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Kelly Bryson EMK 2. rész

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- Vow! Wasn't that beautiful? Oh my God! Just the passion, and the aliveness and the tango... so beautiful. So much better than most of my relationships. Ahh... I am thinking of a...3 years ago, when I was first learning Nonviolent Communication, I was laying in my bed one evening, my partner comes in and says to me, she says: "I wanna talk to you right now!" So, I froze, I became 3 years old honey, I s....the kids, you know, Hah...I was practising my nonviolent communication, so I told her the truth, I told her what was alive in me. I said: "Yeah, and I feel scared, I feel scared and I want to contiue looking at the ceiling." And she says to me: "Jerk". and walks out of the room. Well my first thought, I am laying there in bed and kind of looking at the ceiling, my first thought was: "Witch". Or something like that. And my first thoughts were violent: "How dares she?! How can she do that to me?! She can do that to me, doesn't she know who I am? Well... That was my judgements. As soon as I noticed, I was in this anger, in this rage, in this judgement of her, then the next thing that happened was that I started to judge myself, I started thinking: "You're supposed to be a Nonviolent Communicator, and look, what you just thaught about her!" And then I started feeling like "PPPPPPT" inside myself. Do you know that feeling? 'Pretty Poor Proto Plazma Poorly Put Together.' Started feeling awful about myself. And then I remembered this skill they teach at NVC Nonviolent Communication is like a swiss army knife, it has all these blades, all these skills, and one of these skills is self-empathy. So I started giving myself empathy, I started listening to what is my pain, what is my unmet need, you see Iam judging her, as a 'witch' or as an 'uncaring person'. We all know that anytime you judge someone, dr. Rosenberg the founder of NVC says, that: "All judgements are the tragic expressions of pain and unmet needs. "Did you get that? All judgements are poor expressions sad expressions of pain and unmet needs. So I was judging her as uncaring and disrespectful, so the truth was: I was hurt. Because I wanted my intention understood and connected with. I wanted her to hear: I was just trying to tell the truth, I wasn't trying to you know, disrespect her in any way, or to c...out, or to bay alow (???) her anything... So it took me 20 minutes to listen to myself. I was sad, I was angry, I was angry because I was thinking she shouldn't talk to me that way, I was sad, because I wanted to be understood to my true intentions. I was hurt, because I took it personally. Anyway...I .... I gave myself the empathy I needed and then I went down to her. I didn't go right away, I went when I was ready. I found her, and said: "Hey, few minutes ago, when you called me a jerk, my guess was, that you were angry, and you would have liked some understanding for how important it was for you to talk to me right then. She says: "it's about time, jerk!" ...But this time I had my compassionate ears on, so I said to her: "So my sense is you're still hurt. And you would have liked this quality of listening and presence previously. And ther the tears came, and then we had the connection. And then the healing came. And the love came. Then the understanding came. Wouldn't be wonderful if ...stakes it just require instead of demnation and hell fire, just a little loving dialogue? Little dance and dialogue, wouldn't that be wonderful?

Video Details

Duration: 4 minutes and 11 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Genre: None
Producer: NVC Santa Cruz
Views: 53
Posted by: szemereorsolya on Jun 3, 2011

Kelly Bryson az Erőszakmentes Kommunikációról 2. rész

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