BBC One Comic Relief Daniel Craig Catherine Tate

Elaine Figus is 36 and lives in York. For the past few years Elaine has been surfing the internet looking for romance. After a succession of unfortunate liaisons, Elaine has failed to find her life partner. Undeterred she is back on the saddle and this time she has finally got something to smile about. – Well, it all kicked off big time when I bumped in to my favourite Eurovision chat room, DiggilooDiggiley.net and got chatting to a chap called Bongeboy68. He was nuts about Celine Dion and, well, as I look quite a lot like her – post-surgery – I said why don’t you come over and I could wild you with my fish finger pie, and the rest – as they say – is biology. ...history. – So tells us a little bit about him. – Well, he says he’s an actor, but I’ve never heard of him. – So you don’t believe him. – No… I think he works at Caughlin warehouse. – Daniel, normal straw or crazy straw? – Crazy. – I was hoping for someone slightly better looking. As me old dad used to say: damned Mr. Brigs. – Here we go! Two weeks after meeting Elaine Figus, actor Daniel Craig has moved into her terraced house near York. – Does it bother your that Elaine doesn’t seem to know who you are? – She doesn’t know what I do, but she knows who I am.