'The Latest Explosion'

I welcome you all here today, very glad to see new face And hopefully we meet more as Arabs here in Istanbul Everything that is told here will stay here And this is to make everyone feel better And the only way to overcome all these challenges we face is to speak it out so we can share this Sara, would you like to start? - No, I prefer to speak later - Someone else? - I may have something to say I am suffering insomnia this is not new thou I have been having insomnia for so long; But I have been 3 days up, no sleep at all - Is there a reason for that? - Yeah! And this what brought me here Even thou I had a lot to do But I seek asylum in group therapy, it makes me feel better to speak about whats irritating me It was my father’s birthday this month And this makes me emotional and overthink before I sleep I left Egypt because of the political events that happened My dad was killed in Rabaa events, Egypt It have been 3 almost 4 years now, But I still feel strange I said I will cope by time with the pain and the loss I left my country and came here started a new life, met new life But no, still coping isn't as easy i discovered then, that time probably doesn't eradicate the pain instead it makes me just get used to the pain it only helps me create new ways to adapt it Sometimes I wish I can forget and can live normally and just sleep normally go to university and laugh thats it, today I want to share my feelings the loss that can make you sleepless - Thank you Farida for sharing, After we heard that, anyone is interested to share his or her feelings with us? - I will share my story in the beginning of 2014 in Mosul, , I was a student, who is just like any student am looking forward to graduate and finish But the problem is, one of the days while exams My mom called “Nofal, go pick your sister and head home” I asked "Why?" It was “ Daesh ISIS controlled the right side of the city” I started to help people passing from the right side to the left side of the city One night as I was going back home The grocery shop man was telling me Daesh will take the city I said " Hajji, why are you so pessimistic, its a matter of days" " Be Patient" I said But then one day , near by, there was an explosive fast car But in few moments it exploded,every one was in a hassle, people running, the army withdrew. The city fell! What will we do? What came to my mind was Aleppo - The only solution was to leave the city and our house forget about school, university , studying, everything We went to the Kurdish region There, there was something I will never forget We were on a high way, driving very fast And suddenly we Daesh militants started shooting towards Tikret we were sandwiched between the militants and Tikret I have no idea how did we survive it, or what happened to people behind us We then safely arrived to the Kurdish region I stayed there 3 months, then I decided to come to Istanbul After I came Turkey I decided to help displaced Syrian children since we both faced similar displacement experience I wanted to make it easier on them We did a project with them, that may give them hope for future We dress them up in different careers this will be a doctor, this an engineer, this will be a lawyer But suddenly, there was a voice that veiled other voices the voices of their laughs, how we were happy but this voice was ,the voice despair, It was the voice of the missile We all were very scared I recalled all my traumatizing memories with all its pain and details The children too went hysterical I was not able to help them I myself was freaking out so how can I offer help to others? I left the camp.It was a break down And started to face my problems and discovered that if I was not able to fix my problems I cant help the rest So I hope this group therapy helps me so I return back normal and stop suspecting that everyone around me will either shoot or explode himself I hope you can help Thank you so much for speaking up And I hope that it will help anyone wants to share Would you like to share? There is something till now it affects me especially after the latest attacks in Istanbul we were in our house in Damascus And the neighboring apartment was barreled by a plane I was sleeping, and it shocked me but my reaction was not crying nor yelling instead I was laughing But my younger sister was injured of the broken glass My elder sister was pregnant and she lost her baby my dad was not home, and my mom did not know what to do! !Shall she freak out? shall she calm us down? It was miserable Till now and since then, I am facing the problem of not being able to sleep normally or for instance after the explosions here I am always in fear that in any moment there can be explosion well, cant express But mainly sleeping disorders It is so hard and I cant get overcome it I thought sharing my story, may make me better If someone is facing the same thing,, they may help I just thought speaking up will help so, Thats the story do you think there is a correlation that both of you face sleeping disorders? It is the shock maybe? I believe that sleep is comfort and since we are already not comfortable in our life there is something that always reminds us when I hear fireworks, when the pot falls I freak out unorthodoxly So when we sleep,we don't feel comfortable I feel you i decided to share my story its not of a dramatic experience. but it's about a phase in my life everything was going normal in Benghazi Till we heard an explosion then i didn't believe i said , its impossible . it will just be a two or three days of unrest and then everything will be normal again when dad told us that we will have to leave and leave everything behind . i really felt then the weight of the reality the sad , ugly reality it was like a film , we never thought we will pass through that . we were forced to leave and leave all our memories and home we left suddenly, so there were no embassies nor any consulate opened , that we can have a visa we felt lost all what we were thinking f is to get out we then left to turkey when we arrived , we decided that we are going start a new life here but we kept attached to libya and our memories and everything back there we would listen to the news and keep updated about whats going there and seeing my own city that i grew up in destroyed completly and nothing is like what it was , was so heart breaking it was the past that i didn't want to remember i thought that by coming here , we would start a new life away from all that but unfortunately , I couldn't it was followed by Istanbul's explosions i was continuously worried and scared my family was always worried too, telling me : take care ,don't go to crowded places we were always in unrest. we didn't have the chance to feel comfortable I would walk in the street thinking that something will happen or when in the metro , that an explosion might happen always having fear that something will happen to me i couldn't concentrate on building a new life and I couldn't get away from my memories i then decided , that i have to face it and do something about it when i started to cope and feel that here is safer than libya other problems started its that i came from a conservative culture and came to a culture that is way more opened and accepting which was so different from our culture that everything is put on the girls shoulders in our culture , girls since a very young age are told to think only of one thing , "your reputation " so i was always critical about my actions i then started university , i read , i am active but still the same scrutiny, you are meant to act in only certain way i feel myself pressured its not so dramatic , but it pressures me but , i am always critical about it . that what will my dad or brother say about that that my brothers friends are going to shame me to my brother . Its too much , and i just feel trapped Thanks for sharing this with us and hopefully i will see you next session so we can speak and open up more . and thanks again all for coming I am glad to see you again hopefully , today's session will be helpful Sorry , but where is Farida? why didnt she come yet ? sadly, Farida was near the Latest Explosion that happened she got hurt and now is being hospitalized " We do not live in a very pleasing world now , there is too much suffering, war and mass trauma in the region Death tolls, bad news, explosions and shootings. became of a regular base to us. This is not healthy; it keeps many of our children, youth, mothers men, and women traumatized In the Middle EastAcross studies, the most documented demographic risk factors for PTSD onset are female gender and young age We need to seek treatment , ventilate, speak about it and push it away And we need to encourage others to seek treatment speak up and work as a community to over come this collective trauma we have We need to have hope, to rebuild our countries by healing our traumas first to have the capacity to heal demolished cities.. We need to have faith and have hope