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1 Mga Kwento ng Pagkamulat

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Four Lives Four Stories Stories of Realization I came from a broken family and grew up with my mom and didn't get to know my dad I know that my dad should have been there while growing up, so I have someone to look up to then I have 2 sisters in short, I was the only boy in the family I noticed when I was a kid up to when I was highschool I was already acting strange and grew up being aloof with my male cousins and I wasn't playing with them though I still had a few male playmates I noticed that my same sex attraction got full-blown when I was in my latter part of highschool up to my first year in college I noticed while growing up that I was very shy perhaps because I came from a broken family when they were asking how's my dad, I had nothing to say until I detached myself from others I grew up in a very comfortable family my mom was a teacher and my dad was an OFW my dad was always away and we could only spend time every 3 months in a year I was very detached with my father and the presence of women is very strong in our family I have a sister and a mom who was also very strong and most of the time I was always spending time with my aunties so I didn't really get to assimilate what the boys normally do so I was very effeminate and very gentle and everywhere I go, I really noticed as a child that people were teasing me and labeling me and sometimes even asking me directly "are you gay", those are the questions they were asking me one thing I can remember was that because of the need to find healthy intimacy with the same sex that I didn't get from my dad, I became close with older men so I always get close to older cousins even older people in the church before until there was a time where this one older guy when I was 11 years old, he took care of me, and on 3 separate events he took advantage of me sexually so I was sexually abused repeatedly at a very young age. I grew up in a family, which I can say is normal. I saw how my parents struggled to give us comfortable living to us I saw my dad's hardwork as a farmer and saw my mom as a housewife who supports her husband while growing up, I was weak and unhealthy and that was the time I saw how different I was with my brothers there were times that I also tried to do the usual work of a normal boy because in the province, when you're in the farming business, you should be doing all the hard work that is expected of a farmer but when I attempted to do those I felt that I really got rejected by my dad and my brothers they said that it's better for me to just concentrate in my studies since I was clumsy anyway so I just focused on my studies I somehow told myself that perhaps I wasn't really cut into doing the hard work they were doing but there was this one time that I really wanted to do the adventures that the guys normally do I went out with my older brother to go to an outing with his friends so I insisted to come along with him no matter what but he didn't want to so I followed them anyways until he pushed me away because he really didn't want to tag me along but I still went with him while crying, it was funny because while crying I was still trailing behind him but then I realized that it wouldn't really work so I went back to the house asking myself I really want to do what the guys usually do but it seems that they don't want me to join them so I sort of promised myself that I will never ever insist myself to them that I won't do the things they do and I'll do things on my own and will be better than them I can say that my childhood was close to perfect because my dad loved me so much we had a perfect father-son relationship and my mom pampered me so much and even breastfed me until I was 6 years old my dad didn't really teach me to act as a boy while growing up since I was the first boy in the family, he really wanted to give all the love and affection to me he didn't teach me to be rough or to take some risks I got into a problem when I was a child and had a playmate who was 2 years older than me and he molested me so when that happened, of course it was a critical time when I really needed my dad but there was this incident, where my dad was having drinks with his friends and they were teasing him that he has a son who was acting like gay and they were telling him that your son is very strange then because he was already drunk, he got upset and got frustrated of himself and beat me up, for the first time and that was also the first time I got confused because I thought my dad loves me after that incident, my closeness with my dad dwindled away I couldn't remember if he tried to reach out to me but we stopped being close and we just grew apart from being super close up to no connection at all from that time on, I became detached and got that dilemma about my dad I felt I lost my dad who loved me and who protected me. so I grew up having that kind of relationship with him Four Lives Four Stories to be continued.....

Video Details

Duration: 7 minutes and 38 seconds
Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
Genre: None
Views: 2
Posted by: derijo on Jul 18, 2017

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