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Ray It Ain't So

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-What's happenin', forum? Guys, look at this viral video. Now back to me. Now back to the video. Now back to me. Sadly, this viral video isn't me. 'Cause if it were me, I probably would've died in this awesome tubing accident. [crowd reacting] Now, this video's great, 'cause it shows that someone's fail can actually be someone else's win. It's like a system of checks and balances for wins and fails. Of course, the guy's stoner friends were all impressed. ["stoner friends" whooping] Whoa, double rainbow all the way! Yeah, the video's hilarious till you find out that the guy who fell off in the beginning, he f--king drowned. Yeah, not so funny now, is it? I'm just kidding, he didn't drown, he's fine. Now, there's this camel and there's this woman here touching it. And I already know what you're thinking. You're like... "Ray, what is this? Saudi Arabian porn?" Well, yeah, actually it could be, but, believe it or not, this woman is tickling this camel. [camel purring, woman speaking gibberish] Now, when I first saw this video I was like, why is that woman molesting Ann Coulter? But no, turns out it was an actual camel. Now, this video is kind of slow to catch on. It only got like 150,000 views in six months. But this woman is making this camel purr like Chewbacca. [camel purrs] Now, while I admit, it's hilarious to see a camel laugh like that, I can't tell if this video is some kind of Middle Eastern foreplay or is it some kind of PSA for camel-molestation? -If someone touches your camel, make sure to tell an adult. -So, the group in favor in molesting camels would be, I guess, CAMBLA? So, this video is funny as balls... 'cause I guess balls are funny. Anyway, 700,000 views in four days. It's this politician, Phil Davison giving a speech. -Ladies and gentlemen of the Stark County Republican Party executive committee, good evening. -Yeah, it starts out kind of normal, but then, I don't know, I guess he gets really into it. -When I ran for Stark County clerk of courts in 1996 and Stark County Commissioner in 2000 and I will not apologize for my tone tonight. I have been a Republican in times good and I have been a Republican in times bad. -"And I live in a van down by the river." Now, this dude doesn't just scream once, he screams like a pro wrestler through the entire speech. -If nominated tonight, I promise each and every person in this room I will hit the ground running, come out swinging, and end up winning!" -It's like they can't turn off his caps lock. And if you go back and watch the whole speech, you'll hear his voice keep cracking through the whole thing. (as squeaky-voiced teen): Your order's ready, Mr. Simpson. Now, I know this guy is passionate about politics, but I think he also might be passionate about meth. -Drastic time require what? Drastic measures, yes! Who said that? Thank you! Drastic times require drastic measures! -Oh, but here's the best part: he isn't running for president, he isn't running for congress, he isn't even running for mayor. He's actually running for local county treasurer. So freakin' Braveheart here who's gonna oversee the money is all like... -If nominated tonight, I win. Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell Randy Gonzales... -"And tell yo' husbands, 'cause they rapin' e'erbody up in here." I mean, don't you guys understand, this dude is my f--king hero. I mean, did you see his passion. I would totally vote for him. In fact, not only do I want him to be county treasurer, I want him to have the f--king nuclear codes. [camel purrs] Shut up, camel, it's not funny. Go back to your tiny car. Anyway, I'm just sayin' I'm just sayin' who would mess with your country if Mel Gibson there had access to nuclear weapons? You f--k with him and he'll be all like... [growling] But you know what else is a psychopathic politician? The comment question of the day, which comes from a user named, bing!, Weezer? And he said... -My comment question of the day is what is the best name you can think of for a band? -So, what is the best name you can think of? Scrotum Demon? Stinky Paraplegic? I don't know, think of a cool band name. Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comments section below, or on Facebook and Twitter. But thanks for watching today's episode of =3. I'm Ray William Johnson and I approve this message. So tell me forum, what's the weirdest thing you ever drank? [singing Stalkin' Your Mom] Captioned by SpongeSebastian

Video Details

Duration: 5 minutes and 6 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: Ray William Johnson
Director: Ray William Johnson
Views: 278
Posted by: spongesebastian on Sep 15, 2010

Equals Three with RayWilliamJohnson. (Captions added using UniversalSubtitles.org)

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