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I DID HIM

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-What's happenin' guys? Oh, not a lot has happened this week, I mean, other than this motherf--king cat who's possessed by Satan. [cat meowing demonically] Behind me Satan, behind me. Actually that's not a bible, it's a copy of The Walking Dead. But I'm actually not playing when I say that cat is possessed. I mean, look at him. His fur's all puffeh, his eyes are all red. And he's speaking in some kind of Ewok language. -[meowing demonically] -Now, this video did get 140,000 views in two days, and Hayley Williams promoted it on her Tumblr account. Yeah, you know, Hayley Williams, that hot chick, that singer from Paramour. [wolf whistle] Honesty, I don't know why the cat is so mad. If I had to guess, I'd say somebody was f--king with it. Either way, that cat needs to calm down. Go smoke a fat bowl of catnip there, Heathcliff. By the way, because I'm just a nice guy, I took the liberty of translating what the cat was saying and putting it in subtitles. Now, come on, I'm paraphrasing of course. Now dating sucks. We all know that. And video dating services have been around forever, including the Dating on Demand service. Now, with this service, you can choose among the lucky individuals here and then proceed to date them or hump them or stab them or whatever it is you do on your dates. Now, in one of the interviews, this chick here, Audrey... now, don't get me wrong, Audrey's cool, she just gives a little bit too much information. -The craziest thing I've ever done was have the FedEx man come into my workplace and I did him. -I'm sorry, you did what? -The craziest thing I've ever down was have the FedEx man come into my workplace and I did him. -I'm sorry, again, I could've sworn you said you did the FedEx guy. So you're saying that the FedEx guy shows up to your house with a delivery and you sign for that delivery using his d--k and now you're talking about it in your dating video? Oh, Audrey, baby, what else you got? -My guilty pleasure is... cheating, but then it's all good. -All right, your guilty pleasure is cheating. Why on Earth are you still single? Did you cheat on that FedEx guy with the UPS man? Is that was happened? No, look, there are tons of these Dating on Demand videos on YouTube and a lot of them have gone viral before. Now it looks like this one was shot directly from someone's television using a crappy quality camera, and now, other than that, let me just say that the troll comments on Audrey's video are just too much to handle. "Maybe I'll date her after she shaves her mustache." "That FedEx guy sure delivered his package." And, "Is it wrong that this video game me a boner?" Now most of these videos are unfortunately hilarious. And I unfortunately because, you know, they're just trying to get a date. But then, of course, they go off like Audrey and f--k the FedEx guy. Now the big video this week was actually really big. It actually got 2.5 million views in two days and it'll probably get more by the time you see this. Now there's this half-time slam dunk show here. Now pay attention to this skinny white kid here. [crowd cheering] [crowd groans] Holy s--t, no way that was real. I mean it looked cool, but how could he purposely pull off that without breaking his neck? [crack!] Now I'm not a scientist, but I do know sometimes gravity can f--k people up. But also, this video might be fake. I mean, it might really be part of some Phoenix Suns halftime show. But I have to point out that that kid did kind of bust his head on the back of that rim. [tires squeal, crash!] Which doesn't seem worth faking a stunt like this and I can't help but wonder, how many point do you get in basketball for slam dunking yourself? It kind of reminds me of that old rap album cover where that pimp is slam dunkin' his ho. I mean, slam dunkin' a ho has got to be worth at least 8 or 9 points. Now another thing I noticed in the video was the crowd's reaction or lack thereof. Like this kid could've seriously injured and they're all just sittin' there like, "Meh, slam duck was cool. But did you see the homeless guy with the golden voice?" No, but I saw the homeless girl who f--ked the FedEx guy, does that count? -I did him. -I'm kidding, calm down; she's not homeless. She's just horny. No, but the crowd didn't seem to react to that, which makes me think it might be fake. Except for the black guys in the audience, 'cause you know they were all laughing like, "Look at these crazy white kids trying to dunk." But you know who does go off and f--k the FedEx guy? -I did him. -The comment question of the day, which comes from a user named, bam!, and she said... -Hey, Ray. My comment question of the day: PlayStation, Xbox? -So, pretty simple: PlayStation or Xbox? Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comments section below or on Facebook or Twitter. But thanks for watching today's episode of =3. I'm Ray William Johnson and I approve this message. So tell me guys, how would you prepare for the zombie apocalypse? [Stalkin' Your Mom playing] Captioned by SpongeSebastian -I did him. [demonic laughter]

Video Details

Duration: 5 minutes and 31 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: Ray William Johnson
Director: Ray William Johnson
Views: 292
Posted by: spongesebastian on Feb 2, 2011

Equals Three with RayWilliamJohnson.

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