Zhanna Dosmailova - Vannovka, Kazakhstan - Kazakh (Global Lives Project, 2009) ~00:15:01 - 00:30:01 - Life Story Parent Interview Part 2

Every time I come home, I feel warmness in my heart. How do you feel about raising your own children alongside all the other children you have here? For example... One very pleasing thing is that our children are open-minded and are not particularly envious of eachother. To be honest, Kuanysh has been very open since he was a baby, for example, when we were in Vannovka, all the children in our neighborhood were charmed by him. This is because he is open and welcoming. He shares his toys with everyone. He really is a boy with a big heart. And as we have told you already, with all the difficulties we have had in our lives, at some point we had to move to Almaty because of Dana's health problems. In Almaty, Kuanish went to 2 schools and in those schools he never had any problems at all. He makes friends quite easily and so he found friends very quickly. I would tell him "You're like glue. All children want to be close to you". He was a really big treasure from that side. As Kuanysh changed schools, he managed to find friends and in our neighborhood he had friends. The environment in which children grow up is no doubt very influential on them. We were in the environment of some well educated, good people. That all influenced our children so much, and was also helpful for their general education. All in all this wasn't too difficult for Kuanysh. To be in a society with lots of children. However, of course, Zhanna and Ilyas are still too young. They really need mom and dad. But they somehow managed to quickly learn how to live in that place. Last year, near the place you went to yesterday, a nice thing happened. Having grown up in town, Ilyas and Zhanna found life in a village to be entertaining and fun. We saw Zhabagyn village first. Zhabagyn was their first village so they become addicted to it. However, now they wouldn't go back to Zhabagyl, they would want to stay here. Or they would look to see if their friends are coming, they say "If they go, we will go too". They really fell in love with this place. Sort of got into this system. If you ask them who their friends are, they will say that everyone is their friend. Oleg is their friend, and even 16-year old Zhasarbay is their friend. 5-year old Roma is a friend too. So, there was no problem whatsoever. We also have a wonderful system in that we don't punish our children. We love them in the same way they love us. Of course, educating a child is not easy. For example, when Ilyas and Zhanna were small, Kairat was a cunning boy. No matter what bad thing he would do, he would stop immediately and learn the right thing to do and change. Roma and Andrei are difficult in the same way. If they do a bad thing, they will hide. If not, then they would change in the same way Ilyas and Zhanna do. But, with love, it's for their own benefit. They understand that it's for the benefit of their futures. If you ask them why they gave up, they would say what they have done wrong and if it happens that Kairat is coming they would say "Uncle Kairat!" Roma is running first. There is nothing like envy for these children. So now, for example, Vasya looks like Kuanysh's elder brother. He sees it that way. Oleg, for example, is younger than Vasya so Zhanna is like his same-age sister. The reason is that Oleg is very peaceful, "dobriy" in Russian. People love people like him. I'm so happy. For example, Ilyas is like Vasya's elder brother. That's how he sees it. And Roma is like his younger brother. This job is very hard but also very entertaining. Sometimes difficulties arise, however, all those difficulties can be solved by teaching them to think in certain ways. "Where there is unity, there is life" - an old Kazakh saying. So last month there was a problem but because we are a team we managed to solve it. Children understand their mistakes quite quickly. There are all sorts of problematic but interesting stories out here. Here's an example of an interesting story. Children are very cunning. For example, when we started doing this job and before a month had even passed, Maxim wanted to do judo. Or was it kickboxing? Oh yes, kickboxing. The sport centre is on the other side of Vannovka and so he went there and took 3 children with him. It was so hot that day and they didn't plan to bump into Kairat on the other side of town, because we were busy repairing the house. One woman, who lived near the sport centre, came. She had a gas problem and asked Kairat to help her out. Kairat took the keys and went to help her out in her part of town. After fixing the woman's problem, Kairat visited the kickboxing place on his way home. He asked how his children were doing. People said they went to smoke. So Kairat founded them in the middle of the bushes. Kairat said "Come over here!" When they tried to get into the car, Kairat wouldn't let them. Kairat said "Do you need sport? Now run home!" And so they ran home. Kairat followed them in his car. However, upon arrival, they claimed again that "The coach wasn't there, so we went smoking". But I said "I'll give you one last chance, the coach wasn't there, or you went smoking without reaching your coach? Your last chance, tell me now" and then Maxim said "No we just couldn't stand... We went there and they gave us cigarettes." This was interesting, but hard. So, we have lots of stories like that. Since we are talking about problems, I have a question. After all the serious problems in your family, particularly when you were in Almaty with your daughter Dana who was ill at the time... Often people in such situations lose control. So what helped you back then? How did you overcome your difficulties? Yes, true. Those problems, the problems we had with Dana are especially hard for a mother. At the time I will tell you truthfully, for example, for example, the majority of us would believe that after a person has been created for example, we know God by our "mouth", don't we? We know by "mouth", but if we don't face any problems, we wouldn't remember him. For example, a very simple thing. If your house catches fire, we'll say "Oh God, where are you?" We recall God when we need him. And so I was in the same majority of people by opinion and only knew God by "mouth". Of course there is God. He created the earth. We were like that. But, didn't really have time for deep thoughts about God because our life is so hectic and we are too young to do this. We'll just stick to what others are thinking- that was our way of thought. I lived this way. But since her birth, Dana was healthy and never ill, but got a "no chance to live" diagnosis by 12 years old. She only had 5-6 years to live. When I heard the disease I was really shocked and it was really hard to comprehend. So of course in problem situations you turn to God. So... Having that problem in mind I was looking for God and at that time Kairat's life was very difficult. He had problems with alcohol and drugs. On one side I had Kairat's problems, and on the other I had Dana's disease. And at that point in time ... Kazakhstan's economy was really bad compared to now. With all these problems over my head, of course I turned to God. However, when I tried to call him, he didn't hear me. Near Kairat's place there was a Baptist church, in the same neighbourhood. Every time there was an event going on there, 'Jesus Christ - the World Savior!' advertisements would be put up. So when I read it, I thought that was for Russians. I thought we are Kazakhs, we don't really need that. However, I saw that the people coming out of the church had very happy and peaceful faces. I thought this was an issue of education. But then I realized why these Europeans were like that. We muslim Kazakhs, Uzbeks are not like that. I was thinking really hard and then, so Isa, Jesus Christ is Isa in Kazakh. When I read "Jesus the Savior" I wondered why he wouldn't save us as well? When researching those questions in books the following was written: I am the rightness of the way, if not through me, God is unreachable, noone can get there... And so, what I liked in that book was why you people without seeing weed in our own eye, you would see a thorn in your neighbor's eye? In the same way, we people naturally do not see our own drawbacks and complexities. We see other people's drawbacks very quickly. So I really liked that wisdom and God sent Jesus to this world to help ill people, not healthy ones. He came to the sinful people for example, a doctor is only needed by ill people. If your body is healthy you wouldn't go to a doctor, would you? Of course, there are people who take care of themselves and would go for prophylaxis. But the majority of us would only go if we are sick. So doctors are only needed for diseases. In the same way, Jesus came to this world for people like me. When I understood that point, I became happier. I didn't care about anyone around me and what they would say... "You've sold your religion!". I didn't need that all. I was happy that I found the meaning of life so I got very close to God. I just realized that my belief is totally in God. not 100%, more than that. I know that I've found my way and of course people were talking a lot those days. When Dana died, she also knew God, knew Jesus and Jesus told her: "I gave you a meaningful life". He gave a meaningful life to Dana. Whoever believes me I would wish that kind of meaningful life. Every person has to believe in something that belief really helped me. Of course, Dana's physical absence wasn't easy at all for me. God knew all that, so "automatically" I didn't really plan to give birth to Ilyas or give birth to Zhanna. Of course I love children, but Kairat's life at that time got more difficult. At that time he didn't plan to raise a normal baby. For that reason, at that time, he said he didn't want to have children. Not because he didn't like children, but because he wasn't in the mood. Kuanysh, Dana, Ilyas and Zhanna were calming me. So, God took away Dana, but calmed us. However, the thing that kept me calm was Dana having a meaningful life on the other side. At that place written in the God's words, you can't be ill there. So, there is no need to cry now. I just closed my eyes and let it go. The first year was difficult. You miss and you want to hug. At the same time with all those children, we needed to change diapers, cook and prepare milk. With all that work I was calmed and so in regards to the famous saying "Time cures", time really cured. However, with all that didn't really betray or anything. After all the struggles, at this place now at times I think. If you look at all this, I lost my most sacred treasure I had, but all the orphans here also lost their most loved parents. For that reason, I really deeply understand them. And after that, we have a saying "Two halves add up to unity", a Kazakh saying. I lost my daughter, they lost their parents so I view them as if they are my lost daughter. They also view me as their lost parents. And for example, when Kairat was a drug smuggler, most of his friends died. One from overdose, one fell on electric wires. But he was in a jail for one year. God saved him from death. He wasn't ill, he hasn't had tuberculosis at all. I was very worried for him when he was in jail. If he caught the illness, that would have been hard for him and the illness would have transfered to us. God however saved him from all those problems. He had a plan in his mind. He wanted to be a father to these children. Now those children, the orphans have never seen father's care. They never experienced a father's gentle but tough upbringing which is needed so much by those children. God acted by his plan and saved Kairat.