Dealing with Loss
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Hi! Today I wanted to talk
to you a little bit
about how to talk to kids
about grief and death.
Unfortunately, we lost a very dear
friend, Shimon, two days ago.
And that brought something
that I thought I would like
to share with you.
I wanted, of course, to tell my kids,
they knew him very well,
and to have a conversation
about the fact that he passed away.
And what I felt as this
painful situation occurred
is really that strong
sense of humbleness,
of how we really do not know
how this Universe is operating.
We do not know why,
why him, why now?
Why at all.
And when I spoke
to my kids about it
and presented it this way
where I do not have an answer,
I do not have a good answer to tell
you "why him and why now?"
And I do not have a good answer to
what you could have done
differently to avoid it.
And I know, as we live
on a spiritual path
and we would like to be, you know,
have a spiritual insight into life,
we really try to get answers
and kind of formula
of how things work,
and if I do x, y and z,
that a, b and c will not happen.
And there is something a little bit that
I found about creating a cultural fear.
And that is what I really wanted
to free my kids from,
is living in the sense
of "life is a mystery".
It is a big and complex puzzle.
And we will never have
the whole picture.
We will at most probably
see half of it.
So when things happen,
if we keep that sense of humbleness
without judging right or wrong,
without judging:
"Oh, how could that happen?
How did that happen?
This is not fair!
This is ok, this is not ok".
Is really to keep that consciousness
of "I do not know",
but all I know that this is
what happened right now,
and how can I move forward from it?
How can I help the people
that are left behind.
What can I do?
What is it showing me?
What is it revealing something new
that I did not know,
I did not learn or I did not see yesterday?
And living with that awareness
will probably help us to hold on
to a space that is more real,
less judgmental and curious.
Because I really do not know
what is going to happen next,
I do not know what is going
to happen a minute later.
So if we hold that space
of "life is a wonder, one big wonder",
and it reveals itself slowly but surely,
and I can see, all I can really see is
what is happening right now.
And all I want to be engaged with
is what I am doing right now,
and that how what I do right now
moves me forward,
how what I do right now
helps other people.
And that is what I shared with them.
Because there are really no words.
58-years-old man getting
a heart attack and dying
in a split of a second.
Who can explain that?
He was a tremendous, a big soul
who helped so many people,
who did so many amazing,
wonderful things in the world.
So that sense of humbleness
and that sense of "there is
so much more than what we see",
and that is ok.
And being less rigid about
what we think we need to do
or what we do not need to do
or judging each other
about certain things
there is no place for that
when you live in a humble place
of "I do not know
what is coming next",
but whatever it is I am
going to do my best
to be present in it, overcome it,
face it, learn from it.
So really in a memory of Shimon:
I love you very much.
You were a special man,
always kind and
always really trying
to do the right thing
and sometimes more for others
than for yourself.