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Karen_tu be Av

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Children sometimes can be very cruel. And being as I read on a 3rd grade level in the 6th grade, children in the school thought I was entirely insane, which they probably were right for the most part. Because I would do things like walk on the top of the terrace of the school on the ledge or just throw myself down the flight. Anything to get attention. And I remember one day when I was about 11 or 12, a bunch of kids were very upset with me, because I was very different, very very different then everybody else in the school for many reasons. And they took me, bound me hand and foot and threw me into a pit, in which I cried and was scared. And that was the first time, I was about 11 or 12 years old, I heard a voice that said to me: "What are you crying about?" And I'm like ha? There is nobody here but me. "What are you crying about?" And I answered, I said: "I'm scared, I'm frightened, I'm alone, I'm scared. I don't know how I'm getting out of this". And all of the answer was is: "You are protected". Ok, thank you very much! That was the first time I have ever heard such a voice. First time. And it took, I must have spent a day there until finally somebody found me and took me out of this place. I lived a childhood of much that I don't remember, and that which I do remember was difficult, because as a child to understand what it means not to be wanted or excepted, to be abandoned and rejected. I had many other things, but this was just in general. As I grew older, I fast-forward, because I'm not going to go into a whole life story here. But at 17, at 13 I went to work. I was in high school, I jumped on a bus at one o'clock in the afternoon, went to work till nine o'clock at night, came home and did my homework. The only time I really had that was mine was Saturday and Sunday sometimes, if I didn't work. And at 17 I decided that I really wanted a home. So I made one. I got married. I figured out that was the final solution. That didn't work very well. And about a year and half later I had my first child. And a year after that immediately had a second, so one child should never ever be alone. Very smart, genius. And 6 years later I was of course divorced, and then I met the Rav. And then life changed completely, because he was much older than I, from different culture than I was, was totally in a whole different establishment that I ever even realized existed. It wasn't on my plane of thought. And I adored and loved him not only because of who he was, but because, those of you who read the intro to the book "God wears lipstick" knows that I had a vision, the Rav Brandwein came to me, put his hands over my head and blessed me. Rav freaking out saying, you know, because he had also asked... Most of you read the intro? If you didn't read the intro... So that morning of course he came to me to tell me that he couldn't teach me anymore, because his teacher didn't give him the option, but he came to me. And I saw him, I saw what he looked like, I saw what he wore. I said he spoke to me in a language, but I didn't understand which is Hebrew. And that started the story. And then I said to my husband at the time: "You know what you are teaching me is so beautiful and so easy, let's teach everybody". He said: "You can't do it". So because of where I was and how I was raised, I never knew the word "can't do it", because I always did it, and I always did it by myself. And I said to him: "Why not?" And he says: "It's never been done, it's never been taught". Kabbalah was something that was taught in small corners with 2-3 people. Even the Great Assembly of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai was 10 people. And Rabbi Ashlag had maybe as many. And I said: "No, no, no. If we are together, then we got to do something bigger than that. We got to do something! Because if we not going to do something, then what is our purpose? I mean, yeah, we could love each other, open up a grocery store, but I don't think that was the reason we were put together. So he said to me: "But you realize what that that means?" And suddenly it clicked. When I was going through all those things that most young children should't have to go through, I was being trained, if you will, I was being entooled to be able to understand that sometimes you have to go against the tide, sometimes you have to have a strength to say, and I said to him. He said: "You realize we are going to get ridiculed, I mean, we could get stoned. The religious establishment will be totally against us. God knows what could happen". So I said to him: "So what could happen? I mean, what could happen? The worst thing that could happen is they kill us. So what would happen? At least we die for a purpose. Most people die for no reason. At least we have a reason. And he was totally confused by this time. I said to him: "You know what? Let's not do it here, because of it's so terrible, maybe it's better off we started in Israel. So we packed ourselves up, me and him, and two kids, and 4,000 dollars, 4,000 dollars, that's what we had to our name, and moved to Israel. No friends, no language, no relatives, nothing. Him and me against everybody. And actually that's the way the Centre started. But the reason I'm telling you this story, is not just to tell you that "Wow, look at me, look what I've done". There is no such thing as victims, there are only volunteers. And every time that you step, and all of us have, each and every one of us has a part of us that is wounded some from other people, some from our families, some from the way we were brought up, some from the marriages that didn't work. We are wounded. But our job is not to find the wound and say: "Poor me, what can do?" It's "Wow! How does that serve me? How does that make me a better human being, because that has occurred to me?" And let me tell you something, if you look at things that way, we realize that every single thing that happens in our life happens with a purpose, and the purpose is twofold. I remember somebody said to me, psychologist said to me once: "You should have been bitter and you should have been sort of mean". I said: "Nah, I don't think that way". I think of myself as like piece of meat - the more you hit it, the tender it gets. That's what happened to me, and that what should happen to all of us, because when things come our way, the come our way to see what you are made out of. And if you really want to be spiritual, if you really want to make it, we say it all the time: Light only comes out of one place - Light comes out of the Darkness. Now I'm not saying we should all hit ourselves on the head and bleed, it's not what I'm saying we should do, but I am saying that those things that are in our life, you know, when you have 31 kids in the class, and 30 of them are against you, you kind of feel bad. And "I said in those times, and I was a very young kid, I was trying to figure out for myself how I ever got into this darkness? And every time I went into the darkness, and it was the darkest of the dark, somehow, I remember the first time, and I didn't know what a Siddur was, I went to an uncle and I said I was afraid to go to sleep, I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid to be in dark, all kinds of things, and he handed me a Siddur. And he said: "This is a holly book". and I put it under my pillow, and I was set to sleep. I was sure that the angels are watching me. The angels were watching me as the angels watch all of us. The only difference is that God has the angels to be the more spiritual, the most correct, the most this and the other thing, we here, all of us together on different levels and in different places to fix the fractured pieces that are in us and bring those pieces into the Light. That is our job, and that is the way we open our heart. Not through the good things that happened, good things that happen are wonderful, but it's the negative things that are in our life that bring us closer to the Creator.

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Duration: 11 minutes and 31 seconds
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Language: English
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Posted by: kabvids42 on Aug 4, 2020

Karen_tu be Av

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