What does your face say
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Hi I am Michal Berg,
and today I want to speak about
our facial expression
and how that effects
our communication with our children.
You know, if we would film ourselves
throughout the day
from the morning to night
interacting with our kids,
and just looking at our faces,
focusing on our faces,
we would be so surprised
by what we see.
We do not realize how
throughout the day
when our kids talk to us
or our kids ask us questions,
how distracted we are
and how our face is saying
total different things than
what we think we are projecting.
I cannot tell you how many times
me kids used to ask me:
"Are you okay?"
And I say: "Yeah,
of course, I am okay".
Because when they talked to me,
I was in a different place.
I was thinking about
something about work,
I was thinking about something
that I need to do,
I was thinking about
whatever, the news.
And they are like:
"Are you okay?"
And I am like:
"Yeah, yeah, I am okay.
I am fine".
So there is a real benefit
to be aware of our face expression
when we speak to our kids.
And especially when
they are younger too,
because they might translate
our faces to a different massage
than we want them to.
So when my kid asks me a question
or is telling me something,
the first important thing to do
is to really stop looking at the phone,
stop washing the dishes
or whatever we do
and actually look at them,
look at them.
And if we even can have a little smile
on our face,
that would even be better.
And really listen to them.
And if I want
to communicate something,
even when I am, let's say,
no so satisfied or happy
with something they did,
how harsh my face is?
How much anger
they see on my face?
And the opposite,
when I am happy
with them and really glad about
something they did,
how much do I express that?
So some of us are more animated
than others, and some of us
do probably a better job than others,
but just to be aware of that
when I talk to my child,
my face sends
a very strong message.
And what message I want it to be?
So let's try first really look at them,
have an eye contact,
and then really express
the happiness,
the love that I feel for them.
I can actually feel great love
toward my child and
not show it in my face.
Or if I am angry,
how angry and criticizing
and how judging do I look?
Do I really want to give
all that impression
or maybe I need to moderate
it a little bit?
So let's pay attention to our faces.
What message are we
sending our children?
Thank you.