BBC One Comic Relief Daniel Craig Catherine Tate
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Elaine Figus is 36 and lives in York.
For the past few years Elaine
has been surfing the internet
looking for romance.
After a succession of
unfortunate liaisons,
Elaine has failed
to find her life partner.
Undeterred she is back
on the saddle
and this time she has finally
got something to smile about.
– Well, it all kicked off big time
when I bumped in to my favourite
Eurovision chat room,
DiggilooDiggiley.net
and got chatting to a chap
called Bongeboy68.
He was nuts about Celine Dion and,
well, as I look quite a lot like her
– post-surgery –
I said why don’t you come over and I
could wild you with my fish finger pie,
and the rest – as they say –
is biology.
...history.
– So tells us a little bit about him.
– Well, he says he’s an actor,
but I’ve never heard of him.
– So you don’t believe him.
– No…
I think he works at Caughlin warehouse.
– Daniel, normal straw or crazy straw?
– Crazy.
– I was hoping for someone
slightly better looking.
As me old dad used to say:
damned Mr. Brigs.
– Here we go!
Two weeks after meeting Elaine Figus,
actor Daniel Craig has moved into
her terraced house near York.
– Does it bother your that Elaine
doesn’t seem to know who you are?
– She doesn’t know what I do,
but she knows who I am.