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This mother/daughter team came up with based on the I Ching--with a way of understanding and totally encompassing the human personality. They created these 16 types, and I think its just a brilliant-- before I understood this--everyone was like random. Then this made sense and now I understood, and it made me feel safer talking and being with people because I could more clearly understand where they were coming from. Like--for example--you know those people who are talking at you as though they think you're actually listening to them? [laughter] Do you ever have that thing where you're like-- in your head you're like--do they actually think I'm listening? [laughter] Then you have people who--they will not say a word. You're like--talk. They can't talk. Or you have people who you know if you have a 2:00 appointment-- maybe around 3:00--they're going to show up, and they'll have a reason why they're late--except that they do that every single time. Who knows people like that? So until this Myers-Briggs thing, it was all goulash. I couldn't figure out what's happening. Then afterwards I was like, "Oh, great! They're an A type or they're an E type." It all made sense. For me, when life makes sense I can sleep better at night, and I feel safer. How many of you are an E type? E type--can you please stand up if you're an E type? Okay. Just notice the energy in the room right now--what's happening. For those of you who are an E type, what number E--you can stay standing-- what number E are you? What's your E number? >>33. >>I was in the 30s. >>33, I think. >>78. >>Okay. Do you like talking? >>Well, depends--not in front of groups. >>Okay. >>I'm like 23. >>Okay. Anyone over 70--E type? We've got some-- >>Oh. I did the other one. >>Okay. >>So I'm an 8. >>Okay. So you get a sense that E types are people who are extroverted. You can all sit down now. Sshh. So E types are extroverted people. They enjoy speaking, and they get energy from speaking, and frequently they use other people to clarify their thinking. They actually don't often know what they're saying. [laughter] But they're using their speaking and using you to figure out what they're really thinking. If you are actually listening to them, you're like-- did you ever in those conversations--like--where is this going? [laughter] Okay. Those are an E type. A fundamental principle of people who teach Myers-Briggs now is to give the client an understanding that whatever type you are it is mutable. It is changeable. It's kind of like if you're born right-handed, you could if need be learn to be left-handed, and you would if you lost the use of your right hand. To create balance, people--especially when they are high-score on one side or another--can learn behavior to develop the other hand to create a more balanced disposition. In reevaluation counseling, one of the overlooked, brilliant ideas in reevaluation counseling is that human beings are unique in their capacity to invent behavior. Like if I'm walking the dog and we get to the fire hydrant, the dog isn't like, "Hmm. I could either raise my leg or not-- sniff or not--" The dog just does what the dog does, and it does it all the time. Or you open the can of cat food-- the cat always does what the cat does. There may be a little bit of variation here and there or maybe they're trying to play you by not going for the food. But more or less, all animals do what they do-- except humans can invent behavior that has no past history. Like I could--now I could go [knocking]--. You're never seen me do that, right? I can go like this--I can pull her hair-- [laughter] You can invent behavior--like you're not going to see your dog or cat or any other species do. The humans totally under-utilize that part of their skill set. So however you are--say you're a 78 extrovert or you're an introvert, it's probably unbeknownst to you that you could within a very short period time adapt a very different persona-- the persona that is your best self that you want to create for yourself and that you are not encumbered by your mother, your father, your upbringing, your gender, your race--it's all inventable--every moment, which is a lot to take in. Introvert people please stand up. The thing I always notice about this is when the introvert people stand up, it's so much quieter in the room. [laughter] >>Joshua, what if you have both equally? >>Yeah. >>If you have both equally, it means you're balanced in that area. It's called an X type because you're in the middle. So introverted people tend to be--when I talk about counseling and listening well-- introverted people do this part with no problem--they're like finally-- I can just be there. I don't have to say anything. I can just listen. It's really good for you to learn how to ask the questions that will keep the action moving forward. Otherwise, if they're not talking and you're not talking, it's like a meditation session. [laughter] A lot of times, people who are introvert, and especially people who are extremely introvert, have learned to be introverted through some type of dysfunction. Parents were like "shut-up." Anyone here--like you learned to not talk is a good thing? Yeah. That's a lot of you. So basically you figured out that you weren't going to get punished or hit or something by being quiet and being invisible. But I'm here to tell you that the behavior that you figured out decades ago that actually was helpful may today not be helpful anymore. And you have a choice to reorganize yourself around that and to experiment. I went through a time--you can please sit down. I went through a time in my life-- how many of you find that you ongoingly edit yourself? Edit--you edit yourself--before you talk, you run what you're going to say through your supercomputer, so you're not actually living life-- you're living life like in a delayed action life. When someone's speaking, you're not listening to what they're saying. You're listening to what your head is saying about what they're saying. Before you speak--you run it through your--okay. That's--I don't know if that's-- that was probably a smart thing to do when you were more vulnerable. But it robs you of being in the moment because the moment is passed, and when you say something--it's like a snapshot-- you take a snapshop--three seconds later with a moving object, it comes out completely differently. Because life is a moving object, you are not quite in the stream of life when you do that process. But it's challenging to unlearn--first of all-- because this topic of discussion rarely comes up and then you have evidence from the past that says it's a good idea to not be simultaneous with life because it gives you a chance to be more safe. Anyway, on the introvert side, you have this history-- often because people told you to bequiet-- you learned to be this way. This is a chance for you to reevaluate it. My point was that there was a point in time where I was like-- you know what--I'm going to experiment. I was where I'm talking about you being now, and I said to myself, "I'm going to experiment with not running it through up here and just say whatever I want to say." Kind of--you know that movie with--what's his name--he-- >>"Liar Liar?" >>"Liar Liar"--yeah. He just said everything that--so I was him for a while. Of course, I didn't do this with anyone I know. But anytime I was out shopping or in a subway, I would just practice to see what would happen if I just spoke. I'm still here. I'm alive. It was a freeing experience to just help me out of my own shyness to see that it was okay. A lot of what I had to say was just ways of wanting to be less isolated and more interconnected with people. So I share all this with you mostly because--for you. Life is about understanding who am I. As spiritual beings in a material world, being able to figure out what is our journey and where do we want all this to take us to. And then for you to be able to share that with your clients. Myers-Briggs--if they get one thing out of your whole program-- just doing that. The difference in families is enormous. You have often an extroverted person in a relationship with an introverted person. The whole marriage gets saved because they understand this one thing. One person can say, "I'm actually not listening when you talk," which may help the person to more--to notice when the person is listening or not and to direct their conversation changes everything. So I want to move on to the next type where you have either S type or a N type. If you're a N type, can you please stand up? Okay. So N type is more intuitive. I always say the N type takes the information from the inside out, and the S types take the information from the outside in. So for me, as a N type, when I developed the curriculum, most of it came from just spending time alone and thinking through-- what really makes sense here? What's truly true and just corroborating that within myself. Do you all feel you do that? You check in with yourself and see if it makes sense that way? Whereas--so--if you are a N type, you're more inward. But if you are an I/N type, that means you are very, very inward. So if you're an I/N type, can you stay standing? If you're an E/N type, you can sit down. Okay. So as an I/N type, in this discussion about creating balance, you want to be able to see that you are on one end of the spectrum where there's a lot of inwardness. Yes? Do you feel that? Okay. This is like the blood type. It's not necessarily definitive. It's for you to figure out what's true for you. So you're all wonderful people, and you may or may not choose to be able to look how to be more in--in the world--in a way that is how--whatever way is comfortable for you. Any of you who--I was going to pass the mic, but--I was thinking-- everyone was like, "Do not pass the mic to me!" [laughter] That's okay. But you get the idea? Okay. Good enough. Please have a seat. Then the S type people, they really get their focus from the outside in. They're more scientific-oriented and-- if you're an S type, can you please stand up? So people who are S type, take their information from the outside. Sometimes S types have more challenge to understand what's going on inside themselves. The N type--they are constantly gathering that information. Whereas the S type--if the outside looks good--then it's all good. Sometimes it's more--like I say--more challenging to understand themselves. Whereas an N type--that's the world they live in. Okay. Please have a seat. Then you have the category of T and F. T being thinkers and F being feeling people. If you are a T type, will you please stand up? And who is a high T? High T? High T? What number? >>75, 75. >>What kind of work do you do--career wise? >>Physical therapy. >>Okay. Who else here--high T types--anyone? What number? >>I don't know my number >>Do you have a number--what number T? 13? >>Okay. T types? What kind of work do you do? >>Graphic design. >>Graphic design? >>Personal trainer. >>Personal trainer? Do you think you think a lot? >>I spend hours planning workouts. >>She says she spends hours thinking workouts and things like that. Okay. It's good to know that not everyone is a thinking type. If you're a feeling type--so you guys can sit down. If you're a feeling type, please stand up. [laughter] So feeling type people tend to make choices based on their feelings. Sometimes what you're feeling isn't necessarily actually rationally true. [laughter] Like I've been in a relationship where my girlfriend will say to me, "I feel like you're really hating on me right now." I'm like--that's like the furthest thing from my mind, right. I'm coming from work, and I'm thinking about this and this. So just because you're feeling something about someone-- it may not be true. You get what I'm saying? >>Yeah. >>And a lot of times vice versa. You say like, "Don't you have any feelings?" "You're always telling me your thoughts. What do you feel?" Well people who are thinking type--they're like Spock-- they don't really-- they don't know what you're talking about. This is a category that is very different for men and women. A lot of the other categories are more even. But around this women are more feeling type and men are more thinking type. That's where we get the "Men are from Mars" kind of perspective. A lot of times you may not feel like--do you think I felt like getting out of bed this morning at 7:00 to come here? No. >>As much as I love you, I felt like staying in bed the whole day. Because most of you are feeling type, I think it's really important that you understand how to have a peace agreement between your feeling side and your rational thinking side and to recognize when is the important time to go with your feelings and when it's really beneficial to have the rational side kick in and think this through and be like, "You know, Josh, I know you feel like staying in bed, but probably it would not be a good idea." And for you to be able to develop that for yourself. Okay. Please have a seat. Then you have the last two. There is the J type and the P type. Suffice it to say that I call the P type--is the party people. Party people--they're like--manana--I'll do it tomorrow kind of thing. They're really good at partying. They love to have fun. I also call them the procrastinating type. The higher is your P score, the more challenging it is to have your life in order. You probably have a bigger smile on your face than most people. You're enjoying yourself more. But a little more challenge to get career in order, to have an orderly house, and to have all things--it just seems like--where do I start? On the other hand, with J people, they don't--they often really don't know how to have fun. They are so organized. I think back to a situation where I had these two students who were-- both of them--they were married--and both of them were high J. I went to visit their home. I swear--everything was in the right place. Their whole life was completely in order, but they weren't happy. A lot of times they will--like on a Saturday night--they're like, "Okay. I'm going to go to the party, but first I'm going to get my files set up." They just don't know how to relax until everything is in place. They're the ones--they're having contractions, and they're still sweeping the floor-- J type people, please stand up. Okay. Do you like structure? >>Yes. >>Sshh. Can you relate to what I was saying about orderliness? >>I think that I have trouble with organization, but it's probably a part of me that I need to develop more. But I definitely don't know how to have fun. That's for sure. So that part I was able to relate to. >>Okay. Isn't it interesting to see how someone could categorize people in this way, and when you put them all together-- the different four letters-- you can come up with a really distinct image of you as an individual. That's what's available in the book. That's what you can share with your clients. Who is a high J type? High J type? Yes? >>Like you were saying, before you can go out to a party you have to clean out your files-- I had to clean my entire house before I came here this weekend. Like everything had to be in order before I came so that when I went back it would be in order. >>Where does that come from? >>I don't know. I don't know. It's just there. >>Yeah. >>It's very intense. It has to be in order. >>Yes. Thank you. >>I'm a very, very high J. I think I had 18 out of 20. For example, if I get up before my fiance does and then I get home before he does--he doesn't make the bed, I do. So even if I'm going to bed in two hours, I have to make the bed. The bed has to be made before I can go back to bed. Everyday. The house is cleaned before we go to bed. >>Once the--with both of you--what's the good side of being a J person? >>I get things done. >>Yeah. You want something done--are you going to give it to a P person or a J person? [laughter] You give it to a P person, they're going to have fun while they're doing it. They're going to find new creative ways of doing it. For you, what's the good side of being a J person? >>Once everything is all clean and organized, I can relax, and I'm so relaxed--forever--until it gets a little messy. [laughter] >>All right. Very good. Let's have the P people--party people-- let's make some noise. [cheering, applause] Who here--who likes to party? Let's do some dance moves. [cheering, laughter] What do you enjoy about being a party person? >>I like to party. Except I'm INFP, so it's really hard to party. >>Yeah. Okay. >>I love dancing and socializing--just love it. >>Very good. >>Same thing. I just like to socialize and have a good time, but learn from other people in the process-- I think that's they best way to do it is being around people. >>Uh-hunh (affirmative). What do you think might be the cost of being a party person? >>I don't get much done. [laughter] >>I try, but I don't get much done. >>Uh-hunh (affirmative). >>I have big plans though to get things done. >>A lot of big plans-- >>A lot of big plans, and they're all written down somewhere. >>Yes. >>Yes. >>Different lists. >>Yeah. >>Okay. Just like with blood type, you would try to figure out how to individuate your sessions for that individual-- the same thing-- if you have a P type person, you're going to speak with them differently or understand them differently or direct them differently based on that. Whereas with a J person, you're going to make sure that they go out--okay-- Saturday--no work--no organizing--find ways to-- you're not saying the same thing to all your clients. You're seeing them as an individual, and you are then crafting your session with them for them, which will get them an extremely bigger, different result than if you are just doing the same old thing with everyone. Is that clear? Any last words from party people? [talking at once] The ones who have their hands up are extroverted party people. [laughter] >>Hi. I'm Christy. >>Yeah. Can you just turn around and speak to them? >>Hi. I'm Christy, and I am an introverted/extroverted/intuitive/party- procrastination type of person. The reason why I felt inspired to share today is because for me the P--the procrastination part of it-- has often interfered with the party part of it in that often I feel like I want to go out and do things and have fun, but because I feel like I have so much work that's not done and projects not completed and because I struggle with organization and time management and things like that-- there's often times when I want to go out and have fun. But I won't because I have so much work to do and things that I haven't done. I'm actually doing a little bit of RC--reevaluation counseling-- and one of the things that came out in one of my last sessions was I can enjoy my life and I can have fun even if all of my work is not done. So that's been very empowering, and I've been enjoying playing more, and I find that the more that I am playing and enjoying myself the more energy I have to work on some of my projects. >>Very good. Thank you. >>Thank you. >>So you get the plan? Look yourself up in those books. Definitely find out--husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, children-- once you understand who you're dealing with, you can--like there's no point telling a thinking person I feel like this and this. You're talking a different language. So in personal relationship you can craft your words to create better understanding with who you are communicating with.

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Duration: 28 minutes and 45 seconds
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Posted by: dcoletta on May 1, 2013

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