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TU B’Av Seminar - English

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Chag Same'ach everybody! x2 So, we are really happy to answer some of your beautiful questions regarding relationships and love because tonight we know it's Tu Be'av - the 15th day of the month of Leo the month of Av which is the once a year biggest opportunity to reveal the lights of harmony because it's the full moon, with the full sun that controls the month of Leo and therefore we wanted to inject light of harmony specifically into love relationships so, we have really great questions and really not all the time to answer all of them and we want to thank you for sending them so, let's start so, the first question is to you and the question is: How can we keep, or find, the intimacy in this technology filled world when everything is telephones, texting and social media? Well, I think it's an excellent question because we tend to blame the technology maybe 200 years ago it was plowing the field so people didn't have intimacy and time together because men had to harvest, let's say, the wheat or whatever it was so to give explanations why we can't we always, I think, CAN the question is if we're really desiring and pushing to create time and actually to use the technology to get closer this is the question so, if it's making time and being together without phones and maybe, when we are distant to use the same phone, or Facetime to see and talk to each other and keep in touch. So I think it's all about our desire and priority what is our priority will eventually resolve this question. Thank you. Second question is for me: How do I get my husband or boyfriend, to dress better? Ok, that's really easy! You go shopping it's really easy but it really depends on the person, of course, and I have to say, when I read all the questions it's always, you know, out of our eyes asking about our partners things that really bother us, our way of looking at our partners and from that we always ask the question and I really want to say that for me any sort of relationship is really an art. And one of the basic things to constructively build and continue grow together because we know we all want to find our soulmates and we all want to find that person that we can say "this is IT" I would like to share my life with but as Karen Berg always says once we meet each other and we decided to start our journey together it's only the beginning so, one of the keys to success are really believing, really getting to know each other really be interested in my partner's character and interests. And out of that you can create the best way to communicate. So if you feel that your partner is dressing in an inappropriate way or you can really help them you should use your skills but try to make it creative whether it's going out together and really use a lot of compliments you don't want to hurt anyone so, some suggestions some way of showing your partner that it even helps you to feel more attracted to your partner if the change their style a little bit and of course depends who you're talking to be really gentle and try to deliver the messege and if they're really not into it just really be creative and go out there, and shop and try you know...but just don't make them feel like it's up to that pants or shirt or the color of what they wear it's just an additional and it should be fun. It shouldn't be too critical I hope I answered the question So, next question: How can I stop my wife from treating me like a child all the time? I think a lot of men feel this way I heard this kind of remarks and questions and first of all "why I feel like a child?" or "why I was treated like a child?" so instead of saying why she's doing it the basic question should be why it's bothering me what is the actually the reaction, or something inside of me that provokes this kind of input towards me because we know that everything that is happening around us it's our mirror so when the closest person to me my husband, my girlfriend this woman in my life is actually treating me and I feel this way maybe I have to ask a question where I have to grow up where, instead of blaming her, and saying 'listen, you're not right' and we always try to justify and we're trying to explain and we feel, and this is typical for men, they're feeling "I did so much for you and still you're treating me this way!" but we have to remember something very important because something so special about women that they are very sensitive and they feel the potential, that you actually can do much more and even though you're really considering yourself so full of yourself with everything you did believe me my friend, my friends, we can do so much more and simply instead of getting upset and insulted as my teacher, the Rav Berg, used to say: Listen, think about it and do something about it. Stop being a kid grow up to be a man. And it's connected to another question: How do I give constructive criticism without it coming across as judgmental? Did you ever feel I judged you when I criticise you? I don't remember actually That's a good husband, right there! You know, constructive criticism can only come out of an open heart and out of true love. If you have a little bit a really tiny feeling of getting reactive from what you're about to say it's better to shut up. It doesn't matter if it's the best idea ever and if you're absolutely right and if you consulted it with 10 other teachers and everybody have the same opinion really about to go out there and talk to your partner. Make sure, that for you - you couldn't care less, whether they change or not - has to be the same and out of that place that nothing really changes between you, it's not personal. That's the time to go and talk because it's the only time that you're going to actually make up a point truly for the person and not about you! "It's really disturbing me, you have to change it" that's nice, and could be true and we should be connected to our feelings and have an opinion, absolutely, but at the same time if you would like to allow the person in front of you to reach a certain new level of idea, consciousness, understanding make sure that you're saying it out of true love and what you really feel it doesn't really bothers you it's really really for the other person. And I'm sure that from saying anything out of the place it will cross throughout any boundaries, any klipot any walls and veils that the person has about it and it almost feels like they're walking blind and have no clue about it. Because really, in the end of the day that's the point of being together and if we cannot share opinions, and if we cannot help each other and shed light into different areas so we are able to grow what's the point just hanging out and have fun, that's nice but the ultimate spiritual connection is that you can truly listen even when it hurts. Even when you don't see it and you don't understand where it came from so this is for the listener. And for the one who actually wants to point out make sure that you're saying it in the right way if it's air, if it's fire signs, Aries, Sagittarius, Leo never say: "I think you should do and never come 'above them' it has to be together. If it's air signs it has to be creative if it's water signs it has to be "I feel..." then go ahead and say and if it's earth signs it has to be simply productive simple- and productive! You cannot 'dig' too much, you cannot give the speaches you cannot talk about your emotions, just be very productive, very practical. Get to the bottom line and they'll be right there you know, they'll really get it. So, again - as I said - it's an art. But again, it really starts from where you're coming from And the next one, how do we bridge the cultural differences between us? Traditions, customs, habits, families. Sometimes it's tough and sometimes is also a pretext, not to bridge, because bridging is a mutual process in which we can learn and understand something from each other. There's something that is different, but actually the difference creates the diversity, growth, and union. And by the way, the simple fact we got different sexes and that way there is a difference in the approaching behavior and seeing things in life. So definitely, different cultures and customs also add to this challenge, and the only thing that comes to mind that I saw in front of my eyes for many years, it's actually how the teachers of the Center - Rav and Karen Berg created this amazing fusion of, definitely, exactly this. People that are coming from so different worlds! Planets, maybe, from the same Brooklyn, in New York, but the Rav that came from an Orthodox a Jewish environment in Karen Berg, from the bikers and the totally secular family with totally different perceptions and traditions, and I think this enrichment, and this actually brought this growth and actually the Centre, the Kabbalah centre, is all about in which we, such a diverse multitude of people that appear and come to the Center would find this home and this mutual environment that we definitely start working on starting with our on family and relationship. It's when you live with that person. When you live with a person-- I think if we see, if we see in us what I can share, the good of what I have and I can share it, and giving the other person the space to share, it's positive, good things. There are also negative things, that's also there so.. So what? It's about, I think, loving it. And the more we love it, and let go of things... The light is also in the business, we shouldn't forget. Okay, next question How do I find or re-ignite passion in our relationship, after being together for so long? It's a very good question, to me. I think, human beings should be like wine you know-- As we get older and time passes, we should become better. we have more experience, we are more free, we know more... Yet we see pretty much the opposite, things wear out, it's almost like having an expiration date Passion in our relationships have to start with me. it can never be out of the relationship or because we're together or "I should feel romantic because I'm married to this person" or we live together and we share a family, it's never a rule, it's a decision, and sometimes it's a daily decision, that I choose this person I choose my partner everyday and out of that comes the excitement and comes the curiosity. What else I don't know about my partner, and how else can I make them happy, and what else can we do together, and to whatever degree that we can continue and evolve together it's where you would like to take it. and through that you find that passion. But it's really good for anything else, so if I'm not a typically passionate person about with whatever I'm bust with in my life during the day it will be very difficult to apply in relationships, yes? Just because I share a house or a family with someone, and I pretty much run like a very routine-life, where nothing major is happening in my life, I cannot expect to all of a sudden go to my relationship and creat passion! Passion starts everyday it's the way you wake up in the morning. it's the way you look at yourself in the mirror, it's the way you look at what you're doing during the day! It's how you drive, it's how you open your office, it's how you drink your coffee, it's who you're talking to during the day, it's how you answer your messages it's how you look at your life from where you're at right now It's how you enjoy nature, it's how you enjoy music. It's the things that worries you, the things you worry about the things you would like to achieve. There are all things that allow you to have that oxygen to create that passion. Because passion is already a result it's never the cause. Feeling passionate is a result for a huge desire. We're always passionate in the beginning because we have a desire to get it Passion may get lost because the desire goes down, not because we're not passionate. Passion is always the result. So anything we feel excited about we feel passionate about because, again, think about the seed. The seed is the desire. So maybe, you know, my problem-- I don't say "problem", but maybe what I really want to focus on is not just the passion, but how much do I really want to be with that person what kind of a desire I have to share anything with that person You know, so I want to I want to go deeper, in order for me to really create this passion. Passion is that flame, And again - it's a result it's always a result So... Next question. Ok, so... Any tips on what to do if I am much more spiritual than my partner what do we do when one wants to be observant and the other one wants nothing to do with it? It's similar to the cultural difference... And I also think it's somehow also connected, somehow connected to the question of being hungry. And desire. Because, what you were saying is so true, and while we were both talking about cultural differences or any type of differences if we don't have desire, and desire is, I'm repeating maybe the same thing, desire is the secret how, after 40 years, you have amazing examples in business It's easier actually. Taking Warren Buffet, or Carlos Slim, all those people, Bill gates. They're passionate tremendously about their projects, their businesses, their vision. Now, why we lose let's say, this same passion in a relationship? Because we don't see priority in it. For some reason, it's easier, let's say, with the money, or the work, or a career. But when it has to do with a person's life it's not a priority anymore Because I did so much, I provided to my family! What do you want from me? I work so hard, and many people say this, many men say this, that I work so hard to maintain my family I'm making them, basically giving them some sort of favor but desire, and this is what Rav Berg always used to say- we want it all. It's not enough the money, it's not enough the careers, it's not enough how much you have in the bank, or what kind of house or mansion you live in, if you don't have your spouse, and you're passionate about your spouse as if-- well, we're talking about a different kind of passion, but same idea. I'm passionate about this, this amazing opportunity, to change- to exchange and share this amazing person I have near me. And this, it's really as you were saying, that it's a daily decision. It's not going to happen all of a sudden. And how to create the balance when one wants more than the other? Well, I think that the example, not as I'm a teacher and I'm going to tell you now what to do but it's, I think, more my example and what I can actually do about myself because your negativity is addictive, when a person is negative, talking bad and you're listening to it G-d forbid, it's very easy to fall. Very easy! And in the same talking, positivity, excitement, passion, energy, certainty, also addictive. We can awaken it! Not when it's easy, when it's nice, but actually, and it's the paradox, how much, in the tough moments, we don't give up. This is actually, how much we will grow out of any type of challenges and situations. Ok, next one. How do I admit I am wrong When I know I am wrong but so stubbornly want to continue being right What did you do. You're a Leo What is it easy for you to admit Well actually with Leos it is kind of technique so you admit that you are right when you are wrong but say yes I'm wrong I did it wrong, but inside you know It's kind of a game Also especially with Kabbalah you are righteous and yes yes, I'm wrong, I'm wrong but inside what they want from me? How can I sell myself better Ok so what but you continue with your thing and think wow this guy is amazing a spiritual guru Such a great husband That is one technique It's a technique What the heck. So one battle is lost in the war I have to say I also had a hard time admitting at the beginning of our relationship I really had a hard time, because I'm a Libra and I took it personally and my moon is also in Aries so my pride didn't appreciate the criticism but after a lot of friction of who's right, and who's saying what and when it's time to let go and when it's time to continue push and stand out for yourself say what is on your mind ---- making sure the other person real hear you and you get upset why do I even have to explain again that whole cycle At the end of the day Something that really helped me practically is definitely a sense of humor I mean at one point you have to have a good laugh about yourself about the other person about the situation because really the bottom line nothing is the end of the world and everything is fixable at the end of the day we are only together because we truly want to be together and we love each other So there is no need to take things so serious It is one thing that truly really helped us to really go through the different challenges and struggles personaly We talk a lot about let go, let go, its nice until someone is getting to the core of your correction and it's pushing all the buttons and no matter how much you know the last thing you can do is really letting go on the contrary, pushing forwards much stronger because your buttons are being pushed Yet, I have to say the question is really how to admit you're wrong It is only when you understand that the person next to you wants the best for you and when you admit it doesn't make you zero it doesn't make you useless We are so afraid to admit because we think, "What does it mean about me" stop looking for titles stop looking for statuses One of the gifts of truly being together is trust if there's no trust than yes- everything the other person can tell me could feel like a knife in my back Where is it coming from? and then, for a week we can't relax, and we're sharing it with our best friends "you won't believe what he told me" How is it possible "He knows I'm not like that" How? What happened? Do you think he doesn't love me anymore? All those big statements Doesn't belong Just treat it at the moment we know that everything comes from the light of the creator Don't kill the pizza messenger They are not too careful at projecting or too sweet giving you a criticism or even pointing out a mistake you did At the end of the day just drop those wings you're trying to pretend you're growing on your back we are not supposed to be angelic or perfect or the best wife or husband or partner ever That is not the purpose So when we decide it is not about the perfection It's not about being less than perfect Now what does it mean about our relationship and myself Do I feel safe or not If by admitting I made a mistake I feel like my whole boat of my relationship is being rocked than something is wrong in how I see myself in the relationship It has nothing to do with the mistake I've done or to do with the criticism I receive or how my partner is handing me out information It is my decision to own it Take responsibility Listen to it with an open heart and open ears and truly focus on the message If I am interested in spiritual growth which I believe who ever is listening to this IS interested then I can learn from anybody I can learn from the homeless in the street from kids from looking at nature If I'm truly open most likely the people who live with us and see us most of the day Really know us the best So you might as well understand that as much as it hurts it's the best gift you can get because there's nobody else who truly knows you as that person Of course as we live together we tend to see I saw a really funny stand up comedy of this Italian Sebastian, so funny, sharing about the beginning of a relationship when he comes over, and you're all in love and everything is so charming so sexy and so beautiful she is cooking some dinner and he comes to her and very romantically "Hey baby, you have a piece of broccoli right here hanged on your hair" and she is like "Really" and it's all very sensual experience taking out that piece of broccoli from her hair and then just live with this person over a year just watching them in the morning brushing their teeth how does it look, like an animal in your own bathroom So funny We kind of develop instead of this trust and love and acceptance and unconditional love and the fun to grow something shrinks in the way we look at the partner, and the way we perceive information from them We are actually more careful more like a little cat "What do you want from me" "I do enough for you" When you start measuring and count - I gave him that, he's giving me that back What does it mean about our relationship When you start counting the romance is out it's just a business contract and yes, If it is a business contract then when they're telling you that something is wrong with you or you did something wrong, then yes- it's unacceptable You need to call out an office meeting To discuss it So take it all out, enjoy the relationship enjoy the trust There is a way of saying things absolutely This is something we should all improve but in the end of the day if you just take the message it's a gift use it, don't lose the opportunity. That's my thought I just read something. The Zohar, the holly Zohar, says something so beautiful about relationships The Zohar says it's like the moon and the sun The sun is giving to the moon is giving to the moon. For us it's a new moon, there's no moon. it will take 15 days until the moon will reach its peak of reflection of the light of the sun. And then when the sun goes to a full moon with all this light that is reflecting towards us that actually the moon is reflecting from what the moon is receiving And somehow it says that if a man is behaving towards his wife as the sun, he is giving and giving and giving. When it's dark completely, one day— well, in the moon cycle it's 15 days— sometimes in life it takes longer but eventually if we give and with certainty and love it will shine back and will amplify billions times more than whatever you gave so then I don't think it will be a question of being stubborn or not. I have to say he didn't talk like that 17 years ago when I knew this guy so I really admire your growth and this is something I have to say you grow up to understand it. It's like a consciousness that you choose to download, it doesn't come automatically just by understanding kabbalistic relationships So amazing work definitely. I can really—I'm a witness— - Work with my wife - I'm a witness - Without her - I won't be there. - He didn't talk like that 17 years ago - for sure - I guarantee you. so it's getting better. - Thank you. Okay, just last question. We have a couple more minutes, last question, I really like this question. Why is it so difficult for men and women to understand each other? Why are men always assholes? Sorry men but I'm just reading the question. So what do you think? Because we know that women come into this world as volunteers. They don't incarnate. Men have to fix that, to correct so for men it's more difficult to grow up, to take charge. also I knew some men that at the age of 65 they used to say, you know, "I'm still young" 'A couple more years I'm going to get—" I know actually a person that is still, that is 60-something is thinking about getting married one day and having kids. I mean, you're 65. What are you waiting for? "No, but I'm young" "I'm doing Yoga," stuff like this. So I think that this is the main idea that men must learn how to catch up after women. Where women automatically are men have to grow and women have to learn to have their value and dignity and power actually to empower men by giving them the chance to give, to be the cause, to be proactive, to earn, not to be anxious and behaving like a mother in the relationship. And I have to say, you know, why is it so difficult for men and women to understand each other? Because we're not meant to be the same bottom line. We are completely two different softwares with completely two different manuals. We're not the same. That's the beauty of it, it's beautiful. Let's celebrate the differences. At the same time you want to understand the other software. you would like to understand their way of thinking, their way of behaving, it's very different. You know, men we know it's Zeer Anpin it's the channel, the one that provides, it's a one task program. Women are Malchut, we are multitask. It's no coincidence we can bear a child and run a career and run the home and do a thousand things in the same time and be able to think about it. I mean, you know, there's this half joke that what's the first thought that a woman when she sees a man she really likes, the first thought is - "Wow, he has such great potential." And what's the first thought that a man has when he sees a woman that he truly likes? It's "Oh my god, she's perfect. I wish she would stay like that, just like that forever." It's just very different. You don't want to hook up with a person with his potential. You want to hook up with the person you get to know. And the same thing for men, you want to be able to use this capacity of the woman but at the same time the only reason for the difficulty is because we think different and we are programmed different and the beautiful thing is that we are meant to create that bridge. We are meant to make it happen in a way and this is not only good for a female body and a male body it's good for any relationship where there are the forms of masculine and feminine where one is giving, the other one is receiving but it's a circle. And we know that really the big secret is something that only the kabbalists truly educate and keep on repeating, which is the key word is RESTRICTION Remember that. It's the best example that the kabbalists is always referred to as the light bulb. We have plus and minus and it could be 1000 words or 20 words. It doesn't matter. If the filament is burning and there's no constant restriction that's being created and initiated from both sides, just a short circuit. It could be beautiful people, great talent, amazing desire to have a relationship but if in that specific connection there is no restitution happening to whatever degree. You know, for each one of us it's in different levels, different ways to restrict. But if you don't initiate it, of course it becomes difficult because of the short circuit and the short circuit and it hurts and there's darkness and you feel that I speak Chinese and he speaks Russian, whatever it is, there is no communication because everybody speaks in his own language software program. So it doesn't mean anything about my partner. It just means that I need to make an effort to create that bridge, that bonding. And again it takes work but remember that the key is desire and if you have a desire then you have a vessel and you can draw any light you'd like to draw and create and design your own destiny and definitely on relationships. So I hope you enjoyed. I want to thank my dear husband for all the love. - Thank you very much. And my wife for so much patience and an amazing day of love. And were sending you all this love and wishing you Chag Same'ach and true harmony in any relationship in your life. Love you all. Thank you for watching. Bye everybody.

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Duration: 35 minutes and 34 seconds
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Language: English
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Posted by: kabvids42 on Jul 20, 2016

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