That parrot When I first saw it- You thought it was alive? Yes. Alas, no. Poor Sinbad. Can I look? Of course, dear. Of course! Pretty boy! Oh! Sinbad always said that. So full of himself. It's amazingly clever. Who did it? It doesn't look dead at all! I know...I did it dear. You did!? Yes. Whew. Excuse me. I do...feel... This room does get very warm. Have you met Basil? That's why you didn't bark when I came in... Basil was a terrible barker. Ooh! He feels hard. Must be awfully hard to do a thing like that. On the contrary, no. Not a creature one has loved. That was one can go on loving him forever and ever and ever. Oh. I'm sorry. I must sit down. You did sign the book, didn't you? Yes. Good. More tea? No. Thank you. I stuff all my little pets When they pass away I'm glad you remembered the book Cause later in case I forget, and you know now what a one I am for forgetting... I can always pop down and look it up. I still do that everyday with Mr. Malholland and Mr...Mr... Oh, there. Gone again. Temple. I...I remember now. They were in the papers. I read....ah... bed time, dear. Up we go. Nearly there! he..lp... There's a good boy. In we go. The tea tasted bitter. Quite dear. Exactly. To help you sleep. No! Air! I must breathe! The place for you is bed, Billy. D'you... D'you undress me? Of course dear, and believe me you are just as handsome as the others. No need to blush. You're beautiful! Sleep tight, Mr. Wilkins! Still reading, Mr. Malholland! Can't you see that Mr. Temple wants to sleep! tsk tsk tsk tsk Lights out, boys!

Video Details

Duration: 24 minutes and 58 seconds
Country: United Kingdom
Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
Genre: None
Views: 210
Posted by: totleigh on Jan 28, 2011

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