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The instructor's role with outspoken children. The red storyline. I'd like to discuss card number 6 with you. Can you pick it up? Look at it for a while and take it in. Try and put yourself in the person's shoes you see in the picture. And then one of you can say what you see, what's happening there. The instructor first gives the group room to talk... to assess the participants' level. A boy that takes a girl home. -But it's also sexual. What do you mean? -If you look at the boy... he seems to say: Let's go inside. It's clear, I think, if you look at his face. The girl is rather cautious. -Right, and the boy is more like... He feels like it. -Exactly. I see another typical example of girl's behaviour. First, she sends out signals saying she agrees... but if push comes to shove she rejects him. That doesn't apply to everyone. -Did I say that? That's how it sounded. -That's how I interpret this. I think the girl wants to stay with the boy... but if she says up front: I don't want this or that... he'll turn her away and that's what she's afraid of. OK, but if you've met someone for the first time... you won't end up in this situation, on card 6. And if you think: I'd like to go home with him... you don't go to his doorstep and say: This is where I draw the line. You know what a boy wants when you go home with him. Three guesses what he wants. That's obvious in most cases. He has paid for your drinks all night and then you say: No, thanks. The instructor fuels the discussion with critical questions. OK, but if you go home with him... -What does he want? You can expect he wants more. When I meet a girl, I don't have sex with her at once. No, but if you go home with her, perhaps you want to kiss her. Perhaps the girl doesn't want it. -She can tell him, can't she? OK, but it's... -Why does she go home with him? At that moment... -It doesn't matter. Can he tell her 'I'd like to go upstairs with you'? She can always say no. -He can ask, but it's her decision. You imply something if you agree to go home with a boy when he asks. At that moment, a girl asks herself if she does or doesn't want it. And then she goes home with him, but at his doorstep she says no. She also involves the quiet participants. I want to hear some other people. I've heard you now. I'd like to hear from you what you think. Is he right? -I understand what he means. If they meet each other here and have a drink together... and he asks if you want to go home with him, it's up to you... but if you go with him and tell him at his door you want to go back... I agree with him, but if she really doesn't want it, he should accept it. OK. Gwen, do you agree? How do you feel about it? Is it hard for you? Should I ask someone else? Gwen, can you tell me what you're feeling right now? Perhaps, it's hard for her to talk about it. We're talking about it very easily and casually. Perhaps, things go too fast for her. So perhaps we'd better... Gwen? Instructor makes eye contact. You want us to leave you alone or do you want to say something? I think she'd rather not. How about us? We continue? By being quiet, you also participate. You listen to the others. The instructor intervenes and elucidates both viewpoints. All right. I think the boy is right. He pays for her drinks all night, he has asked her out. He fancies you, he flirts with you and then you end up on his doorstep. It doesn't necessarily involve sex, I think. You can pay for her drink because you like her, not because you want sex. Perhaps she doesn't dare to say no. -You can tell, I think. But then boys force them. -They capitalise on the situation. Boys already have friends. They don't approach a girl to make friends. Sometimes they do. Eventually, it's always about love. -Yes, but it doesn't always mean sex. When a boy offers a girl a drink, I think it involves sex. I mean the other way around, that a girl seduces a boy... and the boy first says no, but then says: OK, if you want it that bad... let's go, I want it too. And then the boys get the blame again. They get the blame again. Give the group room to discuss matters among each other. In that case, just support and encourage them.

Video Details

Duration: 5 minutes and 57 seconds
Country: Netherlands
Language: English
License: All rights reserved
Views: 39
Posted by: webfoundation on Feb 20, 2012

assertive groups

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