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Beliefs are Stronger than Willpower_Final

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>> Hey there. Before we get started, I want you to think of a time when you relied on sheer willpower to make a change or achieve a goal. How'd it go? Not too well, did it? That's because willpower is finite. It's not a tool in your toolbox. In fact, as a transformational tool, it's essentially pointless. Willpower is usually exhausted by the time lunchtime rolls around, maybe by the time you get settled in that work, maybe even after breakfast. There have been countless studies demonstrating that exerting willpower doesn't lead to desired outcomes because really what is willpower anyway? It's not even an actual thing. It's just your ability to delay gratification. The key word being delay, that right there is a red flag. It's just putting off the inevitable crash and burn that comes as a result of restricting yourself from something you want. It's temporary. So if willpower isn't a strategy for change, then what should you rely on. The real powerful tool is being able to identify and remove limiting beliefs. If you're not familiar with the term limiting beliefs or even if you are, let's take a second to get on the same page. Simply put, limiting beliefs are the thoughts we have that hold us back. Their false beliefs acquired as a result of an incorrect conclusion you've arrived at based on some past experience. Limiting beliefs are powerful because they project your entire past onto the present, which may be totally irrelevant. This is why we all have an area of our lives where we seem to make the same mistakes over and over again, and even when we're aware of it, we're not quite sure where we're going wrong. Can you relate? Limiting beliefs are why we and our clients self-sabotage. As a coach, it's easier to recognize when people are self-sabotaging. It's when you make a suggestion to your client and they don't do it. When this happens, you know there's a limiting belief at play. Your job as a coach then is not to keep enforcing your suggestions or reminding them of the importance of accountability, but to help them figure out what the belief is that they have that's holding them back. When you catch your client self-sabotaging, you'll want to explore with them what's going on that's keeping them stuck. Most people who are stuck don't necessarily want to realize or admit that it's due to their own mental trap. Many people hold on to their limiting beliefs because they want to be right. They'll sacrifice their entire future to make their past right. It's super uncomfortable to accept the idea that you're responsible for everything you've done up until this point that's held you back. This is why we make so many excuses when we don't do the things we need to do. It's much easier to say, "I don't have time to make it to the gym before work" or "I just need to try harder next time" rather than to take responsibility for our results or our lack thereof. Make note of this because it's essential to your success, not only as a coach but also in life. You are 100% responsible for your results. Your clients are 100% responsible for their results. This is great because it means that you get to control the outcomes both positive and negative in your life. It also means that you don't have to shoulder the responsibility of making your client change, instead you lead them to change. When you bring this up with your clients, they may argue with you and insist that they just need to restrict more or put in more effort. It's hard to give up the notion of willpower. But this type of thinking and their best efforts at employing willpower are what got them right here in the first place. Your clients aren't failing because of willpower, they're failing because of the stories they tell themselves. When we challenge and replace these limiting beliefs, willpower doesn't even matter anymore because that temptation, those impulsive thoughts and urges that we try to beat back and resist aren't even there anymore to overcome. Your client who binges at night won't even have to worry if they'll be triggered to binge because the whole system they've constructed in their head over time, the one that led them to eat their feelings is gone. The behavior no longer serves any purpose. It sounds too good to be true, especially to the client who feels like they've tried everything, but this really works if you have faith and stick with it. Think about this and let it sink in because it's really powerful, our stories, our beliefs and thought patterns that we create for whatever reasons are the only true obstacles that prevent us from living the lives of our dreams. Our reasons for everything we do are always valid, no matter how insane or logical they sound at first. Our actions make perfect sense on some level, but what's devastating is that the belief that drive what we do aren't rooted in any universal truth or a global fact. They're just records of past and observed experiences that we falsely come to internalize as truths. And it's from these false realities that we operate our lives. So we may be acting with great reason, but doing harm to ourselves instead of good. We make our stories true by repeating patterns of belief-driven behaviors throughout our lives that further serve to reinforce our beliefs. We act in accordance with our beliefs and then we consider ourselves, "See, I told you you're a failure." And then the cycle progresses on and on and on. This is why your clients come to you upset and exasperated, and wondering why even though they want more than anything to start exercising or to stop binging at night, they find themselves on the couch yet again eating ice cream, beating themselves up in their heads, and then polishing off the rest of the pint to soothe their hurt feelings about being a failure. This is a signal to you, the coach, that some part of their subconscious brain is playing a message that makes it recognize weight loss as unsafe. So instead of trying to get your clients to change their external habits by eating less junk food or exercising more, you want to start by addressing their internal belief systems. To do this, you want to ask lots of high-mileage questions to explore, in this example, "Which ways losing weight isn't safe?" This may seem counter-intuitive at first, after all, your client can likely list many reasons why they should lose weight. But what their self-defeating patterns and behaviors are telling you is that there's something in their past that has labeled weight loss as not safe, so you need to figure out what that is in order to successfully move forward. To illustrate this, I'll use an example from my own coaching practice. I once had a client who was desperately trying to lose weight but would binge eat in the middle of the night. She couldn't for the life of her figure out why. First, I asked her when this started happening. She said in her early teens. So I asked what was happening in her life around that time. She told me that she was living with her mother and that one night her grandmother called around 2 am frantic and told her that her father had died. She then told me that the pattern started up again in college and this was around the time a friend of hers died unexpectedly in the middle of the night. As I listened, her story intrigued me. It sounded to me like she had a bunch of really awful experiences happened in the middle of the night, which would lead her to fear the worst every evening. Now maybe you're thinking what I was thinking at the time. If this woman is using food to cope with her issues, maybe she's eating in the middle of the night as a way to soothe the fear that someone else she loves will die. That makes complete sense. So in this case, eating was a way of keeping her safe from the emotional pain of losing someone, and that kind of emotional safety was way more important to her than them losing weight. We talked about her realization some more, and she was able to release the fear she experienced during that time, which allowed her to stop binge eating in the middle of the night. So the take-home point is if your subconscious brain operates according to the information you provided, you need to stop inputting all this junk and start telling good things. It can be a hard process to implement but really it's simple. If you identify these false truths you tell yourself that hold you back and keep it small and replace them with positive empowering beliefs, your subconscious brain will propel you forward instead of holding you hostage in the face of fear. Replacing your limiting beliefs with powerful life enhancing ways of thinking is the only way you can trump your subconscious because what you're doing is reprogramming your subconscious to do the work for you. So this probably goes without saying, but learning to identify your limiting beliefs is just as important for you to do as a coach as it is for you to teach your clients. First of all, I'm willing to bet that all of you hold limiting beliefs that are affecting your ability to coach. We all hold false truths rooted in fear about money, success, and our capabilities. We all have blind spots, and our responsibility of being in this line of work is to hold a mirror up to yourself to figure out where in life you're acting in ways that aren't congruent with your best self, including things you think and do that you may be totally unaware of. Until you work through your own stuff, you can only be so good and so successful as a coach. Putting in the work during this section of the course can be such a game changer for you. I really encourage you to do the exercises and spend some time reflecting on the thoughts you tell yourself that holds you back. So I bet you're wondering how exactly you can change your limiting beliefs. I'm going to share with you all about how to do that in the next lecture. For now, remember these key points we've covered here today. Willpower is not a resource in your toolkit. Limiting beliefs are the most powerful forces that keep you stuck and block you from change. Limiting beliefs are a product of your seven-year-old self's beliefs, which drive your subconscious brain. And since the subconscious brain always wins, the only way to free yourself from limiting beliefs is to create powerful, adaptive messages to replace them. If you learn how to do this in one area of your life, you can do it in any, and your potential to grow will be infinite. It's time to start thinking about the limiting beliefs that hold you back. As you prepare for the next lecture, give some thoughts to the areas you feel stuck in your life and reflect on what might be going on for you in those areas. This is also a great journaling opportunity. If you have any insights you'd like to share, we'd love to hear them and support you over in the Facebook group. Thanks for watching. Bye for now.

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Duration: 10 minutes and 35 seconds
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Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
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Views: 5
Posted by: integrativenutrition on Jul 10, 2018

Beliefs are Stronger than Willpower_Final

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