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-Family. Now I know what you're all expecting. You think I'm gonna say my family's unsupportive, hard to live with, a real pain in the Bieber, but in all reality, they're actually really great. I mean, I feel really loved by them, you know... [cell phone rings] Once second. Here's one of them now. Hey, Mommy. -Ew, don't call me that. What am I, your mom? -Yes. -Oh, so that's what this is. I've been using it to roll my blunts. -What do you want, Mom? -Shane, could you take care of your brother tonight? Glee's on at 8 which means all the fat nasty soccer moms won't be in the grocery store crowding up the pastry aisles. -Take care of him? He's 18. -Oh, he's on death watch again. Rob, a single knot? That'll never snap your neck. Why did I even send you to Boy Scouts? -Sorry Mom, I can't. I have a date tonight. -Sorry, what was that? Sounded like you said you had a date but, my hearing's been fucked up since the '80s when I used to use my ear as my third hole. -I do have a date, Mom. -[laughs loudly] Hey, Rod. Shane says he has a date. -[laughs loudly] -Oh, my God, Shane, Rod hasn't cracked a smile in years and he is literally losing his shit. -[laughing] -Done? Mom? -Shane, what the hell is going on? Your mother looks like she literally laughed herself to death. -What? -What the hell was so funny? -I just told her I had a date. -Ha! [gasps] [dial tone] -Okay, I'm lying. My family can suck it and they can suck it hard. I don't remember them ever treating me with respect. Well, maybe when I was a baby. [baby crying] -You know, you really should do something about that. -Yeah, you're right. [crash!] Phew, should've done that sooner. [crying goes distort] [doorbell rings] -Hi, I'm here to babysit Shane. I brought toys to play with and costumes to try on. -Are you a child molester? -Uhh... yes? [dramatic music plays] Shane, your babysitter's here. You want a beer? -All right, now I just got to test the baby's milk. [spits] Oh, my God! Oh, that is horrible! That is definitely spoiled; oh, I'm gonna have painful diarrhea. Perfect. -Yeah, maybe not. But I guess it could've been worse. I mean, Paris Hilton could've raised me. -Uh, Paris, you shouldn't be smoking around your baby. -Fine. [sizzling] Happy? -I can't wait for her to be a mother. She's be like Mother Teresa, If Mother Teresa had a sex tape and crooked toes. [scream] But that set aside, there is a point I'm trying to make. Everybody's family is fucked up, everybody. Even the ones that don't look like it. The ones that look perfect. I mean, remember 7th Heaven? Where can you go If the world don't treat you right Why do I know that? I mean, that family was practically BFF with Jesus and they still had just as much drama as everybody else. My real family is amazing and I love them, but we have our problems. I wanted to make this video to let you know that you're not alone. If you're from a broken home and you have to deal with things like abuse or divorce or poverty, just know that I understand exactly how you feel, 'cause I had to deal with all of that. So just stay strong find friends you can depend on, and it will get better. And as cheesy as it sounds, just knowing that I love you and I care hopefully that makes you feel a little bit better. Or creeped out, either way's, you're feeling something. So since today's topic is a little bit depressing, why not liven it up with a fun contest? So here is a picture of the beautiful and talented Kesha. I want you to think of the best craziest caption you can and leave it in the comments. I'll be picking the comments randomly and you will get a new [Southern accent]: a Shane Dawson Hot Topic shirt. I don't know why I said it like Miley Cyrus, but here we go, sweet niblits. All right you guys, have a good week, I love you, I really do, and I will see you next Saturday. Bye. Captioned by SpongeSebastian -Shane, your babysitter's here. You want a beer?

Video Details

Duration: 5 minutes and 10 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: Shane Dawson
Director: Shane Dawson
Views: 350
Posted by: spongesebastian on Jan 18, 2011

From Shane Dawson (ShaneDawsonTV)

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