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Bible Contradictions

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OK. Welcome back. Both of our contestants ... a red hot goal tonight as we test their knowledge of the infallible, inerrant, and non-contradictory Word of God. And a couple of quality contestants we have tonight: Craig and Ken. Craig in the lead so far, but let's see what happens in this next round. I'll be asking a question and giving you both a chance to respond to see if you come up with the same answer. Ready, Ken? >>You bet. >>And Craig? >>Let's go. OK, so, we turn to the Yahweh's anger for question 1. For 10 points: How long does Yahweh's anger last? Yes, Ken. >>Forever. >>OK, it's a forever from Ken. Craig, what do you think? >>I'm gonna go with 'Not forever'. Well, you're both correct. 10 points each. Yahweh's anger lasts both forever and not forever (Micah7:18,Jer17:4). Well done. Next question: Does Yahweh tempt people? Yes, Craig. >>No, he would never do that. Ok. Ken, do you agree with Craig? >>Well, Yahweh tempted Abraham. So, it's definitely something that he does. Well, Ken's right about that, so 10 points for you and 10 points for you also, Craig, because: "God can not be tempted with evil nor tempted he any man." (James1:13) Question 3: Can salvation be attained by works? Yes, Craig. >>No. "A man is not justified by the works of the law but by the faith of Jesus Christ." (Gal2:16) Ok, and Ken? >>Well, I'm afraid Craig's correct and I'm gonna have to differ with him on this one, and instead of going with what Jesus said, namely," if you want to enter life, keep the commandments."(Matt19:17,Luke10:26-8) >>Yes, but "a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law." (Rom3:28) >>You see then "that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone." (James 2:24) Both correct, once again. Somehow. Whatever. And now for our final question for this round: What are the consequences of seeing Yahweh's face? Yes, Ken. >> Death. >>Mmm. Ken says death. Do you agree, Craig? >>I'm saying the preservation of life. (Gen32:30) >>But, "There shall no man see me and live." (Ex33:20) And that's correct. >>Well, hang on. Jacob saw God's face to face, and Abraham, and so did Moses (Gen32:30,Gen12:7,Ex33:11). >>"But no man has seen God at any time" (John 1:18) >>Except the 70 elders of Israel (Ex24.9:11) And all the others too. And of course none of them did because "no men had seen nor can see God." (1Tim6:16) Ten points for everyone there. Including me I think, on that one. Ok. On to the next round of questions. And it's our first speed round for the evening. No need to buzz in. Just call your answer as soon as I finish asking each question. 30 seconds on the clock. Your time stars now. Does Yahweh delight in bird offerings? >>No>>Yes >>Correct (Jer7:22,Ex:20:24) Is God the author of evil? >>No>>Yes >>Correct (Is45:7, 1John4:8) According to Genesis, were humans creating before the animals? >>No>>Yes >>Correct (Gen2:18-9,Gen1:25-7) On the road to Damascus did Paul's traveling companion hear the voice that spoke to Paul? >>No>>Yes >>Correct (Acts22:9,Acts9:7) Will the Earth last forever? >>No>>Yes >>Correct (Peter3:10,Ecc1:4) Is Jesus the only man to have descended into heaven. >>No>>Yes >>Correct (2Kings2:11,John3:13) In the old testament law were children to be punished for the sins of their fathers? >>No>>Yes >>Correct (Deut24:16,Deut5:9) OK. That's the end of our first speed round. Ken, you look a bit exhausted after that. >>Oh, no, no, no. Just like our heavenly father I never tire and I never rest (Is40:28). Oh, in that case would you like to rest a minute? >>OK, sure. Just like our heavenly father, that's what I always do when I get tired (Is1:14,Is43:24). OK, then, let's take a short break and will be back right after this message from our sponsors. And the writings do not contradict each other. No, there are no contradictions. All of these authors over such a long period of time ... No, there's no contradiction here. They merely supplement each other. ... are all saying the same thing. Ha. Ha. So, fancy that ! And now, on to the next round, which is all about numbers. Not the old testament book. No, no. We're going to test you on the understanding on the actual numerical values of the integers in the Bible. First you buzz in and here's Q1: How many valiant man drew the sword for Israel as counted by Joab? Ken? >>800.000? >>Correct. And 1.1 million would've also been correct there (2Sam24:9,1Chron21:5). Q2: How many horsemen did David take with him when.. Ken? >>700? >>700 is correct. And so is 7000. Either way. (2Sam8:4,1Chron18:4) Q 3: How much did David pay for the threshingfloor? Yes, Craig >>I think, 500 shekels of gold? >>No, sorry, Craig. It was 600 shekels (1Chron21:25) Ken, what would you've said? >>Mmm. I was leaning toward just 50 shekels, but that.. >>Well, you would've been correct (2Sam24:24) It was 50 shekels and 600 shekels. Now Q8: The chief of King David's captains killed 800 men in one encounter. This figure 800 is also equal to how many? Ken? (2Sam23:8) 700? Ooh, sorry, Ken. Another correct answer is 300. You'll be kicking yourself for a week, won't you? >> I knew it. OK, next question: When is a thief two thieves? Yes, Craig. >> Well, there were two thieves crucified with Jesus. >>Yes, you're on the right track. >>Now did they both revile Jesus or only one of them? Well, both are correct, depending which gospel you're reading. Ha. It's just like how many blind men Jesus healed near Jericho(Luke23:39- 42,Mark15:32) It was two and it was one(Matt27:44). So, let's move on to one of the final Q this round. It's multiple choice, so listen carefully. Think of a single historical event that featured two men standing, that were acctually two men sitting, which was in fact one man sitting, and in actual fact it was one angel descending from heaven and causing an earthquake (Matt28:2,Mark16:5,Luke24:4,John20:12) Was this non-contradictory singular event witnessed by a)one woman b)two women c)three women or d)an unknown number of women numbering at least five. Ken? >> All of the above? (John20:1,Matt28:1,Mark16:1,Luke24:10) >>Correct. Ha, ha. Congratulations, Ken. An excellent answer given that all the historically accurate accounts of the day of Jesus' resurection agree with each perfectly and would certainly stand up in court as being reliable testimony. It's time for our second speed round now. Looking to see who'll be going home and who'll be advancing. Good luck to both of you. In this round we're going to name a crime and you need to be the first to buzz in with the punishment as originally demanded by the law of God, merciful and gracious, long suffering and abundant in goodness and truth (Ex34:6) Ready, players. 60 seconds on the clock this time. Hands on buzzers. What was Yahweh originally designated punishment for fortune telling. Ken? >>Death. >>Correct (Lev20:27) Hitting a parent? Ken? >>Death. >>Correct (Ex21:15) Cursing a parent? Craig? >>Death. >>Correct. Not listening to a priest? Ken? >>Death. >>Correct. (Deut 17:12) Following another religion? Craig? >>Death. >> Yes. (Ex22:20) Adultery? Craig? >>Death. >>Correct (Lev20:10) Not seeking the Lord God of Israel? Ken? >>Death. >>Correct (2Chron15:12-13) Fornication? Ken? >> Prison? >> No, sorry, the correct answer is death. Professing falsely? Craig? >> Death >> Correct (Lev21:9) Bonus points if you can tell us who has to kill the false prophet. >>His or her parents? (Zech13:3) >>Very good. Homosexuality. Craig? >>Death. >>Yes. (Lev20:13) Blasphemy? Ken? >>Death >>Correct (Lev24:10-16) Working on the Sabbath? Craig? >>Death. >>Correct. (Ex31:12-15) Having a few people in your town worshiping another God? Craig? >>Death. >>More information? >>Death for the entire town? >>A little more.. >>And the livestock? And put the entire town to the torture so that the town is ruined forever? >> Correct. (Deut13:13-16) And just in time too. Very nearly running out of time there. Both of our contestants showing an admirable familiarity with scripture so far tonight. OK. Making a final check about scores here now. OK. But, look, rather than trust logic or the immoral practice of basing decision solely upon verifiable evidence I'm just going to pray for a minute and ask the Lord who our winner is tonight. Yes. Look. I'm getting a strong inner conviction and taking it on faith that Ken is our winner which means we'll say goodbye to Craig here. >>Any thoughts in that decision, Craig? >>Ah, look, it's an excellent choice, Bill. I've always trusted faith over objective reasoning because without faith logic is just a fallible human construct or something. Yes, but you don't leave empty-handed. What earthly treasures have we got stored up for out runner-up, Frank? Well, for out runner-up today, it's a huge house upon the rock. >> Oh, no, I'm rich. Woe unto me! Boo-hoo! (Luke6:24) >>Hey. Common. Riches are a blessing (Psalm112:1-3) >>Either way, Craig. You be sure to sell that new possession of yours and give to the poor (Luke18:22,12:33,14:33) Or, perhaps, you could take the example of the early Christian Church, who got together as a community, sold what they owned (Acts2:44-5,Acts4:34-7) and shared their possessions among themselves communally. How do you feel about Communism now, teabaggers? (Laughter) Yes, Craig? >>It's an immoral atheist plot invented by Barrack Obama and Joseph Stalin to take over our country? Correct. Ha. Ha. Time for a quick break and we'll be right back with Ken in our solo challenge round. There's another supposed contradiction ... supposed contradiction in the Bible... supposed contradiction. This is one of alleged contradictions. Not a contradiction at all. The harmony among the gospels... So called factual discrepancy ... No contradiction ... supposed contradictions in the Bible ... ... lends historical credibility to the accounts. Now, solo challenge round: There're 8 questions and you have to get them all correct. Here we go. Q1: Did the temple curtain rip before or after Jesus died? >> Yes >> Correct (Mark15:37-8,Luke23:45-6,Matt27:50-51) Who put the gorgeous purple robe on Jesus? Herod's soldiers or Pilate's soldiers? >>Yes, they did >> Correct (Luke23:11,Matt27:27-8,John19:1-2) Did Jesus curse the fig before or after driving the merchants from the temple? >> Hmm, before or after? >> Correct. Either one will do. So, good answer there (Matt21:12,17-19, Mark11:12-17) Should homosexuals be killed or exiled? >> Definitely >>Correct (1Kings15:11-12,Lev20:13) Given that Cyrenius became the governor of Syria nine years after king Herod's death was Jesus born during the reign of Herod or during the governorship of Cyrenius? >> Mmm, both? >> Miraculously, yes. (Luke2:1,Matt2:1, Wikipedia) You're doing very well. When the women arrived to Jesus' tomb, was the tomb open or closed? >> Yes, it was. >>Correct (Matt28:2,Luke24:2) Did Judas die by hanging himself or by falling over in a field and having his midsection burst open spilling his guts everywhere? >>Yes, that's right. >>Correct. (Acts1:18,Matt27:5) And our final question ... Is God the author of confusion? >>NO >>Correct (1Cor14:33) The authors of confusion are the people who misrepresent the Bible that try to make it appear as there're parts that contradict each other. I know. All right. Don't these people have anything better to do? Ha. They must hate God so much. Ah, congratulations, Ken. Well done. Excellent achievement. And now, your prize. You're ready? You've won a lifetime of believing a promise of something for which there's no evidence and that you won't actually get until after you're dead. Ha. In fact there's pretty much no good reason at all to expect that it's even remotely real. (Applause) But, please, just take our word for it and live your life imagining it and feeling happy. And by the way, you don't actually deserve it anyway, so make sure you feel a bit unworthy too. How about that. Isn't it the sort of thing we all want? (Applause) So, congratulations once again, Ken. Thanks for watching everybody and we'll see you again next time. Bye-bye. (Applause)

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Duration: 9 minutes and 53 seconds
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Posted by: rianaa on Apr 5, 2011

H i l a r i o u s !!!

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