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Where the excitement never ends So open your ears, sit down, and relax Or Shanaynay will bust a f--king cap in your ass. [gunshot] -Hey, what's up, you guys? Welcome to a very special episode of Shane & Friends. Since it is almost Valentine's Day, I thought why not do a show about love? Because I mean, come on, who knows more about love than me? Everyone. Shut up! Beater. -Oh my, oh my, oh my, God Oh my, it's Ask Paris -Hey my little Paris-ites. Happy Valentine's Day and today is a special day because I brought my special friend who I love. Lindsay. -Hey, you guys, it's my Lindsay Lohan, and I'm so happy to be here and not in jail. Thanks for having me, Paris. -Thanks for coming. -You look hot. -You look hot too. -Do you wanna make out? -Okay. [sexy R&B music plays] Wow, that's the first time I've done that... today. [both laugh] First question. -Dear Paris, what is the meaning of life? Why do we live? -Well, I mean, I think the meaning of life is to like have condoms with you at all times. Luckily, I carry them in my purse. See? -Is that used? -Oh, I mean, only twice, I wring them out. -How green. My advice is to always carry a horse tranquilizer, 'cause you never know when a black guy is gonna hit on you. -Why the F do I have a sticker on the end of my nose? I mean, this morning, I woke up with it. -Wow, you woke up with just a sticker on your face and not cum, blood, and shit? -(both) Loser. -Dear Paris Hilton, boys suck, so what should I do? -Well, I learned a long time ago that boys really do suck so I switched to girls, 'cause they suck a lot better I mean on my vagina. -Yeah, and I know it can be really confusing and tough to go from straight to gay overnight, what do you do? Welll, that's why I have two Barbie dolls to help you out. This one's me and this one's you. -Ugh, yeah! Fuck me till I break! [both moaning] [both pant] -I need a smoke break. -Do you have any Salvia? -What are we, in kindergarten? -It's Ask Paris -No really, do you have any Salvia? -I do. -This is S-Deezy's G-Spot You better take his advice or yo' ass will get shot -Yo yo yo, welcome to the G-Spot with me, S-deezy. Now today's show is all about Valentine's Day. You know, the most romantic night of the year. Also that night when your girl is more willing to take it up the butt, Speaking of bitches that take it up the butt, we got a real special guest tonight: my grandma. -Well hello there, Stanley. -It's S-Deezy, Grandma. -Okay, Stanley. So you have a TV show, sweetheart? -Uh, yeah, you can call it that. It's more like an internet thing, it's not like... Whatever. So Grandma, why don't you tell me about your first Valentine's Day with Gramps? -I was quite the firecracker. I woke your grandpa up with nothing but a bathing suit. Drove him wild. -Wooh, man, now I know where I get my sexy confident, definitely not-cumming-early genes from. -Definitely, Stanley. If I were a young lady and of course not your grandmother, what I'd do to you...[chuckles] -Okay, Grandma, that's enough. -I would grab your crotch and lick you up the side of your face. -Okay, Grandma, that's enough. -Have you tell me I'm a bad girl and then do it up against the wall on the pool table on the swingset. [laughs] -Ooh, Wigglytuff! -[gasps] Stanley, do you just cum? -Ooh Grandma, I'm sorry, you were just getting all nasty, and then you started talking about the swing set... ooh, you know how much I wanted to have sex on a swing set, but, ooh man, you old, you had a good life. Sorry. [gunshot] Man, love that bitch. -If your life is a major bum Get some Wisdom from Shane's Mom -They say love hurts. Yeah, you know what else hurts? Being pregnant for nine months and giving birth to an eight-pound mistake that grows up to hate you. This Valentine's Day, use a hanger. -These are Shanaynay'z Tipz, motherf------ -Hey gutter-sluts and bubble-butts, Valentine's Day is just around the corner and I thought why not get some love advice from the man himself, Cupid? -I'm aware of that Cupid is typically portrayed as a man in a lot of TV shows and movies, but in reality, I'm actually a woman. I've thought about changing my name to something less masculine. [both laugh] -Oh sweetie, it's not your name that made me think that you were a man. It's your flat chest, bone structure, and haircut. So Cupid, tell me how do you make a man fall in love? -Well first, I shoot him. -Check. What's next? -No! No! God, no, I shoot him with my magic love arrow. -Oh, magic love arrow. That's what my ex-boyfriend used to call his dick. -Anyways, love isn't just about looks. Love is about finding a connection between two souls. -Hey girl, whatcha doin? No, I'm not busy. Just a second. Sorry, let me know when you're done being a boring-ass bitch. Continue. -Well, I am sorry if love is boring to you. -Just a second, girl? White bitch having a breakdown. -I am not... -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Can we wrap this up? -Oh no, but I was about to get to the part where I describe what it's supposed to feel like when you fall in love. -Supposed to? -Well, I haven't actually ever been in love myself. -You've never been in love? -No, unfortunately not. -But you're Cupid. -Yeah, I'm aware of the irony. -Okay wait, hold up crazy bitch. So you go out there and find love for everybody but yourself? -Yes. -And then you come home sit your ass on the couch, get all elbow-deep in the Chex mix, watch a bunch of Hilary Swank movies till you fall yourself to sleep? -Yeah. -And now that you're in your, I'm guesstimating here, mid-to-late fiftees. The chances of you finding a man are slim to never gonna happen? -Oh, God. -Wow, that is so sad, like that is so hopeless. I can't even imagine-- This is awkward. Oh well. Good luck finding love this year, you guys. 'Cause obviously, you're on your own. How's it hangin', girl? [laughs] I'm so bad. -Ned's Nerd World, Ned's Nerd World It's time to get techy in Ned's World -Yeah, I guess you're right. All right, Suzie, I won't kill myself today. All right, talk to you tomorrow. Oh hello citizens. Happy Valentine's Day. Although, it's usually not too happy for me considering I'm alone watching movies, eating food, masturbating until my penis just become one big bloody scab. But not this year, because I found this new dating website, I can log on and chat with girls live on the computer and you know on computers, nerds are king. All right, let's just load up the old laptop, right Hedwig? All right, let's see who's first. Oh okay, there's a fellow dude and there's his penis. All right, well, let's try this again. That's a dick. Third time's a charm. Penis. Don't worry, Hedwig, the ladies are coming, and so is that man. Perfect. But don't worry citizens, not all hope is lost for Neddy here. The webiste also has dating profiles where girls can look at my pictures and educational background. Man, I bet the girls are looking at me just swooning. [both retching] -Oh my, God, he's so ugly! -So ugly! -Call me, ladies. Me and Hedwig are waiting. -Aunt Hilda's Home and Garden Show -Oh, ya love, ya love, ya love Here's my drug Ya love, ya love, ya love Oh, I love that song. It's a total lie, 'cause I mean come on, that bitch is on a lot more than love. Meth. What are we talking about again? Oh, yeah. Valentine's Day. And my favorite part which is cooking for my loved one. But how do you decide what to make when your fridge is full of leftovers? But I thought of the perfect solution: a leftover soup. Oof! Oh my, God, that's horrible! Oh! It smells like ass. I mean.... ooh... It's really simple to make. All you have to do is put all the food that's expired from the fridge in a bowl, mix it up, and bring it to a boil. And trust me, it tastes delicious. What? You want me to taste that? Are you fucking kidding me? What, do I have a tattoo on my forehead that says Kirstie Alley? I'm not putting that on my lips just 'cause it's food. Fine, give me a spoon. Mmm, can't wait. Let me give it a little mix. Oh, I'm gonna vomit. Something's moving. Is there fish in here? It smells like chowder. Oh God, that's a chunk. Bon appetite. Oh my, God, it's burning my lips. Oh shit, oh god, it touched me. I have put a lot of bad things in my mouth, this is the worst and I've been with an Asian. Fine, fine. [spits] Oh my, God. It tastes like Lindsay Lohan's pussy-juice. You want me to swallow that? Hell no, find someone else, honey. We have this lovely audience member that has waited on the streets all day just to try my soup. -I live there. -Shut up and eat the soup. So tell me, how good is it? -[spits] -We'll be right back after this break. [grunting] Well, hope you enjoyed the show. I know I did. -Help me! [screaming] -Happy Valentine's Day. -Now it's time for Shane's Question of the Day -All right you guys, it's time for the question of the day and that is, if you could fall in love with any celebrity, who would it be? I think mine is pretty obvious, right baby? -Ooh. -[laughs] Oh, Justie. So leave you answers down below and I'll be picking some of you to win a shirt and a Valentine. And it won't be one of those shitty Valentine's either. It'll be a fancy one with a lollipop. And don't worry, it's not like I'm gonna poison it or anything. [chuckles] All right, you guys. Have a good weekend and if you don't have a Valentine, consider me your Valentine. But don't even think about Justin; he's mine. -Yeah. -See you guys later. [gunshot] -Got a little advice from Shane & Friends Hit the thumbs up buttom Or Shanaynay will f--king kill you Captioned by SpongeSebastian

Video Details

Duration: 12 minutes and 2 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: Shane Dawson
Director: Shane Dawson
Views: 308
Posted by: spongesebastian on Feb 22, 2011

Shane Dawson and Friends from ShaneDawsonTV.

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