CLIP_ President Obama's Anger Translator (C-SPAN)
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Anyway as always I want to close on a more serious note.
I often joke about tensions between me and the press but honestly what they say doesn't bother me.
I understand we have an adversarial system.
I'm a mellow sort of guy.
And that's why I invited Luther, my anger translator to join me here tonight.
Hold on to your lily white butts.
In our fast changing world
Traditions like the White House correspondents dinner are important.
I mean really.....WHAT IS THIS DINNER?
And why am I required to come to it?!
Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this?
Because despite our differences
We count on the press
To shed light on the most important issues of the day.
And we can count on Fox News to terrify
All white people with it's nonsense.
Sharia Law is coming to Cleveland
Run for the **** hills.
Ya'll look ridiculous.
We won't always see eye to eye
Oh and CNN: thank you so much
For the wall to wall Ebola coverage.
For two whole weeks
We were one step away from the Walking Dead.
And then ya'll got up and moved onto the next thing.
That was awesome
Oh, and by the way, if you just haven't noticed
You don't have ebola!
But I still appreciate the work that you do.
Ya'll remember when I had that big old hole
In the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico and then I plugged it?!
Remember that?!
Which Obama's Katrina was that one?
Was that 19 or what that 20 because I can't remember?
Protecting our democracy
Is more important than ever.
For example the Supreme court ruled that
The daughter who gave Ted Cruz six million dollars was just
Exercising free speech
Yeah, that's the kind of speech like this:
I just wasted six million dollars.
And it's not just Republicans
Hillary will have to raise huge sums of money too.
Ooooh yeah
She gon' get that money.
She gon' get ALL the money
Khaleesi is coming to Westeros.
So watch out.
The non-stop focus on
Billionaire dollars causes real problems
For our Democracy.
And that's why we running for our third term!
No, no we're not.
We're not?
Who the **** said that?!
But we do need to stay focused
On some big challenges, like climate change.
Hey, listen y'all. If you haven't noticed
California is bone dry.
It looks like a trailer for the new
Mad Max movie up in there.
Ya'll think that Bradley Cooper can't hear because
he wants to talk to Chuck Todd?
He needed a glass of water.
Come on!
The science is clear
Nine out of the ten hottest years ever
Came in the last decade.
Now I'm not a scientist
But I do know how to count to ten.
Rising seas, more violent storms...
You got mosquitoes, sweaty people on the trains
Stinkin' it up
It's just nasty.
I mean, look at what's happening
Right now
Every serious scientist says we need to act.
The Pentagon says it's a national security risk.
Miami floods on a sunny day
And instead of doing anything about it
We got elected officials
Throwing snowballs in the senate
Okay, okay, okay, I think I got it bro.
It is crazy
What about our kids?
What kind of stupid, short sighted, irresponsible, bull.....
Woah woah woah, hey!
What?
All due respect sir
You don't need an anger translator.
You need counselling.
I'm out of here, man.
I ain't trying to get into all this.
Go!
He crazy!
Luther, my anger translator
Ladies and gentlemen.