Why Your Clients are Stuck_Final

>> Have you ever had a client who just never did their homework, they showed up session after session with excuses but never results? Clients like these are not staying accountable to their goals. Accountability refers to the actions clients take in between sessions. In theory, if your client is financially invested, wants to change, and has collaborated with you to create a reasonable action plan, they should be doing the work. But in reality, just because a client has a desire to change and has hired you as a coach to help them make that change, it doesn't mean they actually will. When this happens, the novice coach typically turns to what they can do to help their clients stay accountable. But here's the thing, when it comes right down to it, you can't really hold your clients accountable to anything because you can't force them to do anything. If they're not willing or prepared to do the work to get what they want, it doesn't mean that you're doing a poor job of coaching them. They may just not be internally committed to doing whatever it takes to achieve their goals. It's in no way a reflection of you as a coach but rather a reflection on their level of commitment. It's also not your job to push them. Again, you can't force anyone to do anything, so instead of emphasizing accountability as the solution, I'm going to offer you a more effective approach. When your clients aren't doing the work, instead of focusing on how to boost accountability, try focusing instead on the "Why your client is stuck," and how you can help them understand what's going on beneath the surface. Only then is it helpful to introduce accountability tools once they've done the inner work to release whatever has been holding them back. In this lecture, we'll explore the top reasons your clients are stuck and what you can do in each of these situations to foster a more productive outcome. So let's jump right in and look at the six reasons why your clients are stuck. One, they aren't ready to change. The desire to change is not the same as the will to change. Anyone can want something but how many people are willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want. Simply put, if your client isn't ready or willing to change, they're not going to regardless of anything you say or do. They may very well want to change, but they're only willing to do what's easy, and you know, as a coach, that isn't enough. So while your client may say that they're desperate to lose weight and that they'll do whatever it takes, when you talk a bit more to them, it might become clear that they don't actually want to eat their vegetables or exercise. In reality, they're hoping that they can get to their goal by taking a pill or eating a diet junk food, which we all know isn't going to work in the long run. If your client has given you all of these reasons why they can't or won't do the dirty work, they're just not there yet despite how desperate or motivated they think they feel. When they're truly ready to change, they'll be open to suggestion and sacrifice because they've reached a point where their current state has become too unbearable. This is a place that only they can get to. You can't take them there. Again, I want to repeat this. Your clients will only change when where they are is so uncomfortable that making a change is the only option. While you can do your best as a coach to get them to this place emotionally, only your client can get to this place. Willingness to change and a commitment to doing whatever it takes is necessary for getting results. The best advice I have for helping your clients reach their goal is to only take on clients who are motivated to do the work and weed out those people who aren't committed to change, people who are searching for a quick fix but not much else. You can do this by assessing a potential client's readiness to change during a prescreening or Health History. You can ask questions like, "What have you done in the past to work on this issue? Do you usually go for the quick fix? Are you ready and willing to do more than that to achieve this goal? If I told you that making this change would be hard, would you still be interested in working together?" Making your expectations clear to all potential clients by saying something like, "I'm committed to supporting and guiding you through every step of the way to reaching your goals, but I want to be clear that you are the one who will be doing all of the work. This requires strong commitment and follow-through. Without this, I can't guarantee the kind of results you're looking for. Are you cool with that?" Many coaches are afraid to do this and turn down potential clients. But really, the more selective you are, the more clients you'll have in the long run. If you take on the kind of people you believe are capable of getting results through your program, you'll develop a solid track record of successful clients which will lead to more clients seeking you out because you've earned a reputation as a coach who delivers results, who's worth the investment. Quick fix clients never get the results either of you are hoping for. This can rub off on your reputation as well as your morale. Two, they're afraid. As you'll learn throughout this course, more often than not, when a client is resistant to doing the work, there's something blocking them from moving forward. That something is a belief that they can cling to, which is rooted in fear. I'm sure all of you can relate to this. Think of something you really want but struggle with obtaining because fear holds you back, maybe you really want to turn your coaching business into a fulltime career, but no matter how pumped you are about health, nutrition, and coaching, fear is holding you back. Maybe you're afraid of quitting your nine to five. What will you do without your safety net? Maybe the fear is of what other people will think of you when you start putting yourself out there and charging more for your services. Whatever the reason is, fear is keeping you stuck, and the same is true for your clients. Fear is a powerful illusion that can keep us stuck in spite of our strongest desires. We often forget it's there since it's always lurking in the background in our subconscious brains. Identifying and overcoming the fear around change is the true first step to taking action. The outer reflects the inner. If your clients want to get good results, they have to do the inner work before they can do the outer work. They have to get their heads straight before they can start taking actions in their everyday lives. You can best support your clients by putting the action on hold and instead focusing on addressing the belief that's keeping them frozen in fear. We'll teach you how to do this in the modules ahead. Three, they haven't thought about what they're gaining by not changing. This can be a tricky concept for some clients to grasp, but it can be a total game changer. Many clients feel so desperate to change that they can't imagine any benefit to staying the same. They'll say, "I can't stand this. I just can't live like this anymore." They're so consumed with wanting to change the behavior that it doesn't occur to them that what they're currently doing is serving them on some level, so they're holding onto the very thing they're trying to change. In other words, there is some kind of benefit to their current behavior that they find to be rewarding or else they wouldn't be so stuck. Your job as a coach is to help your clients arrive at this conclusion and discover what this is for themselves. For some, this will be easy. They know what it is, and they don't want to give it up. They'll say something like, "I want to stop drinking, but I don't want to give up my social life." Pretty straightforward. For others, it might be a bit more complicated. Weight loss is a great example. Many clients will come to you with a strong desire to lose weight. They'll tell you all the reasons it's not serving them, but they'll struggle to find even one reason why it is. Here are several, maybe their friends and family are all overweight, losing weight could mean losing out on those relationships, so staying overweight translates to maintaining friendships and relationships with family. Makes sense, right? Or maybe they're afraid of losing weight because it will attract unwanted attention from people on the street. Staying overweight could be keeping them protected from these kind of encounters. The list goes on. Whatever it is, you'll want to help them explore the costs and benefits of staying the same compared to the costs and benefits of changing so they can get clear on what's most important. We'll dive further into this later on in the course. Four, they don't see their potential. When your clients don't realize just how amazing they are and what they're capable of, it's your job to champion them to help them boost their confidence. What do I mean by champion? Well, think of what a coach does for a sports team. They believe in their players and help them see a vision for winning while cheering them on from the sidelines. We should always be doing this, especially when our clients are feeling stuck. When we champion our clients, we see the best for them when they can't. We hold up a vision of what's possible. Most people have been brought down their entire lives. Few people, if any, in their lives, have ever been shown a bigger vision of what they can achieve, which makes success seem scary and unattainable. Take Chase for example. Chase grew up in a small town, the kind of place where people live their whole lives without leaving. Most people expected him to go to work at the paper mill, earning little money just like his dad. When Chase met an IIN grad at a conference, she saw so much potential in him, potential no one including himself had ever seen before. It was almost heartbreaking. This grad told him, "I see you. I see you've got incredible potential, and you're going to do great things." Without even knowing him, this coach championed him when no one in his entire life had and it literally opened up a world of possibility for him. A year later, he won a scholarship to a coaching school as well as a scholarship to an in-steam program for men. He took himself on a 90-day adventure around the world, and when he returned, he started his own coaching business. Chase attributes a lot of his progress to the fact that someone shook him awake by holding a bigger vision for him, showing him that he was capable of so much more than anyone had ever told him. We can't assume that our clients see what they're capable of or that anyone else has ever told them what's possible. If our clients are not progressing, we may simply not be cheering them on enough for them to realize what they can actually do when they set their minds to it. Five, their plan doesn't account for bio-individuality. Sometimes their problem might just be the plan itself. In the Health Coach Training Program, we talk about bio-individuality. There is no one diet that works for everyone. Well, just like in diets, the same principle of bio-individuality applies to action plans. If your client is showing up again and again not doing the work, it may be that the plan itself is not optimized for their success. This doesn't mean that they aren't capable of achieving their goals but that they might need to re-evaluate things. Sometimes things sound great in theory or on paper and they just don't work once taken for a test drive in real life. This is why we always let our clients lead the process of goal setting. If your client is already vegan or vegetarian, for example, work with them from the framework of an animal-free diet. Don't try to push them in a different direction. If they've never brought up anything around switching to a Paleo diet, for example, neither should you. You have to go with your client's instincts because you'll create problems in their lives if you tell them, "You should be eating this or you shouldn't be eating that." Just because we're experts on diets doesn't mean we're experts on our client's diets. So when things aren't working out, inquire from a stance of curiosity. The last thing you want is for them to feel judged and clam up and become defensive. Revisit obstacles and challenges and see what's come up for them. Encourage them to find a better path. One, they feel like they're more likely to commit to. And, of course, champion them every step of the way. Six, you're letting them off the hook too easily. Yes, your clients are paying for your services, but you have to be the coach that they need, not the coach that they want. This is a common mistake to make especially for those of us who are people pleasers. But think of it this way, coaching is a lot like parenting. When you're a parent, you do things that are hard in the best interest of your children, like laying down the law and disciplining them. It's harder to discipline your child than to be disciplined. Just ask any parent. No parent ever wants to hurt their kid or see them cry, yet this is the most loving thing you can do for your kids because you're acting in their best interest to help them grow and become capable, successful, loving people. It's the same concept with your clients. The most loving thing you can do for them is to be firm, to ask those difficult high-mileage questions and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's your job to challenge them to be their best. Your clients are paying you for your help. They're investing in a coach, not a friend. It's okay to challenge your clients to call them out on their excuses and to hold them to high standards. They may get mad in the moment, but ultimately, they'll like you more if you've helped them break through what's holding them back. When we let our clients off the hook, we're acting to protect ourselves from feeling uncomfortable, not for our client's progress. So my best advice for you is to get out of your own way, show up, and ask the tough questions. That was a lot, so let's recap the six reasons why your clients are stuck. One, they're not ready to change. Two, they're afraid. Three, they haven't realized what they're getting out of not changing. Four, they don't realize their potential. Five, their plan isn't structured for bio-individuality. And six, you're letting them off the hook too easily. For each of these dilemmas, there's a way to help your clients move forward and they all involve peeling back their layers to see what's going on at the core, not forcing accountability. This is because you can't make your clients do anything they aren't ready or willing to do. It's all up to them. You'll encounter all of these scenarios in your coaching practice if you haven't already. I hope you're feeling more prepared to work with your clients who are stuck. And for those clients who are seeking help with accountability, we got you covered with that too. Head on over to the Learning Center and check out our top 10 favorite accountability tools for the motivated client. That's all for now. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time.