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Infant Male Decapitation (IMD): Debate

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Today on channel 13: the Pros and Cons of Decapitation Deciding whether or not to decapitate your baby boy is a tough decision that all U.S. parents must face. With the lack of consensus in the medical community, what is a concerned parent supposed to do? We here at channel 13 did our own investigation to help, and here's the report. Decapitation has a long history. Ancient Greeks decapitated men skilled at clepto-arts as a rite of passage over the river Styx. Egyptians were known to decapitate men to cure insanity. First, let's look at the pros of male decapitation. 1. A study conducted by Hebrew University and headed by Dr. Hymie Moschkevitz, doctor in sangophilic shadenfreudic pediatrics and extropent of bovine flatulence, concluded that neonatal, infant male decapitation was effective in preventing forehead cancer in almost 100% of the samples. 2. More than 90% of parents reported a significant reduction in crying from their baby boys after having routine neonatal decapitation performed. 3. The new "Smooth-decapulator" device offered by Olympic Medical provides soft straps which comfortably restrain baby boys about to be decapitated. 4. Decapitators use sterile instruments in a hospital setting and they wear white robes. 5. Women, Africans, and Jews reported that they strongly favor the look of headless baby boys over undecapitated baby boys. 6. Relatives of people decaptitated during the French Revolution expressed a strong desire for their baby boy's to resemble their relatives. This sample expressed high-medium to extremely high satisfaction towards routine infant male decapitation. 7. Female partners of decapitated males were shown to have a dramatic reduction in cervical cancer, breast cancer, and cooties, though some have shown increased rates of halitosis. 8. Decapitated males have been found not to oppose male decapitation. Lataqua Jones of Parsons Avenue, Columbus Ohio said, I don't want my baby to be put through the pain of decapitation, but if it means that he'll avoid forehead cancer later, I think it's worth it. And Ester Rothschild of Palm Springs, [Florida] said, I think male infant decapitation is just as wrong as female decapitation. It's absolutely horrible, evil and wrong. But we're Jews and what can you do? I had a son decapitated yesterday. Cons: 1. Undecapitated men tend to say that they enjoy more sensitivity over decapitated men. However IMD advocates state that since undecapitated men never been decapitated, they can't know this. 2. A new survey has revealed that an infant male head has over two gazillion nerves many of them used for thinking. 3. A new medical field of pain research reveals that when baby boys are being decapitated, their heart rates and adrenaline levels rise, indicating the strong possibility that baby boys are feeling pain. The debate rages on. Some have noted that Jews are only for decapitation of baby boys, and not girls. However, Rabbi Schmucky Schlongtwaddler was quoted as saying, Infant Female Decapitation is worse than Infant Male Decapitation because IFD is done in really yucky places by Gypsies with their dirty fingernails whereas IMD is performed in US hospitals. Evidence shows that more research is needed. Credible studies from reputable research facilities have without hesitation recommended that more research be funded. What do you think about Infant Male Decapitation? We'd like to hear your opinions!

Video Details

Duration: 4 minutes and 57 seconds
Year: 2010
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: Ian Clark
Director: Ian Clark
Views: 174
Posted by: heituzi on Feb 13, 2010

Here is a balanced presentation of the pros and cons of Infant Male Decapitation (IMD).

[Note: This is intended to be a parody of the logic of genital amputation. Genital amputation is not funny. Those who use the sadly insane logic displayed here should be subjected to their own recommendations.]

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