The Psychology of the Coaching Relationship_Final

>> Do you struggle to connect with your clients? When you think about it, do you truly take the time to establish a warm connection? Or do you feel compelled to race towards results? In the Health Coach Training Program, you learned about the importance of establishing a solid coaching relationship. You may recall the emphasis was being put on being warm, and hospitable, and creating connections with your clients. So how is this materializing in your practice? A common mistake among new coaches is to place too much weight on the skill of coaching, what we do, and not put enough care into nurturing the relationship itself, how we do. In practice, it can be easy to forget that taking the time to build a relationship is a skill in and of itself, and it's just as important to the coaching process as things like listening, goal setting, and accountability. To understand the power and significance of establishing a great working relationship with your clients, it can be really helpful to take a look at the psychology behind this and consider relationship building as a strategic skill. So in this lecture, I'll share with you the basic concepts of Client-Centered counseling as a lens and a framework for how to establish a warm and trusting coaching relationship, one that's optimized for your most productive work. I'd like to pause first though and clarify and stress that while we're going to be teaching concepts from psychology and counseling theories throughout this course, we are in no way suggesting that you practice out of your scope from your role as a Health Coach. We're teaching you these concepts because coaching and counseling theories often overlap, and we want you to have a solid understanding of how to effectively understand your clients and guide behavioral change. Please be aware that this does not qualify you to counsel your clients nor does this count as a psychology course. All right, now we're ready to move forward. So as coaches, we tap into the psychology aspects in all of our work. And establishing a coaching relationship is really nothing more than tapping into the psychology of our clients, as people, to build a relationship and create optimal conditions for our work together. Looking at report building through this lens can be really helpful. A pioneer of understanding the dynamics of a powerful working relationship is Carl Rogers. Back in the mid 20th century, Rogers came up with a theory that detailed what he believed to be the optimal conditions necessary for therapy to be successful. His theory and ideas known as Person-Centered or Client-Centered Therapy were a pretty groundbreaking because they were the first to really put an emphasis on the power of the working relationship and of a client to be able to heal him or herself. Rogers believed that the client is the expert, for only he or she really understands what it's like to be in their shoes and what's best for them. Makes sense, right? Through a supportive, loving relationship, a client can tap into their innate desire for self-growth and work towards the solution that's best for them. This was huge because this was an age of behavioral deterministic theories, which placed practitioner as the expert and client sometimes as nothing more than analogous to a lab mouse, who could be conditioned over time to respond and act in one way or another. Rogers' Client-Centered Therapy set the stage for all modern counseling interventions and his concepts influenced and, in many ways, mirror some of the core principles of coaching. Central to Rogers' theory is the concept that in order for a client's condition to improve, the practitioner must be warm, genuine, and understanding. Sound familiar? His belief was that the therapeutic relationship is the most important aspect of therapy, not was actually said or done. Specifically, Rogers believe that three core conditions are necessary for work with a client to be successful, congruence, unconditional positive regard, and empathy. These are principles that reflect the attitude of the therapist toward the patient or, in our case, the coach towards the client. Rogers believe that in the absence of these three conditions, a productive working relationship just cannot be built, and therefore outcomes will be limited or completely unsuccessful. Let's explore what each of these concepts actually mean. Congruence is about being genuine and real with your clients. A congruent coach is someone who's authentic, someone who's coach self isn't a facade or anything different from their usual self. In session, their inside experience matches their outside experience. A congruent coach is not afraid to be real with his or her clients, so they'll appropriately share whatever's coming up and whatever they're noticing in their clients' process within the relationship. This is so important because it allows the client to develop trust and build a relationship with their coach. We pick up on it when people are fake. Think about it. Would you trust an insincere coach or someone who seems to be withholding regardless of their best intentions? If we put on the special coach mask to try to be more professional or charming to our clients, they will pick up on it, and it will backfire. So next, let's talk about unconditional positive regard. This means holding your clients in high esteem at all times without any judgment or criticism. To convey this, we need to be careful to avoid using any language that might risk giving them this kind of impression. When we hold our clients in unconditional positive regard, we believe that they're always the best expert of their own lives, not us, and that they're doing whatever it is they need to do to discover their own solutions. We express our unconditional positive regard to our clients through frequent genuine praise and encouragement. When we're being unconditional, we support our clients no matter their decisions whether or not we agree with them. From this standpoint, we believe that they have a legitimate reason why they do what they do. And so we take a stance of curiosity to find out what that why is. We can also show our unconditional positive regard by refraining from asking any questions that can imply judgment or criticism. For example, if your client tells you she ate meat after being vegetarian for two years, and you say something like, "Why did you do that?" It could sound like you're placing a value judgment on a situation. Conversely, if you responded by saying something like, "What was that like for you," it creates an open space for the client to evaluate his or her own experience without feeling that they're being cornered, judged, or need to be defensive. This opens the door for your client to explore any topic with you without fearing judgment and rejection. Lastly, Rogers believe that empathy was vital in this equation for a productive working relationship. Empathy allows coaches to understand their client's experiences, perceptions, feelings, and actions from their point of view. And since the client is the only true expert of his or her own life, it's necessary to transcend thinking beyond what you, as a coach, believe to be true, and instead, see the world through their eyes. Otherwise, you just can't be on the same page, and there's space for judgment to arise. Accurate empathy conveys not only that the coach understands the client but that the client's worldview is being validated and that they're accepted. As I mentioned earlier, Rogers believe that all people have an innate tendency towards self-growth or what he called self-actualization. He thought it was the job of counselors or, in our case, coaches to help their clients self-actualize. So in the same fashion, we exist to help our clients self-actualize by supporting them in a judgment-free zone, and listening to them as they progress on their journeys of self-growth. A working relationship with congruence, unconditional positive regard, and empathy is precisely the environment where this kind of growth can flourish. So the psychology behind why we need to establish a coaching relationship before we can expect to see results is clear when we look it through a client-centered lens. We can't expect people to self-actualize to open up to us and share their deepest fears, desires, and dreams, and show us their most vulnerable spots, without them first being comfortable with us. And we can't expect change and commitment without first making our own commitment to demonstrate to our clients that we're worthy of their trust, that we believe in their power to succeed, and that we pose no threat of judgment or criticism as they bravely expose their deepest insecurities and vulnerabilities. It's our job to make them feel at home. And to do this, takes no special skill beyond being genuine, open, and mindful. It simply requires us to show up to be ourselves and to put our faith and love in others. But at the same time, this is a skill because often it's something we have to relearn as a result of being conditioned in our daily lives to put on this facade for the rest of the worlds, guard our trust, and function from the frame of our own perspectives. So the main point to take home from this lecture is that how we interact with our clients and treat them is even more important than what we do with them in a session. Borrowing from Carl Rogers, you can create an environment to inspire your clients' self-growth by bringing congruence, empathy, and unconditional positive regard to all of your sessions. What do you think of the Client-Centered Theory? Do you think these three core principles that Carl Rogers laid out are necessary to establish a positive working relationship with clients? Or do you think there's more or less to establishing a relationship? We'd love to know. Share your opinions on the Facebook group page. I hope you enjoyed this lecture and found it to be helpful. Bye for now.