Come guadagnare la fiducia di una persona

In 90% of cases, when someone stops me to show me something, a project, an activity, an idea, this is more or less what happens. “Hi there, Monty! How goes it in Brighton, is it raining? We are Tracker Gatt. We make feline-tracking systems so that felines don’t get lost. We are a fantastic team, we have a super-cool project. We are about to revolutionise the feline universe - newspapers like il Corriere, La Repubblica and zia Canina di Mondogatto, are talking about us. We’d like you to buy this product or invest in this product or take part in whatever it is. We’re in London next week, at the Siamese cat trade show. If you come and visit us we will give you all the details of this fantastic opportunity. If you are a responsible cat owner, you cannot miss this opportunity. Bye and meow!” When confronted with this sort of introduction, I don’t know about you, but when I hear “Hi there Monty” I just switch off. The crazy thing is that, when I think of how I introduce a project, I tend to make precisely the same mistake. Which is actually a mistaken approach and layout. So I went and found a booklet by an American expert in counter-espionage. The book is called "The Code of Trust", by Robin Dreeke, and is very useful. This gentleman tries to identify the engagement rules to apply when trying to establish a relationship with people with whom often you cannot establish a relationship. Russian spies, American spies, how do you get them to talk? Here is some advice I think is very useful and let us try to re-write the introduction I mentioned earlier - what was it? Tracker Gatt, using this different approach. Rule number 1: the main issue is trust. If you don’t trust something, you really aren’t going to buy it. There is no transaction. There must be some kind of trust first. A small detail - people generally don’t trust other people much. Just think of yourselves, how many people do you have absolute trust in? Want to discover that immediately? How many people would you give your mobile phone to for 24 hours, no restrictions whatsoever? How many? So the question is: how do we gain other people’s trust? Really, so that it comes in handy during any negotiation, presentation, bargaining and the like. Our counter-espionage expert has several rules and I must say that I was quite struck by some. To begin with, the mother of all concepts: if I am trying to sell you Tracker Gatt, the subject is not how I get you to buy it. The subject is to completely turn over this approach. The question is: why should you buy it? Why should you open my e-mail? Why should you spend even 30 seconds on this project? What are your priorities? What are your objectives? Another concept is suspended judgement. When we feel judged, there is no trust. I like Brighton because this city does not make judgements. You go out dressed as Spiderman to have an ice cream (and it happens often) and you may not be appreciated but you are never judged. Your decisions are respected. Respect also means granting some choices. For example, in our imaginary presentation, which is not so imaginary after all, why don’t you let me decide where to meet you, where it’s convenient for me, not for you? In that way, a) you get to know me better; b) I am far more relaxed, no, I am far more prepared to listen to what you have to say to me. Another essential aspect is that the aim is not to manipulate or convince people, coerce them with ploys, tricks, techniques and tactics. The aim is to establish a healthy relationship, based on an open, honest conversation and founded on facts. So come on, let’s try to review the initial presentation based on these concepts. Let’s break it down into something like this. Opening line. True appreciation (no sucking up) of one of the features of the person or company we are dealing with. Number 2, what are their priorities and their objectives. By the way, all this stuff is backed by a number of studies, neurosciences, which means that when we use this approach there is a brain reward. The brain receives - how shall I phrase it - a happiness kick. Number 3, acknowledge and respect that type of decision. Number 4, ask. To gather thoughts and opinions on my context. Number 5: give choices. So I’ll give it a go, I would try like this: “Hi there, Monty! I really would like to say that we greatly appreciated the video in which you were so kind to your cat, Perdy. You have shown to be a caring cat-owner.” Yes, I am. “As we have seen your cat grow from video to video, what are your plans? Do you think you’ll keep her in the house or will you let her out to walk in the garden?” Perdy does not go out into the garden because she is stupid and gets lost. “We understand your point of view, because 73% of pets let out into the garden then go out and actually get lost. So, Monty, what do you think of a solution that allows you to monitor exactly where Perdy is at any time of the day? Which, for the record, has been developed by us. In the last 2 years, with a fantastic team, incredible research work, blah, blah, blah. Would this be an interesting solution you would consider? If you are, we can discuss the details. If you are not interested, please tell us and we will not contact you again.” So, even if it is presented this way, I still won’t buy Tracker Gatt because Perdy is not let out into the garden. End of story. But you agree, we may not buy that product, but we have established the most important thing - a relationship of trust.