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Rael Feliciano - Sao Paulo, Brazil - Portuguese (Global Lives Project, 2006) ~12:37:08 - 12:53:42

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Then the guy said, "No, it's the one showing me her beauty!" So guys started arguing... And this psycho said, "You're playin' with fire! We're all criminals here!" So he pulled out the gun, started shooting them in the head. He fell and started shaking. He unloaded the gun on him. Then my cousin, I was with him in this mission. And the thing in criminal life is you gotta stick together... He went and killed this other guy they called "Dad", you know? So, in the meantime everybody, the neighbors, they heard my voice... They said I was there. Man, it was... The sun came up... Man, the blood went down the hill all the way to the sewers. It was so weird... It drove me crazy and I wanted to kill my cousin, kill the other guy. Like, I thought it was so unfair, it really was. Then the guy's buddies were all high too [Fireworks]... In the morning, they said, "Man, you'll have to..." whatever... And the guy, one of his buddies was flipping out you know? He's HIV positive. He infected his wife. His son was born... He's got nothing to lose. So he punched me. I fell on the ground, you know? And it all started... Erimar was with me and he got this stick that was... full of nails and... It was like laying on a bonfire. He jumped him. Then my woman tried to stop it. So, after that day everything was okay. So Erimar and I were drinking ourselves silly, we'd drink vodka to forget. I was out... The other day I woke up and life started to get rough. Around here, nobody would talk to me, you know? The guy's family... One had just got out of Carandiru Prison, he was a major psycho, a buddy of the ones who died. Then it was, "You gotta tell who dunnit..." Then this guy from Grajaú, I never saw him before, was hovering my house, hangin' out with my cousin. So, he would walk by... Nobody knew who he was, he'd say, "Hi!" and I would poop my pants... I was afraid! Then people would say, "Here's the thing... If you don't say who dunnit, they'll finish you off. He's got a machine gun... he'll see you on the street and you're done" Then, think about it, he was my cousin, his mother's my cousin... Darn, how could I tell on the boy? [Dog barking] And then there's that psycho too. The guy would kill me even if I said something. So I was on a crossroads. My brother was flippin' out. The guys said, "It's cool... If you didn't do anything... If you guys leave, they won't kill you. Just go away." So we left and went to Dois Córregos. It's two cities after Brotas... We were mad... We had to rent a house... We left with the owner of the house, the house where we had the party, 'cause things got rough for him too. He was friends with the new tenant. The guy they killed was his friend too. [Women talking] So we went there. The guy said we'd get a job, we had a place to stay... So we went... But his family said, "You can stay, but these two..." It was my brother and me. [Women, children in the background] So we said, "Man, we're messed up, now what?" So he stayed with us and we went to this guys' house... This guy who had a store, and I still have to thank him. I told him I would give him a copy of the CD... It was so long ago... So we spent some time at this guy's place. He talked to a local politician, we went and rented a house. So, my Mom would send money she didn't have to his account. I was mad! They had to buy a shower, basic goods, you know? It was a shock... So things started to happen, and there's the cause and effect law. If I didn't do anything, why would something happen to me? You know? I was their friend, but things got heavy... Darn it, I was the one who invited them to the party... So... That's what happened... Time passed by. [Dog barking] So I got the call, "You know the guy from Grajaú? The cops killed him." You know? That's when I got back. So the guys... My Dad talked to some of their relatives... They said, "That's cool, they can come back." And then I got back. When I got back, they killed the guy's uncle, who just left Carandiru. They killed him on the railroad tracks. They even set him on fire. Like, his body was shrinking. My cousin... They killed him in the field up the hill, there. From all those guys, there's only me now. [Women talking] So, about the music... I was already into it back then. I had already recorded some demos. It was called "The rhyme in your head already exists." It was another project with "Cão Que Arredia," some of these guys here. These guys here. This is Peterson 011. Where is it? This is the original "O Cão Que Arredia." So... Like, we went on with our art. Things were crazy and, it seems that it has something to do with mysticism... One of these guys, not the "Dad," he worked at... Lacta and my brother kept saying, "Hey, get me a password there." He said, "As soon as there's one available, it's yours, man." Then he left a password with his cousin, you know? When my brother came back... When we came from Dois Córregos, this cousin had got a job. So my brother got the password. So we're back, my brother got a job... [Women on the background] And we slowly got things together. I started working running errands for an office, but kept playing. So we started... ― I'm leaving. ― OK. We had an idea and we were like, "Let's... Let's go make a record, man, let's make our base sounds." That guy bought a computer, so let's make a record. So, we started mixing our base sounds and that's that. But, back then, I was out of my mind like crazy I'd drink a lot before school. I'd get there all drunk... Every day before school we'd go have a "firefighter" shot. But that never stopped me from making my music. So, we said, "OK, next week we start recording." Then, a Wednesday in August... I think it was August 9th. I started to... I had lost weight. I was working... I was working and going to school. I started having chest pains... I was... I ran to the doctor and the woman said, "It must be pneumonia or something. Here's the number for a pneumologist." So you see, the 'hospitality' doesn't have any room available. So we... I kept calling and nobody would answer. Sometimes it was busy... I was working and going to school. I said to myself, "That's nothing. It's alright, it's gone." Like, sometimes I'd feel the chest pain and say, "Maybe it's gas." Or, "I need to drink milk, more milk..." I don't know... I was my own doctor back then. So... The week we're going to make the record, I start coughing, lung and blood would come out. I had lost over 26 lbs. Then I went to the doctor... The woman said, "It's TB." "Gotta take care of it..." I was like, "OK." I was in shock, bro! Coughing up blood... Blood coming out... That foul smell. So she said, "It's TB. Go to the clinic and get medicated." Then I got back home. I tried to eat and it started all over again... So I went there again... She said, "No, it's TB!" And all this and that. The hospital manager... Not the manager... The head surgeon... I don't know, she was a big shot. [Coughing] Then... [♪ Background music ♪] They wrote my info down again and sent me home, man! So, I'm home and it went on all night. I said, "Man, if I keep throwing up blood like that I'll die!" So I went there with this neighbor. She brought the hospital down. [♪ Background music ♪] No, that's not it... First I went over here to Osec. So this man, he's been a doctor forever. Like, he had the stamp with his signature and record number. They... The guy said, "Yes, you have TB." "But you can't stay home like this." So an ambulance took me and they still wouldn't admit me. At night, I had an episode and the neighbor went with me. I was admitted and spent a month there. Like, it totally changed my life. I was high out of my mind all the time, you know... But I felt even more... I felt like a warrior. I wasn't afraid of anything, you know? Not that I'm afraid of many things, but I was a guy that... Me, myself, deep down I was like that. I had dreams, but at the same time something kept me down on the ground, not so much so. The guys would say, "Let's go, man!" You know? "Let's go!" Lotta courage... So crazy... Then, after all that, my life changed, bro. Geez! I said, "Man!" Bad luck through and through, like, a negative part of my life. So I left the hospital and started to feel better. I got depressed at home 'cuz the medication was heavy. I thought I was going to die. So people who had had the disease came to talk and cheer me up. After some time, I recovered and I was like... I started to cleanse, you know? I had some ideas, feelings... I accomplished things. I started to write, have ideas and... and brainstorm with the guys who sing with me. So we started recording, we went there and recorded it. We got money here and there. [Voices in the background] Most of the time we didn't have a job. Only one of us was working... Maybe two. I'd give $20 when I had some. Studio time is expensive. So we started recording to show everybody. So we went and took some demo tapes to Rio. That's how we were running for the Hutúz award, like an Oscar that awards the best of rap here in Brazil. We were in the "Male Demo" category. We didn't win... The following year it was "New Coming Artist". We didn't get it either... So, that same year, we recorded... We'd just go and do it. We were making a record, we hadn't even released it. We took it to a producer to see how much it'd be to make a video. We took our CD and left it there. The guy liked it... But then we had no money. After some time... Time flew by... It was Carnival and this guy was going to Rio with Serginho, from "Big Brother," who had some dough... He said, "Man, your music is cool!" Serginho "Big Brother" liked it and the guy said, "So, let's see what we can do..." That guy's a music director. He's a movie maker too. He said, "That's it, let's make a video!" So we made a video here at the slums. One shot, going up the stairs and ending at that hill where straight bullets come from. So we took it to MTV to see what would happen. It was Video Music Award season and we showed up... It was Thursday... No, Tuesday and we had this show at Rei Castro, at a party that Serginho "Big Brother" was throwing at... ...Vila Olímpia. So, I met the director and asked him, "Whaddya think?" He said, "Man, I don't think we'll make it..." MTV, I don't know... So, on Thursday I was freelancing, working a little... And my girl called me and said, "You guys are in for FM Radio category." [Fireworks] Wow! Like, we hadn't even released the record. So we were like... That's the highest point of our career. So, "Bro! That's insane!" Well, people started... they gave us more respect. The hood started to show more respect. At the time... back then we didn't have any money... to finish the record. So drug dealers helped out... one gave us R$ 5,000 so we'd finish paying for the record. Or finish recording... paying for the first installment to go to press. To make copies. Well, not the press... It was like... How can I explain? It was copied, bro. It's copy... Not pressed 'cuz it's not industrial. So, we got our place in the sun, man! Now it's like if you like rap, all over the country, you've heard of Pentágono. Our hood now... It's like we 'is' their mirror, you know? Children come to show us their rhyming. Boys say, "I'm new to this..." This and that... Some ask for a hand, even though we can't help, but if you're on TV they think you've already made it, you know? People think you're 'da bomb,' man. Then you come with cameras and they say, "The boy made it!" So, I get angry and all... Like, today people go 'round sayin', "I live there in Iporanga." The guy says, "Pentágono's hood?" So, nowadays.... we're the face of our community, thank God... In a nutshell, everything I said, the art made me... Not only art... I believe in 'me' a little too, you know? It gave me everything, man. I lost respect 'round here for stupid thing I've done. It was prejudice, just 'cuz I didn't care. I was a skater boy bugging everybody... So, people wanted to bother us. "These are the guys..." "These guys are high and all..." No way... So today... All respect, from women to little ones, thank God! Well... More and more I'm... I see myself sinking in, you know? I'm getting deeper into music. Many times, bro, I said, "No, I'm out..." Like, I had this job that was putting me against myself. A surveillance job... I was down, so... But I'm only there 'cuz the music, even though it frees me, I can't make any money from it. If we get some, it's just to pay the bills. You can't buy property, settle things, you know? I have to work and make music, 'cuz I can't just make music. One day, who knows, I can live off it. ― Do you stop to think how you're feeling right now? How I'm feeling? No... There are different phases, bro. It's all about the phases... There's a phase when things start to happen and all... Then you need things to happen and you're like, "That's messed up!" "What do we have to do?" We keep lookin' for something to do, but sometimes it's not you, it's just a phase... [Women on the background] and how things flow. You're like in the crossroads... "Geez, now what, bro?" [♪ Guitar ♪] You're down... Like, we went so long without rehearsing 'cuz we didn't have a mic. We... We got some money to... to buy 'them' mics... We put money together... So you see, sometimes bad thing happens... We got money to get 'them' mics and thought, "OK... We'll do it on Friday." So a buddy went to Bolivia and wanted 5 CDs and 5 press releases. There in Pinheiros de Arataje... Nobody could go... This guy got a friend's bike, whose documents had expired. He left the CDs there, but the police got the bike on the way back. So, he had to use the money to give it to the biker, so he could go get the bike at the impound. That messed it up, so we were like... We did what we could to get a few cents and try again. [Women talking in the background] So, bro, We go and do it. ― When you say that... after the tuberculosis... you weren't afraid of anything... What are you afraid of now? Bro, this health thing itself, you know. Sometimes I feel this pain and I go... Sometimes it's all in my head, but I get kinda... I get... I watch myself more now. Thank God I accomplished it all... It was a necessary evil. I was like... I didn't take a break, you know? I mean, there's this song I wrote about those times. [♫] I'm... I'm going to play a bit... Like, it was just frantic. Now, I can control myself, I have a schedule. Sometimes... I also slip sometimes and fall back on it 'cuz I'm only human, you know? But now I think about my health. I can't just go on without water... I think about many things. So, that's what changed, about taking care of myself: sex, drinking, night life.... I take it easy. Like, I had to live to see it... 'Cuz I think for me to live what I'm living now, I had to go through that and adapt... I couldn't just be dumb like that. These things... It was a lesson, the best lesson I've learned... That was the worst thing ever, but the best lesson in life. [♫] Let's see... [♪ Guitar ♪] [Cough] [♪ Guitar ♪] [♫] Feelings in our hearts, thoughts, our reasoning [♫] [♫] remembering. It seems like yesterday I was there. [♫] [♫] I'd go to bed high and get up wanting more. [♫] [♫] Regrets? Why? It was so good. The worst is gone. [♫] [♫] I learned the lesson. [♫] [♫] So many moments in life. Those moments [♫] [♫] I was up, I was down. I realized that [♫] [♫] things will be better... Just don't leave it to chance. [♫] [♫] That's how I saw it's all different now. [♫] [♫] You're not in school anymore. [♫] [♫] Vodka, beer, women. It wasn't me. [♫] [♫] I'll only study when I feel like it... [♫] [♫] I didn't care, I didn't see time go by. [♫] [♫] I'd spend my time just laughing. [♫] [♫] Crazy times. We'd shake things up sometimes. [♫] [♫] A commitment to life, nothing else. Stayin' up all night. [♫] [♫] I get home, Mom asks where I was, where I'd been. [♫] [♫] I made mistakes, but I had to lose it all to find my way. [♫] [♫] So I remembered... [♫] [♫] I remember I wanted to grow up. It seems like yesterday. [♫] [♫] I was just a boy... A boy... A boy... [♫] [♫] Seems like yesterday... It takes a whole life to learn. [♫] [♫] Seems like yesterday... I made mistakes, but I've paid for it. Hey! Hey! [♫] [♫] Seems like yesterday. [♫] That's the sound, you know? Like... this sound... This song talks about the time when I was... When I didn't take anything serious. I only made a commitment to life.

Video Details

Duration: 16 minutes and 35 seconds
Country: Brazil
Views: 172
Posted by: globallives.brazil on May 13, 2008

Talking in his room.

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