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Workstyle Stories 010 - 'Judit'

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Welcome to Workstyle Stories, because life changes and every life is different. This week we're talking about anxiety, we're talking about security and also the need for freedom. And this week, I'm joined by Judit. Hello, Judit, welcome to Workstyle Stories! Hi, everyone! Judit, for the benefit of everyone, please could you just give us a quick overview of who you are, where you come from and what you do. Sure. So, I'm originally from Barcelona and I'm living in Berlin, and I'm a communications strategist. So you're living in Berlin, but you're from Barcelona, so talk to me about why you moved. Why are you in Berlin? What's your reason? I actually just felt like living here. It wasn't like a really real reason I live alone here, it was just appealing. Great! So, you obviously made a conscious choice to do that. Did that conscious choice come alongside with a change of work? Or was it purely personal reasons that took you there? How did that come about? It was a little bit of everything, because I had a year and a half when I went through some anxiety problems, and I saw that something wasn't fitting. So I made a change of everything. Right, okay, so let's talk about those anxiety problems. How did they manifest and what was causing them to come about? It just came about all of a sudden. It started with some really bad headaches every morning when I was waking up, then slowly, it started also with crying. I was going to the office and I was just bursting into tears and very sad all the time. I wasn't able to go with my friends as normal for a drink and, yeah, it was just like, okay, there's something wrong here. Because I went to the doctor to get tested like, okay, is this something bad? Like, lots of situations, like, am I lacking in vitamins or something? But no, everything was good, I mean, basically, I was totally perfect. So then I just started thinking like, okay, so I went to the psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with anxiety problems. And yeah, I decided then to start going to therapy, to get better. That's fascinating and, you know, I can relate to the physical manifestations of a mental health problem. I think for everyone who's going through something psychologically, there is usually a physical manifestation, almost like your body's way of telling you that things aren't right and it sounds like you listened to that. So in terms of what you talked about then, you had some discussions and some therapy, did you deduce what was causing that? Like, did you get to the root of the problem or where did you go with that? Yeah, I realised that first of all, I needed to pause. So I took a pause on the work and I started focusing on listening to myself, to what my body was asking, and yes, that could go into therapy on a weekly basis. And yeah, I realised that there was something in my life that wasn't fitting, I was feeling very uncomfortable, and slowly I saw that I wasn't okay anymore with living in the societal conventions and the kind of life that you are supposed to be living. And yeah, I thought that wasn't a good fit for me. Yeah, so conforming to those expectations, those norms, was almost limiting your ability to gain happiness from what you're doing, how you're spending your time. That's really interesting. I mean, we exist on this spectrum, as I understand it, of this need for security on the one hand, and yet this desire for freedom and for autonomy on the other. So it sounds like your conforming to the system, if you like, was not giving you what you need in terms of your passion for adventure or your desire to explore. Yes! Is that fair? I mean, I don't want to put words into your mouth. Yeah, exactly, I realised that the structure of the corporate world and the life that I was living back then, it was too rigid and I needed more flexibility in that sense. Yes, as you were saying this stability, for me, it wasn't about having stuff or having a permanent contract or having my house where I was always living there and that stability. For me stability was being true to myself, which was being true to my idea of freedom and flexibility and that was about embracing uncertainty and being more flexible. So, yeah, I just decided to break with everything. I love that. So what did you do, then? What do you do now? Have you answered that problem? So now I'm a freelancer. I don't live, I don't think that my home is just Barcelona, I feel that my home is everywhere that I'm going and I can go wherever I feel like. I work on my own terms. I don't stick to the structure of nine to five, or if I feel like it, I do it or otherwise, I don't do it. It's just like having this freedom and this flexibility of having all the options in front of me and being able to go into that. That's stability to me. That's fascinating. So, good on you for taking the leap, the necessary leap to change up in the face of what was obviously a very difficult time. How are you now? Like, if you don't mind me asking, are you free of those anxiety episodes? How does it feel? Anxiety is always with me now, and actually, I really like it because it's become kind of a very good friend. Because, you know, the way it triggers when something is going wrong, so it's always telling me, it's my kind of personal alarm. And I just feel, I'm going to therapy, I keep on following up with my therapy, but I'm way better now. Everything clicks and everything makes sense in my life. Fantastic, thank you, Judit, for taking the time to share your story. I think it's absolutely fascinating, I feel like we could talk for ages, but we have run out of time. Thank you, again, very much, thank you to everybody who's tuning in to hear these stories. Hopefully they're useful. We'll see you next time. Judit, give us a wave good bye. Bye, thank you!

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Duration: 8 minutes and 31 seconds
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Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
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Posted by: _kim_nguyen on Oct 17, 2020

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