Enhance Rapport with Mirroring_Final

>> Hey, everyone. I'm back again to talk about the incredibly powerful coaching skill known as mirroring. In the Health Coach Training Program, we give you a little peek into what mirroring is and how to use it with clients. Today, we'll explore this in more depth. Mirroring, simply put, means copying the person you're speaking with subtly through body language, words, tone of voice, and presentation. Appropriately using mirroring in coaching helps us to establish rapport, convey that you're listening, make clients feel understood, foster empathy, and increase likeability. Mirroring is actually a psychological construct, and it's an innate tendency that we're born with. Babies mimic those around them in order to establish connections with others and with particular body movements. Have you ever observed this? We mirror each other subconsciously as adults too all the time. For example, when we're focused in on a conversation, we tend to match the facial expressions of the person we're speaking with. Observe two people engage in a conversation today and watch out for this. Mirroring is functional because it makes us feel connected by establishing sameness and a cooperative rhythm. When we become connected to someone, mirroring becomes almost like an intimate dance. This is best observed when you watch a couple who's been dating for a while. Notice how their mannerisms often imitate one another and the way that their communication styles influence each other. Their communication almost flows in a synchronized complementary state. This is, platonically, of course, the type of state we ideally want to achieve with our clients. So the question is when we work with our clients how do we intentionally use mirroring to create a feeling of sameness, connection, and understanding in a way that feels natural? I'll share with you four ways. The first is through body language. Specifically, we do this by mirroring posture, gestures, and facial expressions. When we're tuned in, we do this automatically. So what we want to do is to make sure we are tuned in and that we are doing these things. We can do this by listening actively and focusing intently on our clients while remaining mindful to very subtly simulate what they're doing. The next is through our voice. We can mirror volume, pace, pitch, and tone of voice. When our clients are loud and intense, we want to meet them in that excited state. And when they're speaking in a more hushed whisper, we want to create that synchronicity and meet them in a quiet space. The same goes for their tone, pace, and pitch. When we mirror clients where they're at and match our speaking style in a way that's natural but complementary, it feels to them like we're entering into their experience and we're on the same page. The third way to mirror is through vocabulary or word choice. To create a feeling of sameness, we want to use the style of language that our clients use. For example, as a coach, I personally don't like to use the term diet in my work. But if I have a client who shares his or her experience with weight loss and repeatedly uses the word diet to describe their experience, I'm going to meet him or her on their level and talk about that "diet" with them. This isn't to say that I wouldn't later introduce the concept of ditching the diet mentality by reframing it as releasing excess weight, for example, but when I'm with my clients talking about what's going on in their worlds, I'll copy the language that they use to describe that world. The fourth type of mirroring that will go over today is reflection. This is when we reflect the content of what's being said. We're literally just repeating back an important word, phrase, or concept that they've shared with us. If a client says to you, "I'm ready to quit smoking." And you say back to them, "You're ready to quit smoking." You've mirrored their content. This may seem really simple or even silly, but it's so powerful. When we restate an important thing our client says, we're reaffirming their verbal commitment or the declaration they've made. This helps them to solidify their commitment to what they've shared, and it shows that you're tuned into and on board with them. So to recap, you can mirror your clients by subtly replicating their body language, speech style, vocabulary, and content. To help you apply this information, I'll share with you three tips on how to mirror like a pro. Ready? One, use mirroring regularly, but use it sparingly. Mirroring should become a feature of your communication style, but you don't want to overdo it. You want to create a flow and a connection, but don't copy everything your client does, that'll sound weird. Just try it out a little bit here and there, and see how it goes. Proper mirroring is a series of tiny adjustments, not an ongoing intensive activity. If you're thinking about it too much or becoming too hyperaware, let it go. Refocus on active listening. Intentional mirroring becomes second nature with practice. But what we figured out, we don't want to get stuck on it at the expense of missing out on what's going on. Two, be natural. The goal is to create a harmonious flow with your client and join them on their level, not to mimic. Subtlety is key when it comes to mirroring. It's not a game of Simon Says, and you definitely don't want to come off looking like you're parroting your client. It's way too easy to mimic instead of mirror. Instead concentrate on joining your client, stepping into their shoes, and getting into their world. Feel what it's like to embody their presence, and their mannerisms, and to speak how they do. By paying attention to why they do what they do and what it feels like, you join their plane of being and enhance your connectedness and empathy with them. This is quite different from just imitating postures, sounds, and words. Three, finally, use mirroring to leave clients into productive shifts. This is really cool. Once you have a good command of it, you can use mirroring as a tool to shape your client's behaviors or speech toward desirable outcomes. When you and your client are closely and cooperatively connected in a mirrored state, you're both tuned in to each other. Once you've gained their trust, from there, you can lead them to subconsciously mirror you. This can help you encourage them towards more positive behaviors. For example, let's say your client is in an unenergized state today, they're slouching in their seat, and they're speaking quietly with little enthusiasm. After joining your client at their level, by sitting in a more relaxed posture and speaking in a calm voice, you can start to dial it up on your end. So you set up tall, and you gradually begin increasing the volume of your voice and putting a little more pep in your tone. From there, your client without even realizing it will just begin to perk up and join you. So now you're both in energized state that's conducive to work, and you got there by leading rather than forcing your client or stopping to talk about it. So to recap what we've learned, mirroring is something we all do subconsciously, but we can harness it and deepen it, as coaches, to create purposeful outcomes for our clients. Using this skill helps us to build rapport and can even influence our client's behavior subtly in a positive direction to make our sessions even more productive. To get comfortable with the concept of mirroring and applying it to your own interactions, practice to speak in your conversations with friends and family. Luckily, the people who are close to us are often our best critics. So if we're not being natural or mimicking rather than joining, we can count on them to let us know, and it won't be a big deal. I hope this was helpful, and I look forward to seeing you soon. Goodbye.