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How to Get Women

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-What's happenin' forum? Hey, you and I are friends, right? You know, like every now and then we feel the need to do a little chest bump, like these people. -Come over there. -Oh no, you're already going. -One, two, three. Oh, my God! -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I mean, yeah. He knocked her on her ass. Oh, my God! But what do you expect when the guy like throws his shoulder into it like he's... And boom goes the dynamite. But adding to that, some chick comes up afterwards and is all like... "Did somebody just die?" -Did somebody just die? -Yeah, something died: that dude's chances of getting laid. So speaking of being a failure with women, this next video got like 100,000 views. It's like these kids at a wedding. You know, these cute little girls over here are dancing, and I guess the dad or someone tells this little boy here to cut in. -Cut in. Cut in. Get that girl. Cut in. -Get used to it, kid, 'cause it certainly doesn't get any easier. I mean, you can't help but feel sorry for him. I mean, look at the poor kid's face. That is the face of a man scorned by rejection. I actually love this video. It's like a microcosm of my entire dating history. You now what kid? Don't even worry about it. 'Cause soon enough, you'll be doing all kinds of s--t to try to impress these ladies like, "Hey baby, you wanna see how strong I am? Let's chest bump." -Ahh! -But here's the thing kid, you have to remember, if you get rejected, it's not you, it's them. Their taste in men is all f--ked up. At least that's what I say when the girls reject me. No, but here's the thing, kid. Picking up women is really really easy. Just do what I do. Just go up to them like, "I bought you a drink. No, take it, it's yours. Come on, I bought it for you. Take it, it's yours. Well here, have it. No, it's yours. I said take the f--king roofie!" All right, so this last video, and it's kind of a common tale where it had 60,000 views and then a viral video website got it over a million views. So there's this security guard at a convenience store. He sees like a crime happening and he starts running over it. -Attention all units, we have a possible 407 in progress. Oh, balls! I'm too old for this s--t. -And of course, he runs off and leaves his gun there on the floor. Now, as much as I respect law enforcement and the dangers they encounter on every single shift, let's see that again in slow motion. -What? There's a minority outside minding his own business? Well, I'll show him. Whoa, cartwheel. -No, now to be fair to Paul Blart there, it wasn't a robbery at all. This footage was shot in Russia apparently where there was an earthquake which is why everyone in the floor flipped out. -Judo flip! -[Russian accent]: In Soviet Russia, turnstile turn you. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. No, but I understand their need to get out of the building, but in all honesty, the guy shouldn't have dropped his gun like that. Oh wait, actually no, that one kid, this lonely little guy here, he needs to pick up that gun and use like, "Bitch, I said I'm cutting in!" No, that's totally what I would do. I mean, what? But you now what always cuts in out of nowhere? The comment ques-- -Hey Ray, my comment question for you is, whatcha got there? -So...whatcha got there? Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comments section below. But thanks for watching today's episode of =3. I'm Ray William Johnson and I approve this message. So tell me forum, if you could have an extra body part for a day, what would it be? [Stalkin' Your Mom by Wax playing] Captioned by SpongeSebastian Oh come on. Come back bitch, I was just playin'.

Video Details

Duration: 4 minutes and 8 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: Ray William Johnson
Director: Ray William Johnson
Views: 208
Posted by: spongesebastian on Aug 24, 2010

Equals Three with RayWilliamJohnson. (Captioned using UniversalSubtitles.org)

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