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Carol Burnett - Dentist

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(N) Right this way Mr. Schlesinger (P) Well thank you.

(N) It always seems to happen on a Sunday doesn't it?

(P) Oh boy I tell you it really hurts

(N) Dr. Kiefer will be with you in a minute.

(P) Dr. Kiefer! What happened to Dr. Burmar?

(N) Oh he's out of town. He's breaking in a new partner, His son-in-law.

(P) It doesn't hurt that much... (N) You won't find another dentist on Sunday...

(P) Yeah, I guess you're right. You sure he knows what he is doin'?

(N) Dr. Keifer just graduated from dental school.

As a matter of fact, you're his very first patient. So he may be a little nervous.

(P) He won't be the only one...

(N) [knocks on door] Dr. Kiefer?

(DR) Yes Ms... (N) Your first patient is waiting. (Ah!)

(DR) Eh! He's still here!

(N) Doctor, he's waiting... (DR) Oh, yeah, oh boy...

I thought we were just going to come in and practice today,

I didn't know we were gonna... (N) He'll be right with you...

(DR) Hello (P) Hello Doctor.

(P) Uh (DR) Well that'll be twenty dollars.

Twenty dollars! You haven't, You haven't, haven't done anything yet...

(DR) Fifteen... Maybe...

(P) Look Doctor, please listen to me... I have, have, a terrible toothache. I'm in terrible pain.

I want you to do something to stop the pain. Either fill the tooth or pull it!

(DR) Oh gosh! Uh...

Well I had "C's"...

(P) "C's"?

(DR) Yeah, "C's" in dental school - filling and pulling. I only got "C's"... That was just kinda an average grade.

I got "A's" in cleaning though... You want me to clean it for ya'?

(P) Will it stop the pain? (DR) No, but it'll look great!

Boy I can polish right up for ya'...

(P) Give me the "C's"... Give me the "C's"... (DR) "C's"... Oh boy...

Gosh, uh... Well uh...

Uh, I cheated on my final...

And besides, I had Mononucleosis the last semester so I didn't get the chance to work on people

like the other guys. Most of my work was just done with animals.

(P) I don't... I don't care about animals just please fix this tooth!

(DR) Yeah, but it isn't the same working on animals and people... I...

(P) Doctor I don't care! Please, I'm in terrible pain!

(DR) Yeah (P) Please!

(DR) Well, I can give it a try...

(P) What's this?

(DR) It's a doggy treat...

You wanna go outside for awhile?

(P) No I'm fine... Thank you... (DR) Good boy... Okay...

(P) Please stop, would you please do something about this tooth?

(DR) Yeah, right... Well... I guess you better wash up...

I better wash up, no sense in you washing up.

You wouldn't be putting your hand in my mouth so I'll wash up.

There we go...

[ blows on hands to dry them ]

Say, say, did you hear the one about the guy who had an electric toothbrush?

He used to brush after ever meal and see his electrician twice a year...

♪ Brush, brush, brush your teeth, brush 'em everyday ♪

♪ Mother, Sister, Brother, Father, brush them every way. ♪

-School song -[Sighs]

(DR) Well! Let's just have an 'ole look at that here Excuse me a minute... just uh...

Let's see now... (P) Hurry

(DR) Oh, on second thought I don't think I will take a look at it.

(P) Oh well now what?

(DR) Well my mother gave me these for graduation...

(P) Well so what!?

(DR) Well you're going to get them all icky...

(P) No I won't... No I won't (DR) You won't... Mmmkay

Maybe we can wait until it just falls out... You know?

(P) Please! Please! Doctor! (DR) Okay...

Ah! See! I was right...

(P) What?

(DR) Well you got it all icky...

Here you go. Better rinse out a little bit. There ya go. Just...

[ looking for place to spit mouthwash ]

I don't have a bowl...

Uh, mom was going to get me that too, but she just ordered it, it won't be here until Tuesday.

You wanna wait 'till Tuesday?

[ swallows mouthwash ]

(DR) You don't wanna wait huh? No, okay...

(P) Oh doctor please, please!

Get this, get this tooth out of my mouth now! (DR) Alright, well..

Let's see now, if we're going to pull her out, we'll have to have those "Pully" things...

the "Pully's" and...

Let's see...

"Pinchy" things...

and the little "Picky" things... There...

Pinchy... Picky.... Pully...

Okay, I'll get my manual Just a minute on that...

Alright, here...

Okay, now, let's see here, we wanna pull your tooth out... So... P... P...

P-u

P-u-l

P-u-l-l

Pull tooth... T

T

T-o

T-o-o

T-o-o-t-h. Here we are...

Pull your tooth out...

Boy this is gonna hurt...

(P) Doctor, if it's gonna hurt, please give me something to kill the pain.

(DR) Yeah... Okay, well, got some Novocaine right here...

Just uh, hold on to that a minute let's see how this works here...

Okay... Novocaine... Here we are... Novocaine...

Take a firm hold of the hypodermic needle... Right...

Boy...

There'll be a little bit of pain, and then numbness will set in...

Well, uh... I guess we'll get right to it...

Okay...

Uh... I'll just give you a little shot here...

We're gonna...

We'll be right with 'ya...

Well... Let me look at... [ fly buzzing around work area ] Uh, just uh... trying...

Better, uhm...

Better look at it a little...

closer with the light...

Oh, sorry, uh, didn't uh, didn't uh, miss, OH!

Well, now, that'll be twenty dollars.

(P) [spits another tooth out] (DR) That'll be forty...

Video Details

Duration: 9 minutes and 10 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Genre: None
Views: 1,472
Posted by: quickok on Sep 1, 2013

One of Carol Burnett's segments called the Misfit Dentist. A new dentist receives his first patient with a severe toothache. Extremely nervous, the new dentist attempts to have his first patient pay and leave without providing services. It comedic-ally goes downhill from there.

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