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Ellen for President

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Who drove here today? Anybody driving here today? 谁是开车过来的?今天谁开车了? So did I, and I--you know. See, I'm driving to work today 我也是,额,我今天开车来上班的路上 and I-- Here, I want to show you what I saw. It was really exciting. 而且...让我给你们看一下我今天所见,很让人兴奋 I'm driving. 我当时正在开车 You can imagine my excitement when the car in front of me had this bumper sticker on it. 你可以想象一下当我看到前面这辆车上有这么个贴纸的时候我有多兴奋 Look at that! 看看! (支持Winfrey DeGeneres参加2016总统大选) (支持Winfrey DeGeneres参加2016总统大选) (Winfrey是脱口秀主持人奥普拉姓氏) (Degeneres是艾伦姓氏) It's a little blurry 'cause I was driving really, really fast, 看着有点模糊,因为我当时车速很快 so, uh-- No, I didn't take a picture when I was driving. 额,其实我开车的时候没拍照片 That'd be dangerous. I was stopped. But then I thought, 那就太危险了,这是我停着的时候拍的。我当时转念一想 "Wow, there's someone with my last name and Oprah's last name running for Vice President and President of the United States.” 居然有人的名字是我和Oprah的名字组成的,而且还要去竞选美国总统和副总统 It's exciting. And then, ah, no. 太让人兴奋了,那个,其实不是 It was really somebody's wishful thinking, 其实只是某个人的幻想而已 and so, I'm flattered that someone thought of that, 所以,我有些受宠若惊 and then I was like, "How dare you?” 然后我又想,“胆子也太大了?!” Really, I can't be President How come she's President? and I'm Vice President? 凭什么我不能做总统?而是她当总统我当副总统 I could be President. I was the president of the Squirrels and Bird Association of Metarie, LA when I was seven years old. 我也能当总统,我七岁时是路易斯安那州Metairie市鸟类和松鼠协会的主席 (主席和总统为同一单词) In my backyard. 在我的后院里 I was overthrown by a squirrel named Lars, 但是最后被一只叫Lars的松鼠起义推翻了 but that's not the point. 但是这不是问题关键 I'm flattered that people would t 我真的很惊讶人们会将我... I mean, what a wonderful thing that somebody would trust me to run the country, 我想说,人们信任我来管理这个国家是一件多么美妙的感觉 but if I want real power in changing people's lives, I think I should stay right here. 但是我想如果真的想改变人们的生活的话,待在这里应该是更好的选择 I think that's the best thing to do. 我觉得这才是最好的选择 Spread love... and joy... 散播爱...还有愉悦... but I have to admit, when I saw that bumper sticker, I couldn't help but think 但是必须承认,当我看到那张贴画的时候,我情不自禁的想 what a day as President would be like. I would imagine it would be something like this. 总统的一天会是什么样的,我幻想可能是这样 Yes, President DeGeneres here, yes. 没错,我是Degeneres总统,对的 No! Yes, very urgent. 不行!对,十分紧急 Absolutely not. No onions, no. 绝对不要!不要洋葱,别加 And dressing on the side. 要在边上加上沙拉酱 Thank you very much. 非常感谢 All right, let's see, laws! 好了,让我们处理一下立法吧 The laws under my presidency. Uh...uh... 我治理下的法律...嗯... The official animal of America will be the baby goat. 美国的国兽改为小山羊 (现在的国兽是秃鹰,哺乳动物类为美国野牛) And, ah, let's see. 还有... As of today, your horn 今天,你的车喇叭.. That's right, if you honk your horn the second after the light turns green, you lose your privilege to drive. 这个没问题,如果你在变绿灯后就开始鸣笛,将吊销你的驾驶资格 From henceforth on, it shall be illegal to enter a Starbucks unless you already know your order, that's right. 从现在开始,进入星巴克之后而不知道自己想点什么将违法,通过 Furthermore, if I watch "The Bachelor Tells All” and The Bachelor does not tell all in fact, 另外,“单身汉实话实说”节目中的单身汉们要是没说实话 he will be arrested, 'cause ain't nobody got time for that. 他会被逮捕,因为没人听你扯那些有的没的 And finally... it's now against the law to sing "Let It Go" in public. 最后,公众场合唱“Let it Go”将被视为违法行为 If a person is caught doing so, their bank accounts will be frozen. 如果某人这样做,他的银行账户会被”冻结“ Fair and funny. Okay... I'm good at this job. 公平也很有意思,我还是挺擅长这工作的 Uh, Craig? Could you send in Andy for his 1:00 briefing? Craig?你能把那个要在1点钟做短述的Andy叫进来吗? Right away, ma’am. 马上,夫人 (Brief既有简短报告也有短裤的意思) You have been briefed 你已经短裤完了 Craig, can you send in the other Andy for his 1:01 p.m. briefing? Craig,你能把要在1点01来报告工作的Andy叫进来吗 Right away, ma’am. 马上 Really smooth. I just received a letter, and uh, this is from my secretary, 相当顺利,我刚刚从我秘书那里拿到一封信 and I would like you to read it out loud for me, because I have not read it yet 希望你能帮我读一下,因为我还没看 and I'd like you to read it to me, please. 而我比较希望你能读给我 Out loud, and please project. 大点声,最好再有点语气 A hoarder named Porter 一个叫做Porter的藏宝人 (绕口令开始) ordered 44 Ecuadorian quarters 订了44个厄瓜多尔25分硬币 To Fort 寄到Fort... A hoarder named Porter 一个叫做Porter的藏宝人 ordered 44 Ecuadorian quarters 订了44个厄瓜多尔25分硬币 to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. 寄到Lauderdale堡 And here is the information you've requested on our nation's penal code 以下是你要求的有关性法典的信息 (Penal Code应为刑法典,但是Penal也听起来像Penis) The penal code is a-- 性法典是... How old are you? 你多大了? The penal code is a set of penal laws and which, if broken, will result in moderate to severe penalization 性法典是一系列的性法,如果被违反,将会处以中度到重度性事处罚 Thank you. Please leave me. 谢谢,你可以走了 Ah! I have made new laws, check! 我制定了新法律,完成! I have briefed Andys, check. 我给了Andy们短裤和短述,完成! Ah, "set presidential TV to record 'Scandal.’" 还有一项,把电视设为录制”丑闻“电视剧 That is correct. That's what I need to do. 没错,我该解决这个 Where is my-- Here's my remote. All right. 我的遥控器去哪...了?这里 Seems to be broken. Craig, my TV is broken again. 好像是坏了。Craig,电视又坏了 Please send someone in to fix it. I need a fixer. 找个人来修一下,我需要一个修理工 Yes, please come in. 请进 (Kerry Washington:”丑闻“电视剧女主) Madame President. 总统女士 I hear you're having problems with your television. 我听说你电视出问题了 Yes, yes, I need you to fix it. Can you fix it? 对,我需要你修一下,你能行吗? Well, since I'm here, I'll fix it. 既然来都来了,我肯定能修好 Where's your TV? 电视在哪呢? It's over there, you see it? 那边,看到了吗 Okay, fixed. 搞定! I also set it for the Oscars, 'cause I'm presenting again this Sunday. 我还把频道设置到了奥斯卡,因为我这周日要去主持 Oh, well, congratulations on that. 是吗?恭喜啊 So, Madame President. I feel that the best thing-- unless you need something else from me. 额,总统女士,我感觉最好的事,如果你不需要我做别的事了 No 没了 I think the best thing for this country, truly, would be if you would...dance. 这个国家能得到的最好的礼物就是你能...跳一支舞 Oh! Well, then, I shall do so. 这样!那我就跳一支

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Duration: 5 minutes and 56 seconds
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Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
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Views: 32
Posted by: dannydanny on Apr 29, 2016

Ellen for President

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