'The Latest Explosion'
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I welcome you all here today, very glad to see new face
And hopefully we meet more as Arabs here in Istanbul
Everything that is told here will stay here
And this is to make everyone feel better
And the only way to overcome all these challenges we face
is to speak it out
so we can share this
Sara, would you like to start?
- No, I prefer to speak later
- Someone else?
- I may have something to say
I am suffering insomnia
this is not new thou
I have been having insomnia for so long;
But I have been 3 days up, no sleep at all
- Is there a reason for that?
- Yeah! And this what brought me here
Even thou I had a lot to do
But I seek asylum in group therapy,
it makes me feel better to speak about whats irritating me
It was my father’s birthday this month
And this makes me emotional and overthink before I sleep
I left Egypt because of the political events that happened
My dad was killed in Rabaa events, Egypt
It have been 3 almost 4 years now,
But I still feel strange
I said I will cope by time with the pain and the loss
I left my country and came here
started a new life, met new life
But no, still coping isn't as easy
i discovered then, that time probably doesn't eradicate the pain
instead it makes me just get used to the pain
it only helps me create new ways to adapt it
Sometimes I wish I can forget
and can live normally and just sleep normally
go to university and laugh
thats it, today I want to share my feelings
the loss that can make you sleepless
- Thank you Farida for sharing,
After we heard that, anyone is interested to share his or her feelings with us?
- I will share my story
in the beginning of 2014 in Mosul,
, I was a student, who is just
like any student
am looking forward to graduate and finish
But the problem is, one of the days while exams
My mom called “Nofal, go pick your sister and head home”
I asked "Why?" It was “ Daesh ISIS controlled the right side of the city”
I started to help people passing from the right side to the left side of the city
One night as I was going back home
The grocery shop man was telling me Daesh will take the city
I said " Hajji, why are you so pessimistic, its a matter of days"
" Be Patient" I said
But then one day , near by, there was an explosive fast car
But in few moments it exploded,every one was in a hassle, people running, the army withdrew.
The city fell!
What will we do? What came to my mind was Aleppo
- The only solution was to leave the city and our house
forget about school, university , studying, everything
We went to the Kurdish region
There, there was something I will never forget
We were on a high way, driving very fast
And suddenly we Daesh militants started shooting towards Tikret
we were sandwiched between the militants and Tikret
I have no idea how did we survive it, or what happened to people behind us
We then safely arrived to the Kurdish region
I stayed there 3 months, then I decided to come to Istanbul
After I came Turkey I decided to help displaced Syrian children
since we both faced similar displacement experience
I wanted to make it easier on them
We did a project with them, that may give them hope for future
We dress them up in different careers
this will be a doctor, this an engineer, this will be a lawyer
But suddenly, there was a voice that veiled other voices
the voices of their laughs, how we were happy
but this voice was ,the voice despair,
It was the voice of the missile
We all were very scared
I recalled all my traumatizing memories
with all its pain and details
The children too went hysterical
I was not able to help them
I myself was freaking out so how can I offer help to others?
I left the camp.It was a break down
And started to face my problems
and discovered that if I was not able to fix my problems I cant help the rest
So I hope this group therapy helps me
so I return back normal and stop suspecting
that everyone around me will either shoot or explode himself
I hope you can help
Thank you so much for speaking up
And I hope that it will help anyone wants to share
Would you like to share?
There is something till now it affects me
especially after the latest attacks in Istanbul
we were in our house in Damascus
And the neighboring apartment was barreled by a plane
I was sleeping, and it shocked me
but my reaction was not crying nor yelling
instead I was laughing
But my younger sister was injured of the broken glass
My elder sister was pregnant and she lost her baby
my dad was not home, and my mom did not know what to do!
!Shall she freak out? shall she calm us down?
It was miserable Till now and since then,
I am facing the problem of not being able to sleep normally
or for instance after the explosions here
I am always in fear
that in any moment there can be explosion
well, cant express
But mainly sleeping disorders
It is so hard and I cant get overcome it
I thought sharing my story, may make me better
If someone is facing the same thing,, they may help
I just thought speaking up will help
so, Thats the story
do you think there is a correlation
that both of you face sleeping disorders?
It is the shock maybe?
I believe that sleep is comfort
and since we are already not comfortable in our life
there is something that always reminds us
when I hear fireworks,
when the pot falls I freak out unorthodoxly
So when we sleep,we don't feel comfortable
I feel you
i decided to share my story
its not of a dramatic experience.
but it's about a phase in my life
everything was going normal in Benghazi
Till we heard an explosion
then i didn't believe
i said , its impossible . it will just be a two or three days of unrest
and then everything will be normal again
when dad told us that we will have to leave
and leave everything behind . i really felt then the weight of the reality
the sad , ugly reality
it was like a film , we never thought we will pass through that .
we were forced to leave and leave all our memories and home
we left suddenly, so there were no embassies
nor any consulate opened , that we can have a visa
we felt lost
all what we were thinking f is to get out
we then left to turkey
when we arrived , we decided that we are going start a new life here
but we kept attached to libya and our memories and everything back there
we would listen to the news and keep updated about whats going there
and seeing my own city that i grew up in
destroyed completly and nothing is like what it was
, was so heart breaking
it was the past that i didn't want to remember
i thought that by coming here , we would start a new life away from all that
but unfortunately , I couldn't
it was followed by Istanbul's explosions
i was continuously worried and scared
my family was always worried too,
telling me : take care ,don't go to crowded places
we were always in unrest. we didn't have the chance to feel comfortable
I would walk in the street thinking that something will happen
or when in the metro , that an explosion might happen
always having fear that something will happen to me
i couldn't concentrate on building a new life
and I couldn't get away from my memories
i then decided , that i have to face it and do something about it
when i started to cope and feel that here is safer than libya
other problems started
its that i came from a conservative culture
and came to a culture that is way more opened and accepting
which was so different from our culture
that everything is put on the girls shoulders
in our culture , girls since a very young age
are told to think only of one thing , "your reputation "
so i was always critical about my actions
i then started university , i read , i am active
but still the same scrutiny, you are meant to act in only certain way
i feel myself pressured
its not so dramatic , but it pressures me
but , i am always critical about it . that what will my dad or brother say about that
that my brothers friends are going to shame me to my brother .
Its too much , and i just feel trapped
Thanks for sharing this with us
and hopefully i will see you next session
so we can speak and open up more .
and thanks again all for coming
I am glad to see you again
hopefully , today's session will be helpful
Sorry , but where is Farida? why didnt she come yet ?
sadly, Farida was near the Latest Explosion that happened
she got hurt and now is being hospitalized
" We do not live in a very pleasing world now
, there is too much suffering, war and mass trauma in the region
Death tolls, bad news, explosions and shootings.
became of a regular base to us.
This is not healthy;
it keeps many of our children, youth, mothers
men, and women traumatized
In the Middle EastAcross studies,
the most documented demographic risk factors for PTSD
onset are female gender and young age
We need to seek treatment
, ventilate, speak about it and push it away
And we need to encourage others to seek treatment
speak up and work as a community to over come
this collective trauma we have
We need to have hope, to rebuild our countries
by healing our traumas first
to have the capacity to heal demolished cities..
We need to have faith and have hope