What people actually think about on a first date 

<i>Swipe right... Swipe right...</i> <i>Mm... Swipe right.</i> Sam? <i>Ew, swipe left.</i> John? <i>Oh, and that's my blind date.</i> <i>Of course that's what Michaela's friend would look like.</i> Hello! Hey! <i>Okay, actually, he's kinda cute!</i> <i>Less Tinder, and more... OkCupid.</i> <i>I would kiss him, but a handshake?</i> <i>This guy could honestly be a virgin. That's it, he's a virgin.</i> <i>Or he's just respectful.</i> <i>Did I feed nemo before I left?</i> <i>How long can a fish go without eating?</i> (Waitress) Here are your menus, Can I get you started with anything to drink? Just a water please. <i>Just a water? I always have a Dr Pepper with lunch. <i>Will he think I'm a fatty if I order a soda? I'll just have water too. <i>Dammit, I'm already changing myself for him. So what are you feeling? I'm really liking these vegetarian options. <i>Uh! A little pricey here. <i>What if he thinks that I'm assuming he's paying? <i>I'll look like a freeloader! <i>But I'm not! <i>Maybe just the side salad for me tonight. Mmm... I'm kinda feeling this organic turkey wrap. <i>How the hell does he think that I can afford the <i>organic turkey wrap when I can't even afford the <i>McRib from McDonald's? I think that sounds like a great choice! <i>Why the fuck did I say that? (Waitress) For today's lunch, the chef is offering several specials. We have a lovely chicken parmesan, a roasted pork tenderloin with zesty fall-inspired seasoning. And fresh from the ocean, we have a delectable fish option — An oven-baked sea bass plate with lemon caper dressing and a side of oven-baked potatoes. <i>Who just rips fish right out of the ocean and puts them on a menu? <i>Nemo, I'm so sorry.. <i>I'll be home soon. <i>Pull yourself together, John! Focus here! Tenderloin! Two please! That sounds delicious. <i>Goodbye, money. So, uh... What do you think? <i>Oh no, he wants to hear this stream of consciousness? <i>I'll take no second date for 500, Alex. This? This is just my resting face. No, what do you think of this restaurant? It's nice right? <i>Yeah, but all I can afford is the water in the fancy toilets. And don't worry about cost. It's on me. <i>As will be the death of Nemo... <i>Do I hear angels singing? 'Cause God has just <i>come down and blessed the hell outta me. Oh you really don't have to do that. Oh! You're right. I totally get it. Michaela said you're very independent. <i>I'm testing Nemo's independence tonight... Oh, I'm not that independent... <i>Fuck you, Michaela. What I meant was... how about we split the bill? I never let the girl pay on the first date. <i>Is he the hero that Gotham deserves? Please, let me pay. <i>I'll be paying for Nemo's death shortly! And it's him. Batman. Michaela was right. You are sweet. <i>Nemo, seriously, I can hear you crying for food. <i>I'll be there soon I promise. I'm sorry, I can't do this. I have to go. Was it something I said?