Sarcasm 101 with Matthew Perry
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-Oh, and class, whoever parked in my space, thank you. I enjoyed the walk.
-You're welcome!
-Yeah, there's nothing like an hour in the rain.
-Oh, wait-wait-wait! Oh, I get it. You're saying that because you don't want him to
park in your space.
-Very good, you win the trip to Jamaica.
-Hey! You didn't say there was a prize!
-Wow, could you be any stupider?
-Excuse me, is this Sarcasm 101?
-No, it's Lamaze class. It's Lamaze class for men named Arthur.
-Oh, okay, sorry.
-No, no. This is Sarcasm 101. And could you be any more gullible? Take any chair you like.
-Thanks.
-Except that one.
-I'm kidding, sit down.
-It's hard to tell if you're joking.
-Thanks. What's your name?
-Marissa.
-Well done. Marissa has just learned what? Anyone, anyone, Bueller?
-Good sarcasm is hard to distinguish from normal speech?
-Be more of a teacher's pet?
-Tom, I heard that. Good one. Okay, last week's assignment was how you describe the food in
England. Jane?
-The food is so good there.
-Excellent. Tom?
-Oh, yeah, boiling everything is a really super-smart way to cook things.
-Well done.
-Thanks.
-Kevin?
-When my dad eats, he sounds like a pig!
-No, no, that could not be more wrong. And just so you know, Kevin, I don't like it when
you say things.
-But my dad's from England!
-Okay, see, I see your mouth moving but all I'm hearing is like "Whooo, blah-be-boo, woo,
my dad, my dad!"
You see, Marissa, England is famous for having awful food, so--
-Why do you have to criticize everybody? I'm sure they have some good food.
-How was I gonna say that, how was I gonna respond to that? Oh, right.
"I don't care."
-Now you're just being rude.
-Well, be more sensitive.
-Way to take a joke, Marissa.
-Good one.
-Hey, Marissa, you know, whenever you're talking makes me wanna have sex with you less.
-Not quite sarcastic, Tom, but an excellent try.
-You people are cruel!
-"You people are cruel!" That wasn't sarcasm, I just enjoyed doing that.
Okay, quick pop quiz. You walk into a bar, you see this ugly-looking fat guy in the
corner. You turn to your friends and you say...what?
-Could he be any larger?
-Could he be any uglier?
-He looks like my dad!
-Kevin, Kevin, try again.
-He... he looks a great deal like my... dad!
-Class?
-Be more stupid?
-You're not very nice!
-No, no, no, you should try saying "Could you be any meaner?"
-I don't think you could be.
-Marissa, why did you come here?
-My mother says I have no sense of humor.
-He-he-really?
-Mr. Bennett, I was wondering if we could waste more time catering to Marissa's
"mommy issues" instead of actually learning something?
-Excellent, Brian.
-I don't see what's so funny!
-Oh, there's a shocker.
-I nominate Marissa for class president due to her incisive wit.
-You people just don't know when to... when to stop!
-Why don't you cry about it?
-Hey, hey. A good one.
-Hey, Mr. Bennett, I think that's enough, man. She's really crying.
-Yeah, Mr. Bennett, lay off now.
-I want to take a bath with Marissa! I mean, I mean, that is to say, could I want more
to... could I want to... Can I take a bath with Marissa?
-Brian, excellent. Jane, be weaker. Tom, be more of a baby. And, Kevin, no, no, you cannot.
-Everybody, meet Marissa Langford, my teaching assistant.
-Oh, she was faking?
-Catch on slower.
-Heeeeeeey! I don't think she's a student.
-Be a bigger moron.
-Can I...Can I still take a bath with you?
-All right, that's time, people. Tonight your homework is to be glib to somebody you're
afraid of.
-Great. Hey, could this class suck more?
-Could the teacher be any worse?
-Could she take a bath with me?!