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all has changed!

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All has changed!!! The other day,my wife calls me:" HELLOOOOOO?!?" "SUMMER'S COMING! I NEED 10,000$$, I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT! WANNA GET GUAM'S KELPS MASSAGES!' What? Before you met me all you knew was taking a bath in the mud!! Stop it now! don't drive me crazy!! Seriously,all has changed! I remember,the first times we were together...It was enough to buy her a bunch of flowers... "Hunny! You bought me flowers!!!... "...I'm gonna put 'em in a vase..." ..."I will even put an aspirin in there,so they last longer!!" After 20 years one day I buy her flowers... - "DID YOU BUY ME FLOWERS?!?!" - Yeah! - "ARE YOU TRYING TO HIDE ANYTHING?!?!" - Yeah! Your face when I'm back home!! I will hold 'em up like this!!" I was treated a lot better when I was living home with my mom!! My wife's a cleaning freak!! When we first got married, we would watch the soccer game on the couch... she would massage my back and feet... If they scored: ..."The opposite team scored...." "Bad boys! Mmmmhh!! Bad bad boys! MMhhhh!!!" After 20 years of marriage,our couch is still wrapped up in plastic... If you watch a game in the summer,it sticks to your thigh so bad when you stand waxes you! She seats near me and goes "IS IT AN IMPORTANT GAME?!?!?" - Well,It's the "Champion's League",sure it is! She sits on the couch and goes.... Till one day the soccer player from the screen looked at her and said "Alright now you are really getting on my effin' nerves!!!" It has changed! Look! Look at yourselves!! The very first few times we slept next to each other there was a wonderful atmosphere....There was this music in the house... She would wake up at 4 a.m. to go have breakfast Fresh milk,she would even go get it straight from the cow she got on the balcony! Would get coffee right out of the coffee beans!! Her morning breath was like.... [whistles]..smelled like flowers right after she woke up! Something wonderful,fresh croissants and home made pie! After 20 years of marriage,the scene is the same,she still wakes up at 4 a.m. wears a long white gown,looks like she has no feet! walks around the house like this! One morning I said: "Sweety,can you make me a cup of coffee?" " ARE YOU CRAZY?!? YOU ARE JUST A CHAUVINIST !!" ..Jeee, it was just a coffee!! Milk was so rancid it had tadpoles inside,had been in the fridge one year!! Her morning breath,seems like she has been eating that nasty salami they sell outside the stadium! Then we have those cookies... 1.5$ for 600 lb of ones, you know.... Those that when you soak them in your milk... can't even reach your mouth and they...PAM...fall back in the mug!! By the end of breakfast you got this 2 inches sticky thing in your mug... ..she passes by and's gone! The other morning,I'm driving,around noon...she calls.." HELLOOOOOOO!!" I had to pull the cell away from my ear! - What' s up? - I NEED 20,000$$. WANNA SEE AN ATTORNEY,I WANT TO DIVORCE!! Damn! - Oh,c' mon, c'mon...Dude,Don't be so upset... Yeah,I know.... -These things happen,c'mon...That's life,you know... - Why are you so sad??.... - But I'm not upset!! This is the best day of my life,Beppe!!!! I did it!!!!

Video Details

Duration: 3 minutes and 38 seconds
Country: United States
Language: Italian
Genre: None
Views: 118
Posted by: delilah8419 on Aug 24, 2009

Italian stand up comedy: a man talks about his life before and after 20 years of marriage!Very funny!

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