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Ogen - Communication , Fear and Meaning

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Desteni Presents: Vlogs from the Afterlife: Ogen hi there, my name is Ogen and I am here to communicate about communication for a specific reason because I've always not enjoyed communication I didn't actually I hated it, I hated talking to peopl... to beings within the inter-dimensional existence I didn't want anyone around me, I didn't want to talk to anyone because I found that communication, you know with between beings, you know, especially if it's like beings always just wanna talk, you know talk about unnecessary shit and I didn't enjoy participating, It's not even I didn't enjoy, I didn't want to participate in useless conversation, meaningless conversation you know these beings come up "hey, how are you" and "watcha doing" and "oh, you know what this and this and that" "oh, get this" "oh, have you heard about that" and that's all communication consisted of and God knows I didn't know how to communicate I didn't know how to talk, I didn't know how to speak I mean and then I realized something quite interesting I was quite a angry being very angry, stubborn, full of shit and everyone irritated me, everyone pissed me off I was alway agitated hence the not wanting to communicate I didn't like beings, I didn't wanna be around anyone I just wanted to be left alone but even being left alone frustrated me because then I was alone with and fuck I couldn't handle that so within this process for myself - it's quite strange I realized that the reason why I did not I was, the reason why I became so "rrrgh" you know, with regards to communication is because I literally did not know how to how do you communicate how do you just speak I did not know how to, literally I didn't know how do you communicate, how do you participate in conversations and I realized that I didn't realize that and I suppressed my fear of not being able to communicate and that caused anger and resentment towards myself because for everyone it seemed so simple, so easy and why not for me and within that I judged myself excessively very much so and within that self-judgment I said well fuck, you know I don't know how to communicate, I don't know how to participate in communication so fuck it all, you know then I'll just not be around anyone almost like wanting to blame God situation where, you know you kinda go well fuck you then you know, If I can't communicate then that's FINE and then you dwell into your inner anger, your own inner suppression and you remain in and as that then I went further back and I realized that in one of my lives I was this very interesting little boy and my, and I was so afraid of communicating because I so extensively feared being's judgment, lies, deceit, dishonesty because you know you can sometimes just fucking feel it when someone is just talking sh... is lying to your face is deceiving you right before you and that's what I experienced in one of my past lives that I could feel when people who say that they are my friends people who say that they can, I can trust them and shit like that that they are deceiving me and being dishonest with me and lying with me in my face and I got kinda like sick of all the dishonesties, deceits and lies that existed within people that I shut myself out and I eventually died in a basement because I locked myself in didn't come out, didn't eat and thus died that was one of my lives and then when I crossed over I was angry frustrated and just full of shit I was a demon as well, I became a demon and that's also one of the reasons why I didn't want to communicate with anyone you know I could fucking even in the dimensions in dimensional existence feel it you know beings all so nice and formal and perfect and shit lying, deceiving and dishonest straight into your very face but within it all I had to turn to myself meaning I had to look within me because why was this pattern continuing to exist within my experience both on an earth life and in an inter-dimensional experience when I was the boy and the demon and I realized that the very lies and deceits and dishonesties that aggravated me and pissed me off and angered me with regards to others in my world or you know in my sphere of influence if you wanna call it that was merely revealing to me that that existed within me as well and I found a shit load of lies, deceits, dishonesties, deceptions within myself which was bad to go into it now will take me probably about an hour, two, three shit maybe ten, maybe twenty four, a day let's speak a day, maybe even longer a year it was excessive, it was massive, it was vast and I realized now what was pretty awesome for me is that I know whenever something aggravates me whenever I resist something whenever something angers me whenever something irritates me, that very thing that is causing me to react is what exists within me someway or another and within it I will be able to detect it self-correct me and move on and not accept and allow myself to exist in a slumber of suppressed anger anger at myself actually for accepting and allowing such lies, dishonesties, deceits to exist within me and I was really angry angry at myself because you always know your allowing this shit inside you - you know and that's what angers the living shit out you because you are not doing anything about it so when I get angry I know uh oh you've got shit inside you are not sorting out and you are accepting and allowing it to exist within you so you've got some pointers which is great assisted me much in my process alright thank you very much

Video Details

Duration: 8 minutes and 57 seconds
Country: South Africa
Language: English
Producer: Desteni Production
Views: 94
Posted by: desteniteam1 on Jun 8, 2010

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