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Russell Peters Outsourced - cut

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It's not impressive but... ...and I'm not being a dick I really did learn how to count to six from my dry cleaner. I did. I would drop my shirts off, and then she'll count them, and I'll count along with her. So I learned, right? I did it. So, here I count to six. Ready? "<i>Uhrana</i>... ...<i>Shura</i>... ...<i>Sureeah</i>... ...<i>Puurah</i>... ...<i>Phaibah</i>... ...<i>Shixah</i>!" Shixah? Are you Jewish? You can tell when Chinese people are speaking English When Chinese people speak English it sounds like they're chopping vegetables with the words You know what I mean? [CHINESE ACCENT] "You don't go nowhere quick!... ...Don't say nothing bad!" Don't say nothing what? "Bad" How did you just make a short word even shorter?'s dope. Do you know what it's called? Dong. That's the name of their money. Dong. It's worth going there just to have a woman walk up and go "Excuse me, sir... ...could you give me some dong?" Yes, I can... ...Would you like some <i>schlong</i> with that dong? I love that term <i>schlong</i>. Doesn't it sound gross? White guys came up with that term for sure, right? "Hey, dude, there I was... ...and I whipped up my schlong." <i>Schlong</i> Sounds wet. I don't even have schlong. You know, I got a schlort. I got uh... Hey, dude, the show's up here, okay? It's like when people tell me "Hey, Russell, how do you say <i>hi</i> in Indian?" "Well, there's no language called Indian... I don't know what you're asking me." "All right, smart ass... ...How do they say <i>hello</i> in India?" "Like this... [INDIAN ACCENT] "Hellooo!" She's like "Eh!" and "Oh!" and everything was ok then, right? I said "You should try the popcorn !Xicken." I like hanging around Jesus, man. 'Cause Mexican, Latinos in general are very proud people, you know what I mean? You don't ever mess up anything Spanish around them. They get very upset, like you're supposed to know how to say their shit. I'm like "Jesus, I'm gonna go get a burrito, man." "Hey!... ...It's <i>Bu-rree-to</i>." "Holy shit. I'm <i>sorryto</i>, ok?" If I had an Indian name, I'd wear it proudly. You know what I mean? I don't have one. If I had it, I would rock it very proudly. What's your name, Mr. India over there? Anit. - Sorry? - Anit. Anit? See, that's <i>a neat</i> name. That's- [INDIAN ACCENT] Anit! [INDIAN ACCENT] Anit Patel. That's my brother, <i>Amessy</i> Patel. That's my big brother, <i>Aslob</i>. "...What's their culture? Hamburgers and <i>horogs</i> is not culture." "First of all, hamburgers and what?" "<i>Horogs</i>." "What the hell is a <i>horog</i>?" "Horog, you know, horogs?" "You mean, hot dogs?" "Don't try and give it a fancy name now, ok?"

Video Details

Duration: 3 minutes and 48 seconds
Language: English
Genre: None
Views: 1,153
Posted by: lainsloth on Feb 29, 2016


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