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3.2.Reality_2.0_Pizza

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[music] [Daniel] So, for the next part of ROSA 2.0 Reality, I want you to think about how different we all are. I mean, look at the different people—right? Different personalities, different ways of looking at life, different ambitions, different goals, different values. It's just crazy! Some of these people we're looking at are truly successful in some areas and then disasterous in others, and some other people it's quite the opposite. Like—for example—if we were to look at Einstein, Einstein is famous for the fact that his family life was quite chaotic. I mean—a mental genius! Some of his theories haven't even been understood by 20 or 30 people on the planet— maybe some things we're still going to understand, so he had areas where things were great and things were not so great. Then, you have other people here where they've managed to find balance in different areas or whatever it might be. I mean—this is Grumpy dwarf, but he has a family, a group of people he works with every day. He's not an Einstein, but he has different value systems. So, basically, the next tool in ROSA in Reality is called the "Pizza of Life", and what we're going to do with the Pizza of Life is we're going to find a way to get our clients talking about themselves. You see, in the reality phase, it's really important that the person we're coaching tells us about who they are and what's important to them in there and that they tell us as much as possible. What we're gonna do is we're gonna use a tool called "the Pizza of Life", and what the Pizza of Life tells us is that each person has different areas in life and some are more important and some are less important. So, let's look at a fresh new Pizza of Life over here. The first thing I want you to understand is that we're going to divide life mostly into 4 areas— 4 core areas where we say we have practical sides of life, but we also have emotional sides in our lives, we have mental sides in our lives, and we have spiritual sides. What we're gonna realize is that every person, whether it's some kid playing football in China or stockbroker in New York or some lady who is a fisherman in Indonesia— whatever the person might be—you or me— we're going to see that most of the areas in our lives are the same. You see, most of us have pretty much these 12 core areas in our lives, and this is something that connects us. Yeah—we're pretty different, but the truth is if we were to divide our lives into 4 areas and then each of those into 3 areas, what we would figure out is that we have much more in common. So, what we do is we use this Pizza of Life to talk to the person to get them sharing information about themselves. So, if you look at the diagram that we're showing you now, you can see that we've given a name to each of those 12 slices, and I want to just run you through what each of those is. So, the first slice is "finances". Finances is: How much money do I have? Right? What's in my bank account? Do I have a car? Do I have a home? Can I afford to put my kids in a private school? Whatever it might be. Anything that has to do with the material world. Do I owe money? Am I in debt? That's all here. Then, we have the next slice which is "health", and with health, it's essentially 3 things. Number 1: physical exercise. Am I doing sports? Do I do things? Number 2: It's the way I eat, what I'm drinking. What's my diet plan? Am I a vegetarian? Am I overweight? Like in my case? Number 3: Do I have any illnesses or physical conditions that make my life more difficult? Maybe I'm even in an extreme situation. Maybe I have a terminal illness, or maybe not that bad, but it's still a health issue. Then, we have a third slice for the practical side of life. This is a tough one. I want you to really concentrate. We have one which is called "work/career", and with work/career what happens is this practical slice— these 3 slices—this one here is about work or to most people what work is is a career. A kind of person like you that watches a coaching video online that's trying to become a better person and learn all these things— I'm betting that you look at work more as a career. In other words, you see what you're doing right now as a stepping stone to your next step, which will then go to a next step, and you're trying to build a career out of it, and that's great, but there are other people— which is also perfectly fine—they don't really see work as a career. They just see work as somewhere where they get their monthly paycheck, which to be honest is perfectly fine because what we have is somebody that says, "I go work for 8 hours a day. I'm happy." Imagine it's somebody at the big shopping center passing your groceries on the counter, and you ask him, "So, what's the next step in your career?" They say, "I don't really care much about work. I'm more a family person," or "I'm totally addicted to collecting stamps," or "I'm an animal person, and I have all these animals at home." Whatever it might be, they have other interests, other passionate areas, and work is just that thing that they do to get their paycheck, and they're happy about that. So, the third slice is either work or career, maybe even work and career, and those are the practical slices. Let's look at the emotional slices now. With the emotional slices, the first one we have is "romance". That's the relationship between 2 people—well, I'm guessing it's 2 people. I mean it depends on your culture. It also depends on your personal values, but you get my point. So, do I love you? Do you love me? Am I in the relationship? Maybe in romance, you could say, "Look, I'm not in the relationship, but I'm perfectly happy about that." Maybe I'm having a relationship with myself for a while. That's romance. Then, the next slice is called "family and friends", but Friends is with a capital F, and that's an important capital F. Let me ask you something. Do you have a friend who is almost as if he was your brother? Do you have a friend that's like your sister or your brother? It's almost as if they were your family? That's exactly what we're talking about here. You see, we have certain people in our lives that are not our friends anymore, they've become our family, and this is the slice for my parents, for my kids, for my family, for those people closest to me. Then, finally, we have an emotional slice which is called "contribution". Contribution can mean many things. Contribution might be you volunteering your time, helping out the world, making it a better place—like if you want, we can look at Ghandi over here, and his form of contribution was with peaceful manifestation, helping India free itself from the shackles of the empire that was reigning, but maybe your contribution might be donating money. Maybe you're a philanthropist, or maybe you're just somebody that donates 10 or 20 or 30 bucks a month to whichever institution is important to you. Maybe your form of contribution is just being a beautiful person every day— being like this—being this bear over here, and your contribution is just being a nice kind human being to the ones around you. Maybe your contribution is saying, "I raised healthy kids, people who are going to make a difference in the world." Whatever it might be—what is your form of contributing, and what is your form of making a difference to those that are not in your circle of intimacy? So, another way to look at this would be this is love for one person, this is love for a few people and this is love for as many people as possible. So, that's the second quadrant. Now, let's look at the third quadrant, the "mental" slice. First one we're going to have here is "personal development". With personal development, it's everything that you do to become better as a person— like this coaching series that you're doing right now with me— that would for sure be in this slice. It can be in other slices. For example, for you it might be in the work slice. It might be in a couple of other slices that I'm going to talk about, but for sure, it's here because you're becoming better as a person. Any books that you would read, any courses that you would do, even learning a new language. Let's say you say, "I want to start learning Chinese. I'm going to learn Spanish." Okay, great! That would be in there, when you're still personally growing besides school. Now, there's a trick here, which is somebody might say, "But what about a university student? Where does that fill in?" Well, if the person is just a university student and they're just studying, then it's probably a work/career slice, but if the person already has a career and they're working in a certain field but they're going to university anyway, probably that's already a personal development slice, but that's a choice everybody has to make. The next one we have we call "hobbies and social life". Just remember if you can't really read what's written up here with my handwriting, just pay attention to the diagrams because you have all the diagrams and you can read them. You're going to be able at the end of each video to download a PDF and to get this information, but, of course, follow here as much as you like. So, what are hobbies and social life? Hobbies are anything that you can do to relax your mind, to have fun, whether that's a sport playing golf or reading books just for fun or whatever it might be. Something that just relaxes you—playing games. Social life is this kind of life where you go out a restaurant, you go and watch a movie with a friend of yours, and then, afterwards you guys get to discussing what it was about, so it's a mental slice. You have all this information being exchanged in talking about things. Then, finally, we have a very, very important slice which is called "peer group". I'm actually going to take a pause so you can write that down. So, peer group is a group of people that you have in your life that either challenge you very, very much or they support you very, very, very much. By the way, ideally, if you could get someone in your peer group that could challenge and support you at the same time, that would be amazing! But you have to have in your life—and this is crucial, guys— people that challenge you—that whatever you do is never enough. So, you publish a book, you launch it, it sells 5000 copies and they say, "What do you mean 5000? It should be 50,000," and you say, "Man, I just wrote a book. It's published! You know how many people never get to publish their book?" and they say, "Yeah, but you're not just any person. You can do much more than that." The people in your peer group—they don't let you be weak. If you say you're going to quit smoking and you start smoking again, they get up your ass! They get down your neck! They piss you off! They irritate. They say it's not enough. Now, on one hand, you need to have people who challenge you, but on the other hand, you need to have people who support you, who nurture you, who love you. It doesn't matter what you do, they will accept you. They will care for you. You said you're going to quit smoking—you still smoke. They say, "Yeah, you're human. Look, I have an eating problem. You have a smoking problem. Okay, it's life." So, that's what your peer group is. Do you have a group of people that support you, that challenge you? And that's your third mental slice. Finally, let's look at the spiritual slices. So, let's just run through this very quickly—we have 3 practical slices, 3 emotional slices, 3 mental slices, and now we're going to get the 3 spiritual slices. So, number 1 is "self leadership", or if you like, we can call this also the "self confidence" slice. Why do we call it the self confidence slice? Because it's the slice that is always focused on me. Who am I? Do I have time for myself? Do I like myself? Do I appreciate myself? Am I a beautiful person? What's my relationship with myself like? Now, it's really important to separate that from personal development. You see, personal development is a mental slice—it's not a me slice—it's a mental slice. It's how much am I learning? Books, courses, stimulating information. Self confidence or self leadership—that's a spiritual slice—it's a me slice—who am I? When we get to talk about roots—in a couple of videos you're going to listen to roots— one of the R's—the question is who am I? Who are you? That's the self leadership slice. Then, we have "life purpose". Life purpose. In other words, what am I doing here? Why am I on Earth? Why did God decide or the Creator decide or the Universe decide that I should be born? How can I contribute? I'm going to come back to that in a second, but I want to share the next so we can compare them, which is the last slice which is the "purpose of life", or if you like, some people feel more comfortable calling it the "meaning of life". What does that mean? Life purpose is why were you put on Earth? Why are you here? But purpose of life or meaning of life, that's actually why are we all here? You see, if we look at Kurt Cobain over here, for example, his life purpose was to play the guitar, make some sound, be an alternative band, not be mainstream, and he really felt that he should go after his life purpose, but what was the purpose of life for Kurt Cobain? Now, that's a much bigger question 'cause the purpose of life would not be what is he supposed to do. That would be the question: What are we all supposed to do? Now, I don't have any guesses. Maybe you should listen to the lyrics of Nirvana, and you try to figure out what Kurt Cobain thought the purpose of life was, but I'm sure—I'm 100% sure—he didn't think that the purpose of life was that everybody played the guitar. Does that make sense? That everybody was in a rock band. In his opinion, that was his life purpose, but the purpose of life was something else. You see, for some people, the purpose of life is love. For some other people, the purpose of life is chaotic. This is a scientifical, anarchic, crazy combination of atoms and carbon and hydrogen and oxygen, and this is life. For other people, it's religion. For example, if your client is a very religious person, this is where their slice will be because their purpose of life for them is given by religion. For example, we have here somebody who represents one of the biggest religions on Earth—right? The Christian religion and this is Jesus Christ. If somebody was a devout Christian, they might say the meaning of life for me is the one that the Bible teaches me. It's the one that God has told me, and that's fine. Maybe it's not a Christian. Maybe it's a Buddhist. Maybe the purpose of life is a Buddhist. Or maybe they're from Islam, or Hindu, or whichever other opportunity that they might find in their religion. Maybe it's a mixture of religions—maybe somebody had an orthodox father and a Jewish mother and whatever it might be, and they have a combination, but that's their purpose of life. Life purpose, on the other hand—this slice—this one is about you. Are you a painter? Are you an architect? Are you a lawyer? Are you a father? Who do you want to be? What do you want to contribute? What can you do to make the world different? So, let's get the big picture here of the whole Pizza of Life 'cause now I have a really important question to ask you which is: If that is more or less the whole scheme of your life, how happy are you with your life? I want you to do this exercise. I want you to get a pen and paper out, and I want you to draw your pizza, and I want you to draw each of these slices, and I want you to do that now. Actually, if you look just below the video, you'll see a link which says Pizza of Life, and you could also choose to download this PDF that has the Pizza of Life in it and then print it, and you can do it that way—it's up to you—but if you draw it, it's much cooler 'cause you get the feel of it. I want you to ask yourself this question: From 0 to 10, how satisfied are you with each slice? So, let me give you an example—Imagine from 0 to 10 I was to ask you, "How happy are you with your finances?"and let's say at the moment we're going through some sort of weird Euro crisis, world crisis, whatever. Let's say in your case you say, "I'm not happy. It's a 4. I'm broke." So, what you do is you draw the 4 wherever the 4 is for you, and you put the number and you paint that in. Then, I say to you what about health? Now, maybe you're not like me—maybe you're like some super healthy fit geek guy—amazed. So, what happens is you say, "It's a 9—I exercise every day. I'm high." You put a 9 over there, and you paint that in. Then, imagine I said to you, "What about work?" and you say, "Well, work is okay. It's about a 6," and then I say, "What about romance?" and you say, "Well, romance is good. I've been married many years. I think it's an 8. I think we could use some spark, but I'm pretty happy." Then, I have to say to you, "What about family and friends?" and imagine you say, "That's a 1." I'd say, "Why?" You say, "Well, my kids left for college. My best friend—we had a big fight. I just feel disconnected from my family. I've been working too much." Whatever it might be, and I want you to continue doing that. I want you to paint all the slices of your pizza, and I want you to put numbers, and I want you to see how satisfied you are—how satisfied you are with each slice, and that is the Pizza of Life tool. So, once you've done that—and by the way, I want to give you a chance to make this interactive. So, my suggestion is that in 3 seconds you pause your computer— you pause the video so that you do the Pizza of Life, and then once you've painted it, you come back. So, let's try that. Three, two, one—pause. [no audio] Okay. Now, if you unpause, that means that you're back—that you've painted your Pizza of Life. So, I have a question. How do you feel about it? Looking at your Pizza of Life—let's say that this is mine, but what's yours? How do you feel about your Pizza of Life? Are you happy? Do you have a better life than you thought you had? Do you have a worse life? How do we use this in a coaching session? So, I'll be asking you these kinds of questions, and I'll say to you, "Tell me about the slices of your pizza. Tell me about them," and you say, "Which slice?" I say, "Any slice. Tell me about the good slices. Tell me about the not so good slices." Just let the person randomly speak. Some people are very structured, and they'll say, "Well, in this slice, b-b-b-b-b, and in that slice, b-b-b-b-b." Some other people will start being crazy. They go, "Well, this slice, you see what's going on is at the moment I have this person in my peer group and," [babbling] and they'll jump all over the place. The point is— you're going to use this tool to get the person talking about the whole life. Remember that person I told you had a problem with romance? My example: They had a marriage problem and they were confused about the relationship. Well, when I get them to talk about their whole pizza, what happens is they'll connect the relationship to the different slices. They won't just focus on this one little problem. They're going to un-focus, and I'm going to be able to pull them back, as if to get a bigger perspective and to look at life in the big context—not just in the context of the relationship but in the context of the whole pizza, and that's how you use the Pizza of Life technique. That's all it is. You get them talking. You get them discussing. That's ROSA 2.0. So to finalize, let's summarize. Reality 2.0. What are you gonna do? You are going to ask them first thing— you're going to say, "Hey! What's up?" Then, you're going to ask them lots of questions, so they can tell you about the issue, and you're going to get them to make sure they talk positive and negative. Next, you're going to get them to draw the Pizza of Life, and they'll tell you about the different areas of their life and what's happening, and with all of this—this should take you about 10 to 20 minutes, and all of that is Reality 2.0, and that's what you're going to be doing with your client to get them to discuss with you everything that you think you might need. This is going to bring you the necessary knowledge and capital for Objectives 2.0, which is what we're going to talk about in the next video. How do we go from reality to helping people know what they want? If we come back to here, we've just finished Reality 2.0, and the next video is going to be about Objectives 2.0, so see you then!

Video Details

Duration: 21 minutes and 2 seconds
Country: United Kingdom
Language: English
Genre: None
Views: 22
Posted by: tsdm on Apr 29, 2014

Learn to coach yourself and others

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