Red Nose Day with Catherine Tate and Tony Blair
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Are you Lauren Cooper?
I'm here for work experience
We were actually expecting you at nine.
Yeah, I know. But Ryan had this party last night and he didn't invite me or nothing.
So I told him one time so I said, "What’s this about having a party and not inviting me?" And he goes, "Oh, you're invited"
And I goes: "Well, I don't care 'cause I don't wanna go anyway"
But I did go and it wasn't much up
Right
Well, would you like to follow me?
Who are these jokers?
These, young lady, are the portraits of every prime minister this country's ever had
Is he a prime minister?
Yes
Is he a prime minister?
Yes
Is he a prime minister?
They are all prime ministers
See all these pictures, right?
See all these pictures?
Yes?
Are they all Rory Bremner?
Lauren, come on!
Is he a prime minister?
Is he a prime minister?
He's on a very important call so you just take this in and come straight back out.
Is he a prime minister?
Just get on with it.
Excuse me...
Excuse me...
Excuse me...
Hello?
All right...
I'm on the phone (whispering)
I've brought you some biscuits
Rich tea, is it?
Can I phone you back?
Was that someone famous?
No
Have you ever seen anyone famous?
Well...
Who's the most famous person you've ever seen?
I really need to get on.
But you ain’t even told me who the most famous person you've ever seen is
I'm sorry. What's your name?
Lauren
Lauren. I'm a bit pushed for time
Shall I tell you mine?
Sorry?
Shall I tell you who the most famous person I've ever seen is
OK
This is mental, man.
You won't even believe it.
I was out shopping with Ryan and Lees
but Lees'd gone off with some chav she'd met on a bus.
She thought I was jealous
but I ain't even jealous
´cause he was wearing "Harry Potter" glasses and had wheels on his shoes.
I said to her "We're gonna be in Nikie town...
...but loose the pikie 'cause his heels is gonna get stuck in the escalator".
Ryan had got a gift voucher from his auntie for his birthday.
She ain’t his auntie, she’s his dad’s girlfriend. We ain’t stupid!
So we go right to the children’s section, cos they’re cheaper, ain't they?
And Ryan ain't any short and his feet are really titchy.
You won't think it, right?
But he's got proper little stumps for his feet
like them Japanese women who wear bandages in bed under their shoes...
Have you ever been to CentreParks?
We went over at half term, and I was but like ...
"This is gonna be well dry" but it was all right
...cause they've got 200 different restaurants, one for every mood
They’ve a pool, a bowling alley and a tattoo parlour under one big roof
It's like Butlins, but you don’t get wet
Am I bothered?
What?
Am I bothered though?
What d'you say?
That I ain't bothered.
But you can't say that.
Look at my face.
What're you doing?
Is my face bothered?
Is my face bothered though?
Are you messing with my mind?
Face, bothered? Topshop, CenterParks, trainers, small feet, rich tea, bandages, Ryan, Lees, I ain’t bothered!
But you don’t even know who the most famous person I've ever seen is
I don't care cause I ain't bothered
Out
Rubbish you are!
It was Ross Kemp