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Joós István: A szívesség sztori - TEDxDanubia 2010

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hello Let's begin right away. Who is the man? I was born into a family with old traditions and got everything in the 70's and 80's that could be given in Hungary at that time in order to become competitive, good and successful. Except of one single thing: money. I have not inherited any. In no form. Thus, I started life with an enormous hunger and greed. This was my first operation mode, motivated by 3 things: First of all: I wanted success, cause I wanted money, cause I wanted women. This was my self in my 20's. For this reason I call this period of mine the selfish worm period, and as a selfish worm I created an IT start-up company, it was dealing with web-developement during the dotcom bubble times. We were very successful, we made a lot of money in a very short period of time, which I wasted on extremely useless things. However I still have the cloths, these are also from those days. The development curve of this company looked like this: This is seemingly success. Big tenders, really, money, car, money is pouring like anything, but what really matters is, I think, the colour of the line, that - as I started very enthusiastically, very dinamically - it changed from green to red, after a while I felt narrowed, limited, because I had to manage people, manage the company, my salary, my car, etc. How shall I manage all these? What' s more, I didn' t feel any more that I am good in it. So, I reached the top of this curve absolutely frustrated. What happened? What could have happen? Bankruptcy. I have sold the whole company for 1 HUF, the company, which by now might be worth 100 millions. What I am doing is very good job, and there are some among the audience who have also done a very good job, cause it is kind of funny, that I have met here so many of those faces that are familiar to me from the dotcom bubble period. It would be worth to held a presentation on this kind of overlappings. Some might say, that this is an extreme failure, as it is indeed. By the way, there was a time when I myself felt like that, right after it has happened, and it was hard to cope with it for some time. But I understood that if I take this 1 HUF as pocketmoney, it seems immediately what the story is about. I could start a slean sheet. I got a clean sheet from life at the age of 33, so that as a prepared man, with all my experience, knowledge, opportunity and talent, which were gathered in me I could do something with my life, something, that I find really good, something that I would like to do, something that makes me enthusiastic. However, it was not an easy decision, I have spent an entire year sitting in the park that you can see on the picture. It is on the Istenhegy, a garden of a confectionery. I had to take a decision namely, - on the one hand I was making business plans - I was making business plans, business plans that were worth more billion, strategies on how I will become really successful, and very-very rich, if for the first time I did not succeed, for the second time I will. This was one side. On the other hand, I got a feeling deep inside, that what I am planning to do might be wrong, maybe I should do something else, not these business plans. As a next step I finally listened to my heart, and so the (favour net) has come into being. is a community site on the web, anybody can come there and offer or ask for any kind of favour. Really any kind of favour, from digging the garden to second-hand bike, there was even somebody who asked for prayers. Anyone can come and ask, without any condition, without token system, without money, so it is about unconditional help, about connecting, in fact. Coming to the numbers, by today it counts more than 8000 members, more than 7000 comments, more than 40 volunteers, so it is long not about me, and this would also be worth to be framed in a talk, that how many has come with their enthusiasm, how many helped to grow. There is a Spanish site as well and we absolutely have the intention to offer support for those who want to start something similar abroad. Szivesség community. Going back to our original list of success, money, woman, I can tell, it brought success, as I am standing in front of you. It is an enormous honour by the way, really. But what about the money, as such? The money...? The money is finished. No doubt that the money is finished, for I have only lived on my enthusiasm in the past years, and I really didn' t care for making a living etc., at all, not even about my daily bread, however I' ve learned interesting lessons from life in this period, I survived, after all I could always buy a slice of bread, thank's to my faith and enthusiasm, that I invested in the szivesség community, to the drift I could do it day after day, being there, it gave my personality some credit. All at once I saw people coming to me, to me, to a person who used to knock on the door of big companies to ask if they want to cooperate, and these people were asking my help, my help in building social sites, because they saw that the szivesség is not bad, I might know something, and maybe I can help them. So i could earn like this in 2009. These were odd jobs, small consultancy jobs. By 2010 it turned out, that what I am in fact doing at the szivesség community, the conversation with people, the sharing of my experience, being attentive towards them, is an existing career, it is called coaching. I did not know about this. But it excited me, so I started a coaching society, which got the name serpa community, because I did not like this naming convention of coaching, this is more expressive. The one who has experience, is sharing it. Still, I did not solve my living with this, for the simple reason that my needs are higher, at a certain point I had to accept the fact that my needs are on a given level. I like skiing, I like sailing, and I can pretend to be a guru, or simply deny these needs even for decades, but I am not sure that that would be the solution. And even with the Serpa community I did not earn enough to have the standard of living that I desired to have in order to live a creative and meaningful life in this world. So most recently I have come to know that there is also a career path called CSR, this was new to mee too, it stands for Corporate Social Responsibility. Realizing that by the way this is exactely the thing what I am doing, because the is about the same, i am driven by this, i have experience in this and I have credit, I have written my first resume. It is a big deal for me, because I have never had one, and I realised that I want to be a CSR leader at some company to be able to practice the things which make me enthusiastic, such as the, in a proper form and on appropriate basis. So turning back to our original list, on the one hand money started to flow, it is just a small sign, yes, yes, it started trickling, on the other hand I calmed down for I have come to know that there is at least one big company in Hungary which takes CSR serious and it is not just display-case project that it wants, my knowledge is valued by them and I am payed well. So I dare to mark this point too. Women. So... during these years it turned out that what I really need is not so much women, but woman, what' s more rather a partner. Comming to this point I gained an important understanding, and it is a really important understanding, namely that as long as I don' t find peace, as long as I don' t find my right place in this world as a human and as a man, as long as I don't feel that I am a valuable person, who does good and valuable things and has a place under the sun - so to say - I am simply not ready for a relationship, I was not ready, until now, I feel, the time is comming soon, that I will be ready at all for a relationship, and as the above things are getting clear, I think the woman, who will be my partner, and with whom we will really grow old togather will arrive. Breaking news, yeah! And you need a job for that also, so... I join the celebrating audience, because it is a good feeling indeed, my life these days very often. Well, not always, cause when I can't ski for instance, it is not so cool. Otherwise I have really astonishing moments of grace, what I am doing now gives me such happyness I have never experienced in my life before. There are a few morals, which I would like to share with you, there are just a few, but for me importan:, that my talent lies in things that are easy for me. This is something that took me a very very long time to understand. I thought the things which are easy for me must be easy for everybody, and I should rather force myself to practice and learn something where I should be better in, and once that is ok, only then I will become a really valuable person. But it is not like that. Not like that. My values lie in the things that are easy for me, in the things that makes me enthusiastic, in things that I do with heart and joy. Those things I am good in. My value lies there. This is my first important insight. To understand where my values lie. Then my second important understanding is something regarding the chosen direction. Which is the good direction? It turned out, that rationally I will never know the good direction. Never. I did not know rationally. As soon as I took the liberty to listen to my feelings and do what I felt to be good, what made me really enthusiastic, where I found peace, and felt valuable and good, the results came. Thanks to that people came, opportunities came, so that now I can stand here. This is another very important insight in my life, namely that whenever we listen to our heart we will find the good direction, the place where we will find peace. Next step: once I've got the direction, steps have to be taken. It was a great experience for me to take a decision here and now alone, similarly to as I can do it here and now. I've spent years with waiting. I have been waiting for the capitalist's money. I've been waiting for my friend to resign and start working with him, or I've been simply waiting for somebody knocking on my door, but really, I felt like a penny waiting for change for years, very long time just has gone with this waiting, and when I finally - obviously out of some high frustration - here and now by myself did what I felt to be good, the outcome has proven to be good indeed, people came and now we are lifting this cause together. Finally the fourth important thing is the truth of "Who dares wins". These are very lonely and dreadful moments - for me at least they were like that. To have courage to stand here all by myself. To have the courage to stand here and tell you that "money, success and women were motivating me." Or to have the courage and stand in front of somebody telling "Hi, i don't want money but there is an enthusiastic thing called". However, if one finds courage from somewhere and dares to export things to the outside world, things that are good, it will be surprising, how many things will follow. And these are usually not the friends, beautiful new people will come and we will lift the cause together, this is my fourth very important insight. So going back to our basic dilemma, weather go for selfishness or altruism? What I have realised is that this question is not ok, what' s more, it is bad. Selfishness and altruism are things that I can present you with an image of a symbolic tree. This also took me a long time to understand, that the root of the tree is selfish. The root of the tree sucks everything but everything from the soil, that feeds him, in order to share this in his canopy. It gives oxigen. It will blossom, it gives fruits. It gives a lot. It serves something, something greater than he himself. The tree. As an enterpreneur first I have tried to build merely roots. My existance became meaninless. The project has failed. And then - at the time of the I tried to build only canopy. So this project is also a failure in some way. It was not good to deny, even to myself, that I need roots. So it failed. It is a very important insight for me, in my little life, that only the balance of these two, only by balancing along the root and the canopy am i able as a tree to exist and create in a way, that both gets place, so that I serve myself and I serve something that is greater, nicer and better than me, something that is valuable. And then I find my place. This is all I wanted to tell. One question is remaining: ... What makes you enthusiastic? Thank you for your attention.

Video Details

Duration: 12 minutes and 6 seconds
Country: Hungary
Language: Hungarian
License: All rights reserved
Producer: TEDxDanubia and WallerStudio
Director: Gyorgy Waller
Views: 4,889
Posted by: waller on Feb 3, 2011

A elindítója, ahol bárki segítséget kérhet vagy ajánlhat fel ingyen a biciklitől a korrepetálásig – majd a alapítója, ahol saját tapasztalatokkal támogatja a válságban levőket az, aki már átélt hasonlót.

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