Watch videos with subtitles in your language, upload your videos, create your own subtitles! Click here to learn more on "how to Dotsub"

George Carlin The Ten Commandments Broken Down

0 (0 Likes / 0 Dislikes)
But let me ask you of this. When they sit around and make this sxxx up. Why did they pick 10? Why 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why. Because ten sounds official. Ten sounds important. They knew if it's 11 then people wouldn't have taken it seriously. 'What are you kidding me? 11 commandments? get the fxxx out of here!' TEN, TEN sounds important. ten is the basis of the decimal system. It's a decade. It's psychologically satisfying number. the top ten, the ten most Wanted, the ten best dresser. So having ten commandments was really a MARKETING DECISION. And to me, It's clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I'm going to show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with list that's little more workable and logical. We will start with the first three. And I will use the Roman Catholic version, because those are the ones I was taught when I was a little boy. 'I'M THE LORD, THY GOD, and THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGER GOD BEFORE ME'. 'THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD, THY GOD IN VAIN'. 'THY SHALT KEEP THE HOLY SABBATH'. Right off the bed, the first three are pure BULLSHIT. Sabbath? Sabbath day loads the name of strange god. Spooky Language. Spooky Language. Designed to scare and control primitive people.. In no way, this superstitious and nonsense like this apply to a large of intelligent and civilized humans of 21st century. You throw out the first 3 commandments .. and you're down to seven. Next, 'HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER'. OBEDIENCE. Respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is obedience and respect should not be automatic. They should be earned. They should be based upon parents' performance. PARENTS' PERFORMANCE. Some parents deserve respect, most of them don't. Period. You're down to six. Now there's interesting logic, something which religions're very uncomfortable with. We will going to jump around the list a little bit. 'THOU SHALT NOT STEAL', 'THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS'. Stealing and lying. Well actually these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior. Dishonesty, Stealing and Lying. So you don't need two of them. Instead you combine them, and you call it 'THOU SHALT NOT BE DISHONEST'. And suddenly you're down to five. And as long as combining, I have two others that belong together. 'THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY', 'THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE'. Once again, these two prohibit the same kind of behavior. In this case, the marital infidelity. The difference is that coveting takes place in your mind. And I don't think I were fantasizing someone else's wife. Otherwise what you're going to think about while waxing his Carrot? But the marital fidelity is a good idea. so we will keep the idea and call this one. 'THOU SHALT NOT BE UN-FAITHFUL'. And Suddenly we're down to four. But when you think about it, honesty and fidelity are really part of same overall value. So in truth, you can combine the two honesty commandments with two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language and positive language instead of negative and call them 'THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE HONEST AND FAITHFUL' and we're down to three. They're going away. going away fast. 'THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS'. This one is just plain fxxxing stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods keeps the economy going. Your neighbor gets a vibrator and plays 'come all you the faithful'? You wanna get one too. Coveting Creats jobs, leave it alone. You throw the coveting, and we're down to two now. The big honesty and fidelity commandment and and what we haven't talked about yet 'THOU SHALT NOT KILL'. Murder, the fifth commandment.? and you think about it. When you think about it, religion has never really had big problem with murder. Not really, more people's been killed in the name of God than for any other reason. All you have to do is All you have to do is is looking northern ireland, the middle east, kashmir, inquisition, crusades, and world trade center. You See how seriously religious falks take the 'THOU SHALT NOT KILL'. The more devout they are, the more they see murders be NEGOTIABLE, it's NEGOTIABLE. It depends. It depends. It depends who's doing killing and who's getting killed. So with all this in mind, I review with my revised list of TWO commandments. 'THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE HONEST AND FAITHFUL TO PROVIDER OF THY NOOKIE' 'THOU SHALT TRY REAL HARD NOT TO KILL ANYONE UNLESS OF COURSE THEY PRAYED TO DIFFERENT INVISIBLE MAN FROM THE ONE YOU PRAYED TO'. Two is all you need Moses could carry them down the hill hiding in his fxxxing pocket, And how the list like that would mind those falks in alabama putting up in the courthouse wall? As long as they include one additional commandment. 'THOU SHALT KEEP YOUR RELIGION TO THYSELF'

Video Details

Duration: 5 minutes and 38 seconds
Country: South Korea
Language: English
Views: 252
Posted by: pound on Oct 13, 2010

There's no logical argument against anything he says in this routine. Obviously Christians will argue but then as George says logicis something religion has a big problem with.

Caption and Translate

    Sign In/Register for Dotsub to translate this video.