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Sarcasm 101 with Matthew Perry

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-Oh, and class, whoever parked in my space, thank you. I enjoyed the walk. -You're welcome! -Yeah, there's nothing like an hour in the rain. -Oh, wait-wait-wait! Oh, I get it. You're saying that because you don't want him to park in your space. -Very good, you win the trip to Jamaica. -Hey! You didn't say there was a prize! -Wow, could you be any stupider? -Excuse me, is this Sarcasm 101? -No, it's Lamaze class. It's Lamaze class for men named Arthur. -Oh, okay, sorry. -No, no. This is Sarcasm 101. And could you be any more gullible? Take any chair you like. -Thanks. -Except that one. -I'm kidding, sit down. -It's hard to tell if you're joking. -Thanks. What's your name? -Marissa. -Well done. Marissa has just learned what? Anyone, anyone, Bueller? -Good sarcasm is hard to distinguish from normal speech? -Be more of a teacher's pet? -Tom, I heard that. Good one. Okay, last week's assignment was how you describe the food in England. Jane? -The food is so good there. -Excellent. Tom? -Oh, yeah, boiling everything is a really super-smart way to cook things. -Well done. -Thanks. -Kevin? -When my dad eats, he sounds like a pig! -No, no, that could not be more wrong. And just so you know, Kevin, I don't like it when you say things. -But my dad's from England! -Okay, see, I see your mouth moving but all I'm hearing is like "Whooo, blah-be-boo, woo, my dad, my dad!" You see, Marissa, England is famous for having awful food, so-- -Why do you have to criticize everybody? I'm sure they have some good food. -How was I gonna say that, how was I gonna respond to that? Oh, right. "I don't care." -Now you're just being rude. -Well, be more sensitive. -Way to take a joke, Marissa. -Good one. -Hey, Marissa, you know, whenever you're talking makes me wanna have sex with you less. -Not quite sarcastic, Tom, but an excellent try. -You people are cruel! -"You people are cruel!" That wasn't sarcasm, I just enjoyed doing that. Okay, quick pop quiz. You walk into a bar, you see this ugly-looking fat guy in the corner. You turn to your friends and you say...what? -Could he be any larger? -Could he be any uglier? -He looks like my dad! -Kevin, Kevin, try again. -He... he looks a great deal like my... dad! -Class? -Be more stupid? -You're not very nice! -No, no, no, you should try saying "Could you be any meaner?" -I don't think you could be. -Marissa, why did you come here? -My mother says I have no sense of humor. -He-he-really? -Mr. Bennett, I was wondering if we could waste more time catering to Marissa's "mommy issues" instead of actually learning something? -Excellent, Brian. -I don't see what's so funny! -Oh, there's a shocker. -I nominate Marissa for class president due to her incisive wit. -You people just don't know when to... when to stop! -Why don't you cry about it? -Hey, hey. A good one. -Hey, Mr. Bennett, I think that's enough, man. She's really crying. -Yeah, Mr. Bennett, lay off now. -I want to take a bath with Marissa! I mean, I mean, that is to say, could I want more to... could I want to... Can I take a bath with Marissa? -Brian, excellent. Jane, be weaker. Tom, be more of a baby. And, Kevin, no, no, you cannot. -Everybody, meet Marissa Langford, my teaching assistant. -Oh, she was faking? -Catch on slower. -Heeeeeeey! I don't think she's a student. -Be a bigger moron. -Can I...Can I still take a bath with you? -All right, that's time, people. Tonight your homework is to be glib to somebody you're afraid of. -Great. Hey, could this class suck more? -Could the teacher be any worse? -Could she take a bath with me?!

Video Details

Duration: 4 minutes and 33 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Views: 1,839
Posted by: monkpredator04 on Jul 23, 2011

Comedy Central
SNL Classics.

Basis for transcription was taken from http://snltranscripts.jt.org

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