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The Gifts of Imperfection - A tökéletlenség ajándékai - by Brené Brown

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We've all experienced the pressure to live up to other people's expectations We're going through our lives in our families, at work, in our communities believing that we are not enough and the feeling of failure when we fall short Perfectionism is this idea or belief that if we look perfect, live perfect and do it perfectly then we can avoid or minimize feelings of shame blame and judgement. Doctor Brené Brown is is a nationally renouned speaker and researcher who has spent the last ten years studying connection We are cognitively, emotionally, physically I would argue spiritually hard-wired to experience love and belonging And when we don't we break She shares her insights into being enough in "The gifts of imperfection" Here's Doctor Brené Brown (Applause) Thank you So, one of the things that we do in our personal lives is we try to combat to not being enough by pleasing and performing and perfecting We go through our lives trying to be who we think we are supposed to be doing and saying what we think people want to hear Putting on whatever mask or face we think we need to put on for that moment and what that leaves us is exhausted When we're pleasing and perfecting and performing we end up saying "yes" a lot when we mean "no", right? And we also end up saying "no" when we mean "oh, heck, yes! I want to do that" I really want to do that and you know what? Even though I have a lot of work I want to do it now I don't want to do it five pounds from now I don't want to do it when I'm great I don't want to do it when I practice, I just want to do it now but we don't have those boundaries when we don't feel like we're worthy enough I have this ring I don't know if you can see it it's got this all-spinners on it and I bought it for my forty-first birthday the one when I aged twenty-one years and twelve months and it has spinners and my whole new thing is when someone asks me to do something now I spin my ring three times before I answer and it's my boundary ring and what I say to myself when I am spinning it is very simple and it's "chose discomfort over resentment" Brené can you bring five dozen cookies to school tomorrow? (Laughter) NO! (Laughter) What happens when we say "Sure! I'll be glad to bring the cookies up to the school Like, if you know me - I'm looking at a friend, one of my fellow-PTO people - you know I'll go right into my very high voice "Sure! I would love to! Peanut free, right?" Uhm, and then what happens is you're home in your kitchen and your kids want you to be kind and gentle with them but you're like this "I hate these people" "I hate these kids" "I hope they choke on my cookie" You know So how do we do things without resentment? you know and it takes boundaries so in the end I think that if we take away anything from the authenticity piece it is about the courage to be imperfect to be vulnerable and to set boundaries because the whole idea of I am enough starts with... Enough! Steve and I for a long time had a list of everything we wanted Like our achievement list maybe a lake house like every other person I know I want a bigger house with a guest room no one will ever come the first time draw to have the guest room we just had this of things that we wanted while on the whole-hearted reasearch came out it fundamentally shifted the way we lived the way we parent everything and so we decided to make a list of everything that was happening in our lives when we felt really joyful like what's happening... not a "want list" like actually based on evidence like we're the happiest when what's happening and we looked at this list and the list was the opposite of the "want list" the "want list" dictated to us that we needed to work more, make more money and the "joy list" meant less work and more time here is the part where we all struggle worthiness does not have prerequisites we need to find a way to engage with the world from a place of worthiness we need to find a way to say "I am enough" this is who I am because I literally believe that our lives depend on it So thank you all very much (Applause)

Video Details

Duration: 5 minutes
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: HoustonPBS
Views: 223
Posted by: szemereorsolya on Jun 3, 2011

The Gifts of Imperfection - A tökéletlenség ajándékai - by Brené Brown

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