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Robert Krzisnik on the Essence of NVC

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I am personally not very happy with the name "Nonviolent communication" Because it tends to hint that it is only about communication and that it's a communication model. And for me, in my experience, it is way more than that It's approach to life, it's the way to live life. In my understanding, Nonviolent communication has three main pillars. One pillar has to do with self-expression. So it's exploration how can I fully express what is alive in me. How can I fully express it, so that I'm not holding myself back. I'm not being nice, I'm not being polite but I'm fully expressing myself. However, to do it in a way that it is possible for the other people to hear it. Because if I express myself in a way that makes it impossible or very difficult for you to hear it, I am not meeting my goal of connecting with other people. So it's about honest self-expression in a way that will make it possible for other people to hear it. Or to connect to what's actually happening in me. The other part is: how can I hear what's happening in you. Eventhough your words may not be perfect. Eventhough you may be enraged, shut down in pain or you are not using honest language. So how can I still connect with you, so that I can undestand and come in touch with what has been happening in you. And this way I can slowly, step-by-step create a connection. And for me, when I create a connection, that's the very basis which will enable us to figure out how we can coexist so that it will work out for everybody. The third, maybe the most important part of nonviolent communication is creating self-connection. Self-connection means establishing a language with myself that goes beyond the language I was trained into using. Because we were trained through socialization to use the language of evaluating ourselves. Or labelling ourselves: Oh, I am such a failure. I'm stupid. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be doing that. Punishing ourselves and demanding from ourselves and so forth. And it's a life-alienating language. A language with which I'm making distinctions. I'm suffocating life in me. So one of the core three things in Nonviolent communication for me is also how can I establish a language in relation to myself that's going to embrace the whole of me. Rather than just to figure out which is the good Robert, the right, the corrrect Robert and then deny the rest. So it's really about creating a connection: self-connection and connection with the other. And in this way trying to learn to live a life that will consider the whole. It's not going to be a life of separation but rather a life of connection. It will eventually bring inner fulfillment and peace. And also fulfilment and peace in relation to others. And with life. So that's the essense for me.

Video Details

Duration: 3 minutes and 59 seconds
Country: Czech Republic
Language: English
Genre: None
Views: 91
Posted by: ivanka on Sep 9, 2013

From an interview with Robert Krzisnik, CNVC certified NVC trainer

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