Value Differences_Final
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>> Hello again.
So far in this module we've established why
and how to get to know our clients on a cultural level
so that we don't make the mistake of imposing
our own cultural conditioning on them.
Today, we're going to apply this one step further
by discussing common cultural differences and values
that can come up in the context of coaching.
Now if a person wants to be coached,
chances are they're at least interested
in the core values of coaching,
like individual growth for example.
It's not likely that you're going to offend them
by presenting such concepts.
What's key is assessing
where they are in relation to these values
because there might be struggle in benevolence
in some of these areas.
For example, you might have a client
who's struggling to get her business off the ground,
and you see that she's self-sabotaging.
The limiting belief that's driving all of this might be
that she was taught in her family
and in her culture that women were to raise babies,
not have careers.
While it's not at the forefront of her mind,
it could be what's driving her behavior.
And so before she can work on expanding her business,
she'd benefit from taking the time to explore with you
what her culture means to her and how it impacts her life.
So we have to respect
and be mindful of the fact that for all we know,
something like the concept of autonomy might be a new
and difficult struggle for a client to really even
just accept as a possibility for him or herself.
Something that we might not even think twice
about might be weeks' worth of material for this client
to properly work through
to get themselves primed just to do the work itself.
We need to provide space for this.
To help you stay alert for differences in perspective
that we might take for granted,
I'll share with you the six major cultural value differences
to be mindful of.
They are, one, individualism.
In general, Western cultures emphasize individualism.
Individualist societies condone the idea
that a person's life is his or hers to do
what they want with
and that he or she has a right to live how they see fit,
apply their own judgment,
and place a high value on living a fulfilling life
and pursuing their dreams.
The individual is the primary unit of concern.
On the other hand, many cultures
around the world stress collectivism,
which means ensuring that the collective good of the society
or the family is valued higher than the needs
and wants of the individual.
The group is the primary unit of concern.
While we may seek coaching to become better parents,
lovers, or caregivers, it's a self-oriented pursuit.
Self-improvement is centered on the self.
So for people who were raised in a society
or a home where collectivist values were stressed,
coaching may be viewed as selfish.
Investing into oneself under such circumstances,
could trigger feelings of guilt or ambivalence.
You're not going to ask your clients,
"Do you believe in individualism or collectivism?"
But you can assess this value by asking questions, like,
"Were you raised to chase your dreams
or to be responsible and take care of your family?
Or does anything come up for you
when you think deeply about investing
in your own self-care and growth?"
And metaphor that I love to used to tap into this is to ask,
"In life, do you think it's more important
to put the oxygen mask on yourself or on a loved one first?"
Two, uncertainty avoidance.
This is about having a preference
for clearly structured situations
and apprehensiveness toward situations
that are new, risky, or ambiguous.
This is an orientation that varies from person to person
but it's also culture bound.
There are some cultures that discourage taking risks
and teach that you should stick
to what's consistent and familiar,
and then there are cultures that encourage risk and novelty.
American culture is based on the ladder.
America was a country
that was founded by a bunch of risk-takers,
and it's expected and condoned in this culture
to take chances and try new things to make it big.
This is evident in coaching which stresses playing big,
pushing your limits, and exploring what life has to offer.
But not everyone is a pioneer.
If you have a client who was raised in a culture
that expects them to do what's expected
and risk-taking is viewed as a negative thing,
it's going to take time and effort for them to become
open to trying something that's high in uncertainty.
You need to meet them
where they're at if they're totally apprehensive
about trying something new,
instead of expecting or pushing them
to just go ahead and take a chance.
So if you have a client who's avoidant,
be sure to assess where this came from.
Ask if other members of their family
were play-it-safe kind of people and if so,
where they got this from,
what kind of messages did they receive in their life,
and was this a transmission of culture?
Three, long-term orientation.
This is about short-term versus long-term gratification.
It's the degree to which behaviors
that are oriented towards the future
are valued over immediate or short-term outcomes.
This comes up most obviously around saving money
or perseverance of behaviors.
In coaching, we help our clients hold out
for that long-term goal.
We build action plans and set up accountability
and explore limiting beliefs of pattern
of short-term gratification
that derail our clients from their bigger goals.
Sometimes, they struggle with this so much
because they were raised in a culture
that was oriented towards short-term gratification.
Often, this arises in families or communities
that experience poverty or scarcity.
If good food or an abundance of food appeared,
it should be eating right away while it's still around.
If the family comes across money,
it should be spent to cover immediate needs
or as a reward for making it through times without.
People raised in these kind of climates
find it so hard to hold out for that long-term outcome
because it's foreign to them,
and no one's ever model delayed gratification
for them before.
They're afraid that if they don't seize the moment,
that good thing might not be available to them again.
So they've developed a hoarding mentality
that permeates all areas of life.
Four, performance orientation.
This is the degree to which performance
is placed over other values
such as social ties and nurturing.
By performance I mean, success,
talent, drive, or a combination of these.
We often see this in gender roles
where in many cultures men were raised to be
the breadwinners while women were to be
the caregivers of the family,
but performance orientation varies across cultures too.
Some cultures put a great emphasis on working hard,
climbing the ladder of success,
and being the best you can be
while others see work as a means to an end
and put greater value on things like social bonding,
joy, and relaxation.
You can't just assume that everyone wants
or is excited to be the best version of themselves.
For some people, this comes at a cost.
Your clients are coming to you
because they're unhappy about some problem
or aspect of their life, and they wanted to change,
but that doesn't mean that they automatically feel driven.
Their ambivalence might be
that their desired changes at odds
with their cultural value to eat, behave,
or perform in a certain way.
They may feel like they're disgracing their culture
or giving up a part of themselves that they hold dear.
You can expect this stuff to surface if you don't ask.
It can be telling to ask questions like,
"Do you hold yourself to high standards?
Did your parents pressure you to perform
or achieve at a certain high level
or were they more concerned with you finding yourself
and exploring your identity?
Do you place more value in your career
and your personal success or your connection with others?"
Five, power and authority.
This value difference is about how we see
and carry ourselves in relations to others
in terms of power and authority.
We often see this most clearly
as it relates to the elderly and to authority figures.
Many cultures give great reverence
to the elders in their society.
In traditional Japanese culture,
for example, honor is given to the elders of the family,
and it's expected that they be shown
a high level of respect.
It's an understanding
that adult children will take care of their aging parents
and take them in under their care.
This is a custom that's taken really seriously.
And then there are more individualistic cultures,
like America where the elderly traditionally age
in their own homes or in nursing homes
and there's less of a cultural responsibility
for adult children to take their parents under their wing,
let alone show them unwavering respect.
A coach from this kind of cultural background
would make a mistake to assume that their client
who's holding back from their own personal goals to shelter
and take care of an aging parent,
just needs to start living their own life.
If the coach were to convey this kind of attitude,
they might seriously offend their client
or at least leave them feeling misunderstood.
And it's problematic when you flip it around too.
Let's say the coach comes from a tradition
of caring for elders,
and their client is talking about putting her mom
in an assisted living facility
so that she can accept a desirable job in another city.
If this coach were to view the situation
through his or her own cultural lens,
it would create bias.
They might think, "How disrespectful.
Who goes off and leaves their elderly mother in a home
to pursue a career."
Another place that power orientation
can affect coaching is deference to authority.
In some cultures, it's taught
that you should always be super respectful
and obedient to authority figures.
You might be thinking, "How does this relate to coaching?"
Well, while we aim not to position ourselves
as authority figures in the coaching relationship,
someone with this kind of orientation
might insist on seeing themselves in deference to you,
the expert, the professional.
This is problematic because then you get a client
who is more preoccupied with pleasing you, yessing you,
and looking good rather than getting vulnerable
and getting down and dirty
with the actual transformational work.
This is why it's so important
right from the start to explain to all clients,
but especially to clients from other backgrounds
that you are their guide on the side and not their leader.
Six, communication style.
Some cultures encourage
a direct straightforward communication style
in which people are clear on what they mean
and are encouraged to speak up and get to the point.
In cultures with a direct communication style,
confrontation, criticism, and challenge are acceptable
while the aim isn't to be insulting,
it's typically more important to tell the truth
than it is to look out for people's feelings.
But there are also cultures out there
that view this as totally rude.
In cultures with indirect communication style,
it's always considered more important to be polite,
in contrast to a priority of information transmission.
It's more of a priority to say face
and to keep things harmonious.
It's more favorable to imply and suggest something
that's potentially controversial
than to come right out and say it.
Can you see how this might be problematic
in a coaching relationship with a coach
who's not tuned in to these types of cultural differences?
Let's review what we've covered.
The six major value differences to be mindful
of in coaching are individualism, uncertainty avoidance,
long-term orientation, power and authority,
and communication style.
When you don't take value differences
such as these into account
and instead operate from the perspective
that your values are shared by all,
you're coaching through a biased lens,
and you can't really connect with, understand,
and help your clients who are struggling
with the disconnect between their cultural norms
and their desires.
Have you run into any of these value differences
in your coaching practice?
How did you handle it?
We'd love to hear about your experiences
in the Facebook group,
so head on over and join the discussion.
Thanks for watching. Bye for now.