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Pimping for Jesus

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Well, we've been following the American presidential campaign quite closely in the United Kingdom, mainly because our country has been acting like the 51st state for so long that he kind of feels like our president too now, God help us. And of course we realise that this is a very important choice, not just for Americans, but for everybody on the planet. This is not the sort of job you can stroll into with your head up your ass hoping for a major atrocity to give you an excuse to attack a country that had nothing to do with it. That's not going to happen, any more. I suppose it was inevitable that the Republican campaign would degenerate at some point into an unsavoury squabble about who is a bigger pimp for Jesus, because two of the candidates, Mr Huckabee and Mr Romney, have realised that the evangelical lobby is still there waiting for somebody it can call its own; still waiting for that special someone who will actually do something about the rapture. So they've both decided to run on the 'theodemocracy' ticket. This is a new word, theodemocracy, which has been coined as a euphemism for what might be more honestly described as the Christian jackboot. A society ruled by Christian values is what they want. Not the values of Christ, no, the values of Christians. Yes, I can almost hear that shiver running down your spine from here. To this end Mr Romney has been very keen to reach out to the evangelicals, but because he's a Mormon, they're not sure they can trust him yet. They're thinking: "This guy might be crazy. Let's hope he is, so we can vote for him." He's a member of a bizarre sect that believes that an angel turned up about 180 years ago with some gold plates, and as a result of this they all have to wear special underwear. I don't know whether that would be considered crazy enough, but if not, he also said recently that freedom requires religion, which I think pushes him way over the line, because freedom requires religion like a slug requires salt. When you embrace religion you give up your freedom, that's the deal. You submit. And it's why you need faith, because there's no rational reason for you to submit, so you have to talk yourself into it. That's what faith is. Mormonism is not a high profile religion here in the UK, in fact I didn't even know about the special underwear until just this week. I suppose I've always regarded Mormons a bit like Jehovah's Witnesses - the kind of people who, when they knock on your door, you don't want to be rude, but you don't want to be polite either. So when I first heard that there might actually be a Mormon president I was a little surprised, of course, but then I thought why not? America is a very egalitarian society. Why not a Mormon? Indeed, why not a Jehovah's Witness? What the hell, why not go all the way and elect a Scientologist? Anything but an atheist, because atheists are the enemies of freedom and a threat to the American way of life, according to Mr Romney. In fact I'm just wondering now how long it's going to be before somebody actually uses the phrase "War on atheism", because I think you'd get quite a number of people signing up to that one in the name of religious freedom. I get e-mails from people who live in the Bible belt, and who tell me that they're afraid to go public as atheists because they think it would affect the family business if people knew they didn't believe in God. Is this the kind of religious freedom that America is so proud of? Praise the Lord, or else? And they always dress it up, too, in such a nice little package, as if Christianity equals patriotism. This is a peculiarly American idea. It's not something I've ever seen anywhere else, this notion that Christianity and patriotism are somehow connected, when the truth is American Christians are the last people you would call patriotic, because they worship a foreign god. If you're going to worship a god, at least make it a North American one. There must be hundreds to choose from. Show a little loyalty to the land of your birth, people. No wonder you're losing the plot. Your religion has no roots. You're praising the wrong Lord. Mind you, here in Europe we can't really criticise, because we're just as bad. I've always found it quite odd that we revere the ancient Greeks for their great discoveries in science and philosophy, yet we dismiss their religion as fantasy, while embracing the religion of a culture that could barely rub two sticks together to make fire. If only we'd gone with the more civilised Greeks who knows where we might be today? Actually, we'd probably be blaming Pandora for all our troubles on Earth, instead of Adam and Eve, and creationists would be forcing children to believe the world came out of an egg laid by a giant black-winged bird. There but for Genesis, and the god of the desert, because that's the god we chose for ourselves, for reasons best known to ourselves. And with this god, there is no dialogue, hence there is no freedom. Because with this god you obey or you perish, that's the arrangement. Submit or be damned. On your knees, or be tortured forever, you miserable sinner who'll never be worthy enough and whose soul will never be pure enough, but God loves you anyway, you worthless piece of crap. Who wouldn't be seduced by such blandishments? Who wouldn't want to prostrate themselves in humble gratitude? Well, me actually, for one, thanks all the same. Because religion has had thousands of years to make a convincing case for itself, yet this is the kind of thing it still has to resort to - crude coercion and childish threats of eternal punishment. And as for all this talk about freedom and religion, the one thing we never hear about is freedom from religion, and I think this is the most important thing of all, because Mr Romney himself wouldn't even be a Mormon today if he hadn't been raised that way. He'd be wearing regular underpants like everybody else. But he was brainwashed into it as a child, he was hypnotised into it as a child, and now, despite his obvious intelligence, he's clearly unable to shake it off, even though it's a hindrance to him in what he's now trying to achieve. Far from being free, he's a slave to the childhood programming that keeps this mind virus alive generation after generation, and there's nothing that he can do about it, even though he must know in his heart that this is the one thing Peace to everyone, especially to atheists, and all other crazy un-American freedom-mongers.

Video Details

Duration: 6 minutes and 26 seconds
Country: UK
Language: English
Director: Pat Condell
Views: 12,179
Posted by: patcondell on Dec 18, 2007

It's a Republican thing.

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