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possible pitfalls Four examples of discussions that don't work very well. The examples have been staged. I'll pick a card, to begin with. You can do so later on. I take card 6. Could you do the same? Example 1: The instructor takes a normative standpoint. The situation is as follows. A boy and a girl at the door. I think they've been out on the town and the girl pushes the boy away. What do you think about that? What do you think it means? She'd rather go home and doesn't want to go home with him the first night. That proves she has a will of her own... and that she doesn't let herself be dragged along by someone. She doesn't want to move too fast. -Okay. Anything else? She draws the line. -Right. And she shows him where. Stefan, what do you think? -I think all has been said by now. Everything goes all right so far, but then... I think she has gone too far already by taking the boy home with her. I don't think so. You often see it in movies that the man takes the woman home. So it's like: Okay, I'll walk you home. And if I want it, it doesn't necessarily mean it has to happen. At least, that's how I see it. The instructor confronts and provokes. At first, this has a stimulating effect. The girl has gone a step too far. Don't you think? Not if he walks her home, if he only walks her home. But doesn't he think: Apparently, she wants me. That's his problem, isn't it? -Yes, he proposes to walk her home. I think it's quite confusing for the boy. Wouldn't it be better to walk home with a girlfriend? Suppose she hasn't gone out with the girlfriend, but with that boy... she could call a girlfriend to escort her, but it wouldn't make any sense. It's better to let a boy walk you home. Suppose he insists and goes in with her, but she doesn't want him to. It doesn't have to be sexual. They can also watch a movie or drink tea. I don't have to go to bed right away. Do you really think the boy wants to watch a movie with the girl? That's quite snug, isn't it? How do boys like it when a girl says: Thanks for walking me home. Bye. You feel screwed, really. We wouldn't use that word, remember? -Really? All right. If that happens, you'd feel a bit rotten. You walk her home, thinking something may happen... and then you're told: Thank you very much. You may go now. A boy should think... He should have respect for her and shouldn't think about sex right away. Really? I often hear that boys are only thinking about sex. When I take a girl home, I don't immediately think: Let's have sex. Boys always want sex. -No, not always. They only have sex on their mind, I heard. Some boys know how to handle things. They offer the girls a drink or, better even, a cellphone. I would have sex with someone if that person would give me a cellphone. Come on, it's a free cellphone, so why not? I think you're rather naive. The mood changes. The participants aren't taken seriously and turn giggly. I'm really worried about you all. You'll all have swollen bellies soon. The way you talk about it, things will go terribly wrong. You trust the boys. Some girls are pregnant at thirteen. Is that the future you want? Say goodbye to school and your future. There you are with your fat belly. You think he'll say: Nice, let's have a baby together. No, you'll be stuck with it. Boys, you may lean back, but that's how it is, that's what you see. In abortion clinics, you don't see any boys escorting the girls. They don't care if she no longer has her periods and is pregnant. Yes, you can laugh about it, but that's how life is. It happens in two seconds, that's the fun, but do you think this is fun? Do you think the sex was fun, if that happens? That's how it is. Not the romantic picture you have in mind. It's all very nice, falling in love, very romantic, lighting candles... and taking long walks in the moonlight. That's not at all what it's like. -So boys can't think? As if we don't know what we want or not want. No, at that moment you don't, you don't think anymore. You just want sex. It's odd to lump all boys together. -I agree. She talks all the time, there's no end to it. Conclusion: The instructor's normative approach makes... that the pupils don't feel involved. Example 2: The instructor acts authoritarian. Okay, who wants to say anything about the pictures on the table? What do you think the storyline is? Kimberley, you want to start? -Sure. In the first picture, I see three friends talking about various things. In the second one, they're in a bar, I guess. A boy tries to seduce a girl or vice versa. In the third one, I think the boy asks if he can walk her home... because on the next one, she tells him she doesn't want to come inside. In the other picture, I think he asks if he can walk her home. When they get to her house, I think she refuses to come inside. Conclusion: Due to the instructor's authoritarian attitude... the children don't talk among each other. Example 3: The instructor asks closed questions. Closed questions can only be answered with yes or no. You're looking at the red storyline. The story deals with adolescence. Did you notice that? Adolescence is a tough period for both boys and girls. Yes or no? -Yes. The time when your body starts to change, when you fall in love... and the time you're becoming sexually active. Yes or no? Does everybody fall in love for the first time at 13 or 14? No. Does everybody have sex for the first time at 15, 16 or 17? No. We're going to discuss it, looking at the pictures. In the first picture, you see something about the future. Do boys think about a cradle with a baby in it? Is there a difference... between boys' dreams and girls' dreams about the future? What do you see? -Yes. Do you see that in the picture? No. -No, they're just girls. Conclusion: By asking closed questions... you won't spark a discussion. Example 4: The instructor oversteps boundaries. Who would like to say something about... Please react, everyone. Who would like to say something about card 4? A bar. They're in a bar. What do you see? What's happening? People are having a good time, drinking in a bar. They're hanging together. The boy and girl are standing side by side, so perhaps they're flirting. Do you go out, by the way? And do you drink alcohol then? How much do you drink on one night? -What you feel like, really. And what do you drink? I drink beer. How about you? -White wine, I guess. Do your parents know you drink? -Yes, occasionally. Do you tell your parents everything? -Not everything, but a lot. What do and don't you tell them? -I'd rather not talk about it. We won't tell anyone what you say in this room. I know, but still I'd rather not talk about it. Have you ever been drunk? Yes, I have. It happened once. -At home? No, I was on holiday, so... -So what? In a tent? What happened? -Nothing. Was there a boy with you? -No, I was with a friend. Did something happen, because you don't want to talk about it? Conclusion: Sometimes, questions can go too far.

Video Details

Duration: 11 minutes and 24 seconds
Country: Netherlands
Language: English
License: All rights reserved
Views: 62
Posted by: webfoundation on Feb 20, 2012

possible pitfalls

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