What people actually think about on a first date
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<i>Swipe right... Swipe right...</i>
<i>Mm... Swipe right.</i>
Sam?
<i>Ew, swipe left.</i>
John?
<i>Oh, and that's my blind date.</i>
<i>Of course that's what Michaela's
friend would look like.</i>
Hello!
Hey!
<i>Okay, actually, he's kinda cute!</i>
<i>Less Tinder, and more... OkCupid.</i>
<i>I would kiss him, but a handshake?</i>
<i>This guy could honestly be a virgin.
That's it, he's a virgin.</i>
<i>Or he's just respectful.</i>
<i>Did I feed nemo before I left?</i>
<i>How long can a fish go
without eating?</i>
(Waitress)
Here are your menus,
Can I get you started with anything to drink?
Just a water please.
<i>Just a water? I always have a
Dr Pepper with lunch.
<i>Will he think I'm a fatty if
I order a soda?
I'll just have water too.
<i>Dammit, I'm already
changing myself for him.
So what are you feeling?
I'm really liking these
vegetarian options.
<i>Uh! A little pricey here.
<i>What if he thinks that I'm assuming
he's paying?
<i>I'll look like a freeloader!
<i>But I'm not!
<i>Maybe just the side salad
for me tonight.
Mmm... I'm kinda feeling
this organic turkey wrap.
<i>How the hell does he think
that I can afford the
<i>organic turkey wrap when I can't
even afford the
<i>McRib from McDonald's?
I think that sounds like
a great choice!
<i>Why the fuck did I say that?
(Waitress)
For today's lunch,
the chef is offering several specials.
We have a lovely chicken parmesan,
a roasted pork tenderloin with
zesty fall-inspired seasoning.
And fresh from the ocean, we have
a delectable fish option —
An oven-baked sea bass plate
with lemon caper dressing and
a side of oven-baked potatoes.
<i>Who just rips fish right out of
the ocean and puts them on a menu?
<i>Nemo, I'm so sorry..
<i>I'll be home soon.
<i>Pull yourself together, John!
Focus here!
Tenderloin!
Two please!
That sounds delicious.
<i>Goodbye, money.
So, uh...
What do you think?
<i>Oh no, he wants to hear
this stream of consciousness?
<i>I'll take no second date
for 500, Alex.
This? This is just my resting face.
No, what do you think of this restaurant?
It's nice right?
<i>Yeah, but all I can afford is
the water in the fancy toilets.
And don't worry about cost.
It's on me.
<i>As will be the death of Nemo...
<i>Do I hear angels singing?
'Cause God has just
<i>come down and blessed
the hell outta me.
Oh you really don't have
to do that.
Oh! You're right.
I totally get it.
Michaela said
you're very independent.
<i>I'm testing Nemo's
independence tonight...
Oh, I'm not that independent...
<i>Fuck you, Michaela.
What I meant was...
how about we split the bill?
I never let the girl pay on
the first date.
<i>Is he the hero that
Gotham deserves?
Please, let me pay.
<i>I'll be paying for
Nemo's death shortly!
And it's him. Batman.
Michaela was right.
You are sweet.
<i>Nemo, seriously, I can hear
you crying for food.
<i>I'll be there soon I promise.
I'm sorry, I can't do this.
I have to go.
Was it something I said?