Set Goals that Stick_Final

>> Hello there. Before we jump in, I want you to think back to a time when you had success achieving a goal that was really important to you. What motivated you? How did you get there? Chances are it wasn't pure luck or sheer willpower, you were probably driven by a personally meaningful reason and had some kind of plan or strategy in place to support you each step of the way. To accomplish goals, it's necessary to go beyond just setting them than hoping for the best. You already know that goals are an important part of the change process, but do you know the psychology behind successful goal setting? In this lecture, you'll learn how to harness the psychology of motivation to design goals that will set both you and your clients up for success. I want to point out that we're teaching you about setting goals that stick not only so you can help your clients do this but because you get so much more out of this course if you create clear and specific goals for what you most want to improve about yourself as a coach. By creating laser focus for yourself, you can better channel your energy into creating a significant shift in the areas that are most meaningful to you. If you adopt this as a regular practice in your coaching career, you'll rise to the top because you'll continuously be working on yourself and seeing results. So here's the thing about goals, they're great for keeping you focused and on track with your commitments. Without them, your intentions like definition, strategy, and accountability. Without these elements, goals are little more than wishes. But even with the plan, your commitments are still of little value if you're not truly invested in them. In other words, for a goal to stick, you have to have intrinsic value. Are you familiar with the concept of intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation? This is what determines your emotional motivation. What we're talking about here is how you feel about the goal itself. When it comes to goals, how you feel about what you're doing is more likely to determine if you succeed than the size of the task itself. That's why sometimes it feels impossible to do something that seemingly easy, like going to the gym when we have a crazy busy schedule, and other times, we can take on these huge challenges like raising kids with the same busy schedule, yet it seems more doable because there's such a strong commitment to raising your children. When you or your clients have a goal you want to work on, it's important to ask, "Does achieving this goal actually resonate with how I want to feel? Am I doing this because I really want to, or because I should? What's the feeling I'm ultimately seeking to get by achieving this goal?" Any good goal needs a reason behind it. You can think of your level of emotional motivation as the oomph that drives your why. Emotional motivation is necessary if you want to stick with your plan all the way through. You need a high level of drive behind your goals to make sure that effort is consistently going to be put in. Otherwise, if you have another need or desire that's more pressing, it will ultimately win every single time. So goals that stick are those goals that help you achieve what you're most passionate about. These are the kind of goals both you and your clients would be best served to focus on, they're known as intrinsic goals. An intrinsic goal is something you wish to achieve because you're internally motivated by what's going to be gained from the outcome. People are driven to succeed for personally rewarding reasons, whatever they may be. When you have an intrinsic goal, you generally feel that it's worth achieving for your own well-being and self-improvement. Intrinsic goals have a true why that's positive and nourishing for our souls, they make us happy and make us feel good. So we're more likely to stick with them and see them through. They often involve things we want for the purpose of our own self-growth to improve health or support loved ones. When something feels like a must, it's an intrinsic goal. You want it because you truly want it, and that's because your own desire is organically strong, you'll do just about anything to get it. It can feel almost effortless to do just about anything when you really want or need it because you're not fighting with yourself or trying to convince yourself to do what you need to do, you just do it. Think about getting a second job. If someone was just trying to save money, they might not necessarily be all that motivated to pick up a second job. But if they had to get a second job to feed their kids, they would. We do what it takes when it's necessary, not when we should do it, when we must. On the other hand, an extrinsic goal is something you set out to do because you feel like you should whether it's to please another person, conform to society standards, or achieve some kind of external reward. When we set extrinsic goals, it's to escape a negative consequence perceived or real or to please someone else. Extrinsic goals are also those that are driven primarily by money, fame, and appearances. Things that appeal to us but don't truly bring lasting happiness. Extrinsic goals, ultimately, don't end up making us as happy as we hope they would since they don't truly nourish our needs. Because of this, we're more likely to backslide or give up on them entirely as we discover that our hard earned work isn't making us feel how we wanted it to. Have you ever decided you wanted to lose some weight for a vacation or a wedding or maybe it was your high school reunion, you were really pumped about this goal at first, then a few weeks, and you're back to eating dessert and skipping out on the gym. This happens because we've created an extrinsic goal based on a should, we're pushing ourselves to do something uncomfortable to look good and measure up to someone else's standards. What's really going on your intrinsic goal is that you want to feel sexy or confident or accepted. By deciding to lose weight, you've decided this is the only way to get there, but what you've done here is created a plan for yourself that's making you feel deprived or restricted. If you want to feel one way and then you sign up for something that makes you feel the complete opposite, well, no wonder you're abandoning ship. As humans, we automatically default to what's easy and comfortable, unless we absolutely have to, we don't want to do more work than is necessary. Imagine someone came up to you and said, "Walk over there, and I'll give you $20." You'd be like, "Okay, let's do this." But what if someone came up to you and said, "Move that really heavy boulder, and I'll give you $20." Would you do it? You might, but you might not. You'd probably pause and weigh your options to see if it was worth your time and effort if you did it at all. Generally speaking, we all walk across a parking lot, no questions asked for $20, but we won't move the really heavy boulder, we might not even move it for $100, it's just more work than we want to do. The process of emotional motivation functions the same for any goal we have, we only do what's a must for us. If we have to make more money, lose weight, be healthier, etcetera, we'll do whatever it takes but only when it becomes necessary, otherwise we're pretty lazy. So when you set goals, I encourage you to take time to reflect on how to connect with your biggest core motivator and focus on setting the most important goal at hand when you peel back the layers, not what you feel like you should do. The rest will fall into place from there because you'll be moving from a place of love instead of a place of struggle. When you teach your clients how to do this, they start becoming more accountable, more engaged, and see results faster. When the going gets tough, they'll be engaged and in touch with what it is they're really working for, and their action plans will be easier to follow through with because they'll be designing goals around what makes them feel good now, not how they expect to feel after doing all this hard work, like I said earlier, we're lazy. People just aren't motivated by abstract long-term outcomes that have no guarantees. So now it's time to get clear on your goals. Pause the video and grab a piece of paper and a pen to write down one or two goals you feel personally driven to accomplish in your coaching practice while in this program. Ask yourself the following questions as you think about the goals that are most meaningful to you. "What's my drive for taking this course? What motivates me to be a coach? What would I feel most accomplished mastering my coaching practice and why?" Pause now and write down your goals. Are these goals intrinsic? Do you feel passionate about them? Or are they shoulds? If you're feeling like these are shoulds instead of musts, take some more time to reflect deeper on what you really want and ask yourself how you can reframe your goal to achieve what it is you truly want. For example, maybe you want to make more money in your business, why is that? What do you really want to create in your life that money would allow you to do? For example, for me, it's travel. I want to see the world and evote time to exploring different cultures and geographical regions. And in order to have the resources to be able to take trips to exotic faraway places, the one thing I'm most passionate about, I need money, and instead of spending my time and energy focused on the goal of making more money, something that's nice but not my core motivator, I'll feel more driven by visualizing myself traveling to the places at the top of my wish list. So to recap, focus only on the goals that help you and your clients achieve the things you absolutely can't live your life without. And stop creating goals that are based on shoulds or that don't align with your passion or needs. Uncover what's most important by asking why until you get to the core. If you do this, you'll end up accomplishing more in the long run, and it will feel easier. You can do this by creating intrinsic goals that tap into your emotional motivation by connecting you with the passion that inspires you to act. To help you and your clients with the goal setting process, we've included a worksheet in this module called Blueprint for Successful Goals. Go check it out now while this topic is still fresh in your mind. I love to hear the goals that you've set for yourself today, so head over to the Facebook group page afterwards and share all your commitments. Let's all use this opportunity to encourage and support each other. Thank you for watching. We'll see you next time.