Watch videos with subtitles in your language, upload your videos, create your own subtitles! Click here to learn more on "how to Dotsub"

Origin of the species

0 (0 Likes / 0 Dislikes)
  • Embed Video

  • Embed normal player Copy to Clipboard
  • Embed a smaller player Copy to Clipboard
  • Advanced Embedding Options
  • Embed Video With Transcription

  • Embed with transcription beside video Copy to Clipboard
  • Embed with transcription below video Copy to Clipboard
  • Embed transcript

  • Embed transcript in:
    Copy to Clipboard
  • Invite a user to Dotsub
Where do we come from? This is the ultimate question for us, I suppose, and at the moment we've got two opposing theories. We've got the evolution, or the science theory and the creation, or the magic theory; both equally valid, and both equally plausible, apparently. And to emphasise this they've now built a creation museum where all the myths of the Bible can finally come to life a lot more fully than they ever did in the past, for 20 dollars a head. The creation theory, of course, comes from the book of Genesis, which tells us that God created man from a handful of dust, and he created woman from man's rib. And these two together were so stupid that they weren't on the planet 5 minutes when they had managed to get a curse put on all future generations. Nice work. But, in a way, this is the one positive thing about Genesis, that it does give us a kind of status. It confers on us a tragic nobility where we're communing directly with God, wrestling with major themes, and not just grubbing around in the dirt for insects, as we otherwise would have been. So, just for our own self-respect, if Genesis didn't exist we'd have to write it, if somebody hadn't already beaten us to it a few thousand years ago. Darwin's theory of natural selection, on the other hand, tells us that we have evolved over millions of years from lower life forms, such as lizards, apes, and born again Republicans. And many Christians would like to see both of these theories taught in schools so that kids can get both sides of the argument. But what I don't understand is why there are only two sides to this argument. Why only two theories? Because this is a very important question, so surely we need all the theories we can get, especially as the two we've got are so mutually exclusive. If you embrace one, you have to reject the other? What kind of absolutist madness is this? (Police siren) My cab must be early. OK, here's a question: If you crossed a pig with a monkey, what would you get? I'll give you a clue. Look in the mirror. I'm not trying to be insulting, but it's true, isn't it? We know that genetically we are very close to monkeys, but we're also very close to pigs, which is great news if you're looking for an organ transplant. In fact, in some cannibal societies, human meat is known as 'long pig'. So maybe here's what happened: A few million years ago, a monkey had sex with a pig. I know it's wrong, but they were at a loose end on a Saturday night; these things happen. And they produced the first human, a remarkable creature that could not only peel bananas with its feet, but was mustard at sniffing out truffles. And from this we evolved into the articulate, dextrous pig-monkeys we are today. Still not convinced? OK, let's call the monkey Adam, and the pig.. oh, I don't know, you think of something. Well, why not? It makes more sense than either of the other theories, as it explains why there's no missing link, while eliminating the supernatural. So I'd like to see it taught in schools. Let's give the kids all the available theories, and let them decide. We are the pig-monkeys of planet Earth; this is my theory. And since I don't have a shred of evidence to support it, naturally I believe it all the more passionately. Peace.

Video Details

Duration: 3 minutes and 33 seconds
Country: UK
Language: English
Director: Pat Condell
Views: 2,296
Posted by: patcondell on Oct 2, 2007

Recorded June 13th 2007.

You can download an audio version of this video at

Caption and Translate

    Sign In/Register for Dotsub to translate this video.