Watch videos with subtitles in your language, upload your videos, create your own subtitles! Click here to learn more on "how to Dotsub"

Home Sweet Home

0 (0 Likes / 0 Dislikes)
This is a country that has not captured my attention. I came here for other circumstances. Mainly looking for job opportunities. I don’t like the city itself. Probably, it is because of the weather. It is cold. If it were like autumn or spring all the time, I think I would live more happily here. When I started having all these kind of problems with Carlos, my husband And I was feeling sorry for my children. Specifically last year, I had this idea of starting my life in another city. I still think about it. I have nothing against the city, Maybe the memories, all those bad things lived here. But I also have very nice memories, not all memories are bad. When I arrived for first time, I had the help from people who really love me. However, if you ask me to leave everything behind nowadays, I do not think it twice, I would leave everything behind and I would go to another city. I remember the first day I moved into this neighborhood. I was with my baby girl. It was June 6, 2006. The first thing I did it was to give her a bath. Then, I sat her down on a little chair outside of the house. She was happily laughing. I spent the whole afternoon cleaning up and organizing with my girl. So beautiful my Juliana. I still remember that beautiful smile she had. It was a good time when we came to live here in 2006. It was a pleasant time. A tranquil time I would say. In 2012, the year when everything started to change. A memory that marked me in particular, It was when he told me why I cooked the same recipes every day. That hurt my soul. I know I am not a great cook but I tried my best. So I told him one day "because you are judging me for that, now you will really know who I am" So I stopped cooking for him. I did not cook with the same affection. I did cook for my children with more affection and hard work. but really those words hurt one in the soul as a woman. Because of my depression I traveled to Colombia. It was total chaos when I returned. Because he stopped paying for the rent, paying for the bills, He stopped paying for the credit cards. When I came back, there were three, four, five months late fees. At that moment the chaos began. I remember it a lot because it was harassment. For me it was traumatic since January 27. The day when the people from social services came home. It was traumatic because my suffering with the owner of the house began. He waited for me in the morning and at night. Watching over me, watching over me. I wished to get out of that house already. I am not a believer in witchcraft or those sort of things. But I do believe in positive and negative energies. And the house was full of negative energy. I did not feel comfortable there. I was afraid to sleep at night. I felt he was prowling around the house. Even though the police told him to leave us alone. I remember that day perfectly, I moved at noon when my brother came for me. We left everything there. I left everything. I just took my clothes and my children's toys. I left everything. Bed. Table, seats, sofa. I left everything. Pots, I left everything. As a way to burn a stage of my life. Besides they were old things. What for? So I think it was better to leave that in the past, start with a new life. Just as the way how I arrived, I was leaving. Only with my clothes. Only with my clothes. I left in peace. The first night, February 5, 2017, I slept quietly. First night after five years of suffering. I've never crossed it since I moved out of here. I have not walked that block. I walk around other streets. I've only passed by in the car but I continue my way straight down. About five times I've passed by. No more. I did not feel safe, I was afraid to get to the house. Sometimes I found him there and he was like a crazy man. Having someone threatening you with a knife all night, it's very hard. Because you think at any moment a tragedy will happen, especially with children, when you have children you know. I think if I had been by myself I would have left a while ago, But as a woman one does many things for one's children, You endurance, endurance but comes a moment that you said no. On January 27, 2017 I exploded in the hospital. They saw me very depressed so they asked me if I had domestic violence. and I told them that yes. They called social services for me, Social services showed up at 9pm at home, On January 27, 2017. When I wanted to go out with my children, I used to come to the park because I didn't have a car nor money. He didn't give us money. What happened in this park? I found nice people to talk to. Here I felt a little bit safe. Because I released everything I felt in the apartment. I didn't tell my problems to everyone. No. I didn't feel like all the people should know. I only shared my story to two or three people I knew... ...who loved me and appreciated me. They offered me their house. They gave me food. People that I appreciate a lot. They check on me regularly. They ask me if my life has changed. They see me much better than before. I was very haggard and pale. They also check on my health. And my son Sebastian plays with their children too. They are people who appears in you in life and offer you unconditional help. Can you imagine? Honestly, I needed someone to vent on. These people made me feel good. They gave me advice. They told me to divorce. and fight for my kids. Others told me to not divorce. Only you know what happens within the four walls you live in. Only you know what's going on. So I loved to come to this park. I stayed here up to 9pm or 11pm talking with people. I arrived here around 3pm or 4pm. When the kids came out of school. I could stay here until late. I didn't feel the time because I was happy. Until my cell phone rang around 9pm and 10pm. It was him asking me where I was. I said "why do you want me to go back home soon?" Especially on Fridays and Saturdays when I stayed until late here. I said to him "don't bother me, I'm tranquil" And he'll show up here at the park anyway. I feel comfortable at the church. I've overcame the fear. Sometimes I'm afraid to go there but let's go anyway. It is always good to face the fears. Because he suddenly appeared to me at the church. It's been a long time since I came to San Sebastian church. I go to another church now. I feel more comfortable somewhere else. At San Sebastian's I just go to the chapel. I don't get in to the church itself. It's been more than a year I went in to the church. More memories come back in the winter when I had to stay until 11pm. I didn't have anywhere else to go. Those are negative thoughts that stay in your mind. Look... I walk this area with tranquility because I take my son to the school. I've overcome this area because it is part of my routine. I know my son wants to come to this school. I don't want to cause him any trauma. The psychologist said it was ok for him to remain in that school. Sometimes I ask to myself "what am I doing in this neighborhood?" I don't like this neighborhood. Despite the good or bad moments I lived here. I suppose with time everything will heal. It won't happen overnight. At the beginning it was hard for me to take Sebastian to the school. I tried to avoid this side of the street by making a detour on Roosevelt Ave. I feel in peace when I visit my therapist. She is someone who doesn't criticize me or judge me. She gives me advice and help me with meditation exercises. I meditate so I replace the bad memories for good ones. I've been coming here for two years. Before I received therapy at Elmhurst Hospital. My current therapist listens to me. and helps to transform bad memories for good thoughts. At the hospital, they were giving me too much medicine. Medicine to dope me. To make me forget many things. But I wasn't feel good. They prescribed me one that made me sleepy. Trazodone. Trazodone. 100 mg. I started with a dose of 25 mg. Then they increased the dose because I was very depressed. The situations that you live with your partner can overwhelm you so much that you want to be doped all the time. I told this experience to my therapist. She taught me how to transport myself somewhere else. I needed to learn how to overcome these situations by myself. By transporting my mind to a peaceful place. And the only place where I feel in peace is at church. Because I erase everything that it is around me. He grabbed from my back by surprise. He stood on the train station just to stalk me. Oh no, this corner is terrible for me! I don't want to go to there. That elevator is where he grabbed me. and he told me "don't dare to scream" and I replied him "if you don't let me go, I'll call the police" and immediately he let me go. My body shivers every time I see that elevator there. It's been a while since the last time I was here. He climbed those stairs and waited for me upstairs. He kept staring at me from the bench. or standing in those fences watching me walk. But it was a matter of seconds because when I came from the house, he was already here waiting for me. Or he was at home and then he would come behind me. Anytime I went out with my children he would follow us behind. I didn't have peace, I didn't have life. Because a person who is harassing you all the time and showing up as a surprise Obviously you feel stalked up. It comes to a point that you're in a constant panic everyday. What happened during that time? Carlos lost all the love and respect I had for him. He lost my love because he did things that hurt me everyday. He lost my respect since he started insulting me and hitting me with his own body. From that moment, my love was over. When there is not love in the relationship, everything is over. When there is not respect in the relationship, everything is over too. My love and respect for him were over.

Video Details

Duration: 13 minutes and 39 seconds
Country:
Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
Genre: None
Views: 2
Posted by: cquigua on Sep 17, 2018

Caption and Translate

    Sign In/Register for Dotsub to translate this video.