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Basics of Non-Violent Communication Workshop - DVD1 Part2

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Part 2: Expressing Needs and Requests Ok, the next step then. We do not attribute responsibility for our feelings to the other person. We never say that "you make me feel" or "I feel because you..." Instead we are conscious that the root of feelings are needs. Behind every feeling there is a need. Now certain feelings tell us that there is an obstruction in our thinking. That instead of our being directly connected to our needs we have chosen to go off to jackal land. So what are these feelings that tell us that we are not directly connected to our needs? Anger, depression, guilt and shame. Those feelings are very valuable. They tell us that at this moment I'm not directly connected to my needs. Instead we are up in our head telling ourselves moralistic judgments about somebody. Anger, we're making moralistic judgments about somebody else. Depression, guilt and shame, we're playing that game on ourselves. But we are not alive as I would define being alive which is connected to our needs. Do you make a distinction between needs and preferences? - Yes we make a big difference as you'll see when we get to the next step now. Because needs contain no reference to specific ways of getting the needs met. Those are preferences or strategies or requests. So we make a big difference between needs and between preferences, requests, strategies. So let's get into that, let's right now connect our feelings with a need. Let's not go up to our head and think about the other person, let's go into our heart and connect our feeling with our need because needs give us the most power with people. See, giraffe is based on a power model, power with people. It increases our power with them in the sense that increases people's willing giving to us. To enjoy giving to us. That's power with people. We have been trained in a "power over" model. The use of punishment and reward, that's power over people. To get them to do things not because it's coming from their heart and they want to contribute to our well-being or to life. No. They want to avoid punishment or get a reward. So we want to increase power with people. And the most powerful form of communication to do that is to bring people's attention to our needs that are not getting met. When people's full attention is on our needs they hear no criticisms, no demands. It is natural to enjoy giving. But if we hear any criticism or demand we lose connection with that natural desire to give and now we want to defend and attack. So let's learn a language of needs. Under c) it says "Imagine again that you're talking to the person and express your reasons for feeling as you do this way: 'When you do what I described, I feel as I expressed because I am needing or because I need" So now see if you can identify what need of yours is not getting met. Leave the word 'you' out of here because that'll mix up need and preference. Leave the other person out of here, just express the need without reference to the other person. All needs are universal. Every human being in the world has the same needs so you can look at what you said and see whether this applies. If what you wrote down is a true need, every other human being in the world has that need. We're all created out of the same energy. So we really see this at the level of needs. All human beings have the same needs. What differs immensely is the strategies that we have been educated in for meeting the needs. Different cultures educate people to meet the needs in a different way but the needs are the same. Who wants to check theirs out? Ok... - " know that you are responsible and honest." Notice you brought the other person in there. "I have a need to know that you are responsible and honest." How do we express the need without bringing the other person in there? No, we can bring it in one way, "I have a need for your happiness" or "...your protection", we can say that. You see? But not the way you're saying it. Yes... - "I need to be seen and heard as who I truly am." - "I have a need to be seen and heard as who I truly am." Ok. - Now I have an impulse to qualify that and say "free". - To be? - Free. - "I have a need to be..."? - The last word in that sentence is "who I truly am - free." - I have a need [to be] who I truly am to be free. Yes, that's a need we all have. The important thing will come out when we get to a request because that's a request that only you can meet. Other people can't do that. They can't meet that need. So if you don't know how to meet that for yourself, for freedom you won't have that need met. - I'm feeling a little frustrated because I'm noticing that everything is a strategy, in other words, mine is a need for an esthetic environment, but underneath that there is a need for serenity and my serenity doesn't come from the environment, so this entire request starting at a) is a strategy to get something called serenity. - Ok, that's a need. Then I have a need for certain peace but isn't there a need for certain esthetics that will... - Right, but it crumbles the house of cards for me of wanting the sink not filled with dirty dishes. - Help me understand that. If you have a need for serenity - but that serenity doesn't come from a clean sink - Ok, then we haven't got the right need then. Or it's not that you want the sink cleaned out - But I'm projecting that need on to the sink thus on to a behavior of someone else. - Well, if the other person's behavior can be getting in the way of our need getting met If the dishes aren't done, it could be that some needs of yours are not being met by that. Then you have to identify what the needs are that are not getting met. - I'm not sure that I'm not basing my... in an assumption that by having that sink clean then I'm going to have serenity and I think it's a false distinction. - Well, the nice thing about being clear about our requests is we can test it out. If I say for my need for serenity, I'd really be grateful if you would clean up the sink, the person does it and I'm still not serene, Ok, that helps; I know that doesn't work. See, we never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get it, it makes life more miserable, then we know that isn't what we want. If it makes life more wonderful, then we know that is what... a strategy that will meet our need. That's what makes life fun; we never know what we want until after we get it. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian, says that Christianity requires the willingness to sin courageously. [Laughter] You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs you get it, it makes life worse... ok, now I've learned it isn't what I want Wouldn't it be boring to know what is right? Yes? - "When ..." OK "When you do what I described, I feel as I expressed because I need respect and acknowledgment and I need to be able to feel safe in my job environment." - I hear needs in there, yes. - "When you do what I described, I feel as I express because I need to express my desire and need without it hurting you." - No, no, no, now we got bunch of stuff in there. If you want to avoid hurting other people, the only way I can offer you to do that is to become nice dead person. Because if other people have jackal ears, they can get hurt, if you have heartburn. - So what if I just cut off that second half? Just "I need to express my desire and needs" - Yes, and then what you want to say to yourself "and I want to learn to enjoy your pain." - Ooo! [Laughter] We're going to show you after lunch how to enjoy the other persons' pain. - Ooo! That sounds... - It's one of the most loving things you can do you see... As I will define it obviously, I don't mean it in sadistic way, I... Yes? - So I have a couple I'm working on... One of them is: "Because I have a need for predictability." - "...I have a need for predictability." Ok. - And the other one: "Because I have a need for privacy." - Yes - My need is for comradeship and acknowledgment of my comradeship. - Yes - "I have a need to memorialize the life of your father and in doing so honor the life of your entire family." - You have a need to nonor is life... Yes. - "I have a need to have communication with other people that is open and supportive of life." - Need for... supporting of life, openness... ok. - "When you do this I feel hurt because I have a need to be heard and understood." - Very important need, that need for understanding, to be heard, to be listened to; empathy, there's different ways of expressing it but it's a critical need one that we have daily. - "Bottom line: I have a need to love you and to let you love me." - I have a need to love, but don't bring the other person in there "I have a need to love..." - "...and to let love in" - Yes. See, our needs don't... When we believe that our needs involve another person doing something we take a very abundant world and make it scarce very quickly. So we don't want to mix up our need into a request. You may have a request, a strong request to a particular person to meet our need for love. That's a strategy, we may want this particular person, but we don't have a need for that person to love us. That's mixing up the need and the request. We have a need for love, we have a strong preference that this person take the actions to meet that need but we don't want to mix up the need and the strategy. Ok, let's take one more and then we gotta move on. - I'm confused if this is a need or strategy... - Ok... - "I need to feel loved." - Love is a very important word. "I need love." Yes. But now that word love is so important that we got to get really clear what we mean about it, when we use it as a giraffe, you see? Watch what happens when a giraffe and a jackal get together on this love scene, this is it... Watch this jackal ask a very dangerous question. But notice that the giraffe is too smart ever to answer this question, watch! "Do you love me? - Jackal, before I can answer your question honestly I need to get some important things clear. Are you using the word love as a feeling? - Well, of course! - Ok, well I need to get that clear, so you mean am I feeling certain warmth, cuddly, tender feelings towards you then? - Yes - Ok, I needed to get this clear because you see we giraffes do not use the word love as a feeling. It's much too important to us to get it confused with a feeling. It's a need for us but since you use it as a feeling, Ok, I'm glad to know that. So would please, now that I know that, ask the question again? - Do you love me!? - When? [laughing] - When!?? [Laughter] - Well, I want to be honest, I can see how important this is to you but how can I be honest with you about what I feel towards you, without reference to a specific moment? Feelings change every few seconds. Life is changing, feelings are part of life. So I'd have to know a specific time and place to ever answer your question of how I feel. - What about right now? - No. [Laughing] But try me again in a few moments." [Laughing] So you see, to a giraffe love is a need, and it's a need for which we must be very clear, about what request do we have of other people to meet that need. Now, watch again what happens with reference to that if we are in a love relationship with a jackal. "I want to you love me. - So you have a need for love, jackal and you're giving me the honor of wanting to meet that need. - Yes. - I really see how important that need of love is so I want to be clear what you would like from me, to meet your need. Could you tell me what you're requesting of me to meet your need?" Now, poor jackals, they don't live in the moment, you see? And to make a clear request, you have to live now, you have to be clear what you want. So watch how the jackal handles this. "So could you tell me what you want me to do to meet your need for love? - Oh, you know... - Well, I'm not sure I do. I really see how important this need is for you, so can you tell me specifically what you would like me to do to meet your need for love? - It's hard to say in so many words. - If it's hard for you to say, jackal, can you see how hard will it be for me to do? - I never thought of that. - So what would you like me to do to meet your need for love? [Laughter] - It's embarrassing to get clear. - Yes, it is." Because much of our oppression in close relationships comes from saying to people: I want you to respect me, I want you to love me, I want you to understand me without we being real clear what we want when we say that. "So what are you wanting, jackal, when you say you want me to love you? - I want you to guess what I want before I even know what it is and I want you always to be willing to do it. - Thank you for defining it that way, jackal, would you please find someone else to meet your need for love?" [laughing] Most jackals that carry that definition of love around with them find out how impossible it is to meet on about their 5th divorce. See, they keep thinking they're going to find a right person to love them, not realizing that the problem is how they are defining love and what they want from other people to meet the need for love, to see that it's impossible to meet that need, which brings us to the next step in the process. How to make clear requests after we have expressed our unmet need? And a clear request defined in giraffe is: first, it's a positive action. We say what we do want, not what we don't want. So a woman gave me a very good example of what happens when you say what you don't want. In a workshop she said: "You really helped me to understand what happened recently, Marshall, I said to my husband: 'I don't want you spending so much time at work' and then I got furious with him when he signed up for a golf tournament. [Laughter] A teacher gave me a similar example, she said: "Just yesterday, Marshall, I said to this young boy: 'Please, I don't want you tapping on your book while I'm talking.' So he started tapping on his desk." Saying what we don't want doesn't make clear what we do want. But worse than that, if we frame our objectives in getting rid of something it leads to violence very often. It makes violence seem attractive when we try to get rid of something. For example, I was working with some teachers in a school in Rockville, Illinois. The observable behavior they wanted to work on, is on the average every three month 38 broken windows in the school. So we got down to the request. I said "What do you want different from the students? - It's obvious, we don't want them breaking windows. - So you're saying you don't want the children breaking windows? - Yes, what should we do? - Kill them. [Laughter] Research has demonstrated: dead children break no windows. [Laughter] Almost any time we think of what we want to get rid of, it makes violence look attractive and as stupid as that example was I just gave you, look at the newspaper in any given day and see how many world leaders are saying "We're going to teach them not to..." "We're going to get them to stop.." And they think violence is going to... see? It always makes violence seem attractive. It's only, as I said earlier, when we get two questions clear: "What do we want people to do?" and "What do we want their reasons to be for doing it?" Then I think we'll see violence never works. Ok, so we want to say what we want to say in the positive. What do we want other person to do, what do we want them to start doing differently? And second, It needs to be clear action language. You can't do what this one wife did with her husband who came to a workshop with her, she said: "I want you to listen to me when I talk." He said "I do listen. - No, you don't. - Yes, I do. - No, you don't. They told me they had this same conversation for 11 years. The problem is with the word 'listen'. What's that? We can use the word 'listen' as a need. I have a need to be listened to. But when we move to request, we need to speak action language. What specific action do we want this person to take? We can't use the verb 'to be'. I want you TO BE more friendly, not doable. We can't use feeling language. "I want you to feel confidence in yourself." that's not doable. So we need to be able to make very concrete requests. Try it out with what is under D) there. "In relation to what the other person did and your feelings and needs in relation to the action imagine you're talking directly to the person and express a request using this form: 'I would like you to...' What do you want the person to do to meet your needs?" - "I want you to obey my instructions." [Laughter] - Lets use the word "I want you to do what I told you to do." "I want you to do what I told you to do." And if you were a giraffe, you would give that to the person, with a little card that said "But please do as I requested only if you can do so with a joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please, do not do as I request, if there is any fear of punishment motivating you. Please, do not do as I request, out of hope for reward that I will like you if you do. Please do not do as I request out of guilt, shame, duty, obligation. Life is too short to do anything for anybody out of that." So what I'm getting at is when we do make a request we want to be sure that the person trusts that's a request, and not a demand. So we'll come back to that. Let's just work on the clarity of the request to begin with. Yes. So, what is your request? - "I would like you to do what was agreed upon." - Ok - "Give me the space to complete my thought." - [Owls] Too vague, "give me the space" - Let me....? - Let me is not doable. Let me show you what I mean. A woman said to her husband who came to a workshop: "I want you to give me the freedom to be myself." He says "I do. - No, you don't." I said "Hold it, hold it. Give me the freedom is not doable. - Let me..? - No, it's not doable. - Allow me...? - Not doable. What do you want from him when you say give you the freedom to be yourself.? - It's embarrassing. - Yes, it is. Say it! Say it out loud. What do you want when you say that? - I want him to smile and say it's ok no matter what I do. - Ok, now you're honest." So what do you want? - I want to express myself . - Yes, you can do that. Nobody can stop you from expressing yourself. - No, I'm getting interrupted - You want the other person to wait until your finished speaking? - Yes. - Before starting? - Yes. - Ok that's the doable action. So how do we know? You can only tell whether it's a request or a demand by how I treat you if you don't do it. That's what tells people whether we are making requests or demands: what is their memory of how we act when we don't get what we want? If people have in their memory any punishment on our part in the past, when they don't do what we want, any blame, it will now be hard for them to trust that we are making a request and not a demand, it will take the joy out of giving to us. So lets follow that example a little bit more for me to show you what I mean so I say to you, "I'm really lonely this evening and have the need for some company, would you be willing to spend the evening with me?" And you say "Marshal I'm really preoccupied with some things at work and I really need some space to myself this evening, could you find someone else to be with you this evening? And here is my reaction, [Laughter] [More laughter] Two days later. [Laughter] You "what's the matter? - Nothing!" You "Come on, what's the matter? - You knew how lonely I was... If you loved me..." Now, was that a request or a demand? - Demand. So we can't tell from how nicely it is asked, we need to see how the person treats us when we don't do what they want. That's when we trust that they make requests and not demands. So we are going to pay for every time in the past, when we used any coercive means to get what we wanted. Now at least we don't want to pay for that any more. We want to be sure that whenever we make a request it is a request that doesn't mean the other person will trust us, even if it is because, unfortunately, there's been so much coercion in our world that, even if we are making a sincere request, the other person might hear a demand. I was working in one school system, with a group of students that the school district labeled as "socially and emotionally maladjusted." Now from what you have learned today was that at jackal school system or a giraffe school system? Yes? - It sounds like in your example that the person was really disappointed or really let down. - Not let down, that's a diagnosis. - Ok. - They were really disappointed, really hurt. -Ok. So how could they have expressed that without being a demand but not suppressing the fact that they're really disappointed? - They could say "So you have a lot to do right now and it would really meet your need to be by yourself - Yeah. - And... the kind of mood I'm in right now I really trust that you would meet it better than anybody else I know, is there some way that we could find to get your work done and still meet my need for connection tonight?" That's what we call dogging for our needs. [Laughter] That shows respect for the other person's needs. I'm not trying to use any guilt or manipulation, right? I'm just trying now to find a way to get everybody's needs met Ok? - So, then, what if the person can't find replacement? - If the person can not think of somebody to replace them it will not be a problem, it will only be a problem if I put on these ears and receive in what they said a rejection. If I hear a rejection, that's the problem. - [Inaudible] You can say "I'm disappointed", as long as you don't say "you disappoint me" and as long as you don't stop after saying "I'm disappointed." "I'm disappointed." that's just another way of saying "You disappointed me"; we always have to end the feeling... at the very end of it there is going to be a request. We don't just say "I'm disappointed". We have to say, we have to take responsibility, for asking for what we want. Giving the other person has this other need, what do you want then from them? Well the jackal doesn't like that game. They don't like to have to be responsible for what they want. They'd rather say "Well if they'd loved me..." "If they were any kind of friend..." "I think it's only fair that they..." They want to control by guilt, shame... So, the school district asked me to work with these students that were labeled "socially and emotionally maladjusted." Poor school system doesn't realize that labels lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. When you label people that way they're going to behave that way. Come on, be honest, if you were labeled socially and emotionally maladjusted and you were one of those students, doesn't that give you permission to have fun in school? [Laughter] Labels leads to self-fulfilling prophecies. So I knew it was going to be a rough day just by that label, so when I walk into the classroom it already starts. Half of the students are hanging out the window screaming obscenities at their friends on the courtyard down below, so I made a request "Excuse me, I would like you all to come on over and sit down please. I'd like to tell you who I am and what I liked to do today." Half the students come over. I wasn't sure the other half had even heard me so I repeated it, "Would you all please come over?" Now everybody comes over with the exception of two young men. Just my luck the two that didn't come over were the biggest ones in the classroom and again I wasn't too sure they'd heard me and was praying it might just be a problem with acoustics, so I said: "Would one of you two gentleman tell me please what you heard me say?" - Yeah, you said that we had to come over and sit down." See the problem? I make a request, he hears a demand. So I said "Sir," (I have learned always use 'Sir' with people that have biceps like he did especially with a tattoo on top of the bicep) I said "Sir, could you tell me how I could have let you know what I was requesting, so it wouldn't sound like I was telling you what you have to do?" He said "huh?" [Laughter] See, that's a radical paradigm shift for somebody who's been educated under domination conditions. Domination structures, where authorities claim to know what's right you have to do it, or else... See? So that's a radical paradigm shift. In giraffe schools people don't make demands, they just make requests and I realize that it's not going to be easy with this gentleman. He's probably carrying with him lot of traces of being punished when he doesn't do what other people want, or blame and I'm not expecting him to give it up like that. So I said "Sir, how can I let you know that I was requesting something of you without it sounding like I was bossing you around? - I don't know." I said "Just what's happening between you and me right now is much that I wanted to talk about today." I was wanting to look at a way that we could interact where nobody bosses others around. And I didn't expect life to be so easy and it was all he needed, he trusted at that point that I wasn't trying to tell him what to do and he came over and we had a very cooperative day. But as long as people hear our requests as demands they have only two choices: submission or rebellion. And neither of those will connect us with people in a way that's good for anybody. So the main thing that's the difference is not how nicely we say it but how we treat people when they don't do what we want. Now, let's hear a few of these, so we can see what kind of reactions you might get back if you openly express your heart, you try your best not to criticize not to demand, what do you get back? - "She gets excited and defends herself." - I need to hear a specific statement, because I don't know what you mean by "defends herself." What does she say? You got to be specific. For the next exercise we need to know specifically what the person says or does. See, that's your diagnosis that she's defensive. What does she say? - "Sometimes things happen and I'm not ready to leave when we agreed." - "Well sometimes things happen and I'm not ready to leave when we agreed." Ok, that's what the person says. - "I can't do that because I have a hard time connecting with people as partners." - "I can't do that because I have a hard time connecting with people as partners." - This is their response back... - Yes, what would the person respond back? - He says "Nothing I do is ever good enough." - "Nothing I do is ever good enough." -OK. Here... I guess I should go through the whole thing. She says that she "doesn't like the way I wash dishes or make the bed." - Yes. - "I feel angry and resentful." - Yes. - "I feel as I expressed because I need to be accepted for my willingness and ability to do a job the way I do it." - Yes - "I would like you to acknowledge my work positively. - "Even if I don't feel like it?" How would you like me to respond positively when an idiot could do a better job making a bed than you do?" - Ok, that's the last thing. She would say that she can't because I never do it the way it should be done. - So the problem there is with a present request. What do you want from this person? I think what you want is this: "I'd like at least some gratitude expressed for my willingness to do what I did, and if I can get at least the gratitude for that first I could better hear how would you like me to do it differently." Would that be closer? - It would be closer, but I'd still like her to accept the way that I do it. - There's "accept me", now we got to translate "accept" into a doable request. What if this person has a sense of aesthetics? You see, I can already tell what the problem is in your relationship. I already made a diagnosis, want to hear my diagnosis? - Ok. You are a slob and she's a neat. There's these two kinds of people in the world: slobs and neats. And for some reason or other they always live together. [Strong laughter] It doesn't make sense to me, you see? There is so much of this that goes on everyday about not washing the dishes, how to make a bed. I'll give away which one I am. I once cleaned the house immaculately and my partner came home and said "I thought you were going to clean." True story, so you know what I am, right? [Laughter] I wrote her a song that night that goes: "If you wonder about the cause of my domestic distress, it's that my partner is an antiseptic and I'm total mess." [Laughter] "Last night at 2am I had to go to the head [restroom] and in the time it took me, she made the bed." [Laughter] [More Laughter] There are these slobs and neats and they always get together. I have a plan for world peace: put the slobs in one hemisphere and the neats in another. - So how does that get back to needs and...? [Strong laughter] Now that you diagnosed her, how would you handle it? - It has to do probably with this. You have to say to the neat: "I'd like you to agree that there can be different ways of doing things." Is that what you want? - My solution was that I just don't do it anymore. [Strong laughter] - A typical slob solution, yes. I could have guessed that. - It worked. [Laughter] - "I would really like some acknowledgement. First I'd like some expression of gratitude for what I did. I'm not saying you have to like it, but I'd like to hear some gratitude, if it's sincere, that at least that I was trying. Second, I'd like you to agree that there can be different ways of defining what's an adequate way to make a bed. Then if after you agree to that, if you could say what your preference would be without using words that imply that it's right your way. That would be a lot easier on me." Something like that. - "You sound like you're doing something out of a book." - "You sound like you're doing something out of a book. Talk like a real person. Don't use any of this psychology crap on me." Something like that, yes, yes. Especially they're going to say that when you're a baby giraffe, because you're trying a new way, it's going to take a while, it's gonna go slowly. When I was first learning this, I was having a conflict with my oldest son and I was sounding like it was coming out of a book. I was having to stop and think everything I said and the poor guy he had his friends waiting for him and he said: "Daddy, it's taking you so long to talk." I said: "Let me tell you what I can say quickly. Do it my way or I'll kick your ass!" [Laughter] [More Laughter] He said "Take your time, dad." [Laughter] Those who knew me in my old jackal days are very patient with my sounding like I'm coming out of a book. Yes? - There's no value in changing who I am. I'm satisfied the way it is." - Yes, "There's no value in changing who I am. I'm satisfied the way I am." We can already tell that this person has heard a demand, you see? They're hearing a demand as thou you're saying you're not ok the way they are and that would be how, I bet, a person would respond if they hear demand. Different ways that people respond when they hear a demand. My preference is... for how my youngest son once responded when he heard a demand. I said "Would you please hang up your coat?" He said "Who was your slave before I was born?" [Laughter] [More Laughter] I like that way because I know he hears a demand, right? It's pretty clear. Then there's other people who it's harder to guess if they're hearing it as a demand. For example, you say to him: "Would you please come over and just sit on the couch with me and talk with me?" The person goes like this... "Ok." Now if you are smart, you'll say: "Oh no, stay away." They are hearing a demand, you see? But they are giving in. But the worst case scenario, this is the dangerous one, you see is if the person hears your request as a demand and then respond this way: "Oh sure, I'll do it." And they do it. But they did it to buy your love. They did it because they were afraid that if they didn't you wouldn't like them. Now, how will you find out? You'll find out eventually. You might find out like this one woman did, who showed up at my door... 2 in the morning. Two in the morning my door bell rings, it's pouring rain outside and this woman, not 8 months pregnant, crying. I said "Come in, come in!" I sat her down on a chair. "What's going on?" I didn't know how she got there but she told me that her mother had been in a workshop with me a month before and she had just called her mother up to tell her about what happened and the mother said "Oh, there's a man in your town that you might want to go and talk to." So that's how this woman shows up at my door at 2 in the morning. Now what was the problem? She said [sobbingly] "I just made a little request to my husband and he said 'get out!' We've been married 8 years, he's always been so loving, so kind, he's done everything I want and now he says 'get out'." Already I knew what the problem was. He was a 'yes-saying-jackal'. He hears somebody he loves wants something and he feels he has to do it to buy love, to prove that he's a loving person. And so how does she find this out? It took 8 years, but then she pays for it one night. And I know I was right. How do I know that I was right? I got him out of bed. [Laughter] Why should I be up at 2 in the morning talking to his wife, while he's sleeping? [Laughter] So I called him up and invite him over and sure enough you see, he was a 'yes-saying-jackal'. He just didn't know how to say no. So he had been giving in for all these years and finally this night he snapped. That's the way you'll find out. After 8 years she found out that he was hearing demands and lovingly giving in to them. You certainly don't want to ever receive those messages anyone that you just responded to. You never want to hear what other person thinks. Never hear what a jackal speaking person thinks. You'll live longer. So certainly after lunch we are going to say: "Do not hear what the person thought!" Whatever thoughts they expressed never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks especially what they think about you. So we'll show you other options than that. We'll show you how never to hear criticism. We'll show you all of that after lunch.

Video Details

Duration: 43 minutes and 24 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: CNVC
Director: CNVC
Views: 580
Posted by: ltiofficial on Jun 7, 2013

Part2 of 4 of a Workshop by Marshal Rosenberg in San Francisco.

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