spiders doped
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the wood spider is the most accomplished of all web building species
recently, scientists gave these tiny creatures a variety of psychoactive drugs
to observe their effects on web building
when given a minute dose of LSD, the spider's web took on an
unfamiliar, minimalist structure
when given caffeine the web structure was not affected,
but the spiders behavior was.
given THC, the active ingedient in marijuana,
the spider didn't build a web, it built a hammack
where it'd lay all day
and watch the caffeine spider go.
when given alcohol, the spider built a web,
found a mate,
and raised over a hundred young
but the mate got a restraining order and now the spider
can't go withing a hundred centimeters of the web.
the crack cocaine spider figured building webs was for suckers.
waited until the caffeine spider was exhausted,
then came up behind it and popped a cap in it's ass
nice web, mister crack spider
when winter came, the marijuana spider had no place to live,
it ended up in the crack web as the crack spider's bitch
for more information on the crack spider's bitch
contact the canadian wildlife service in ottawa