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Align Your Environment_Final

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>> In this lecture, we're going to talk about a coaching method that's really going to be powerful for you in helping your players get the great results in life that they're playing for. Okay, so imagine this. I'm coaching a player, her name is Maris, and that is her real name by the way. So I'm coaching Maris, and Maris is trying to build a business. And we keep coming up with these great plans of all these things she can do, and most of the time, each week, when I talk with her, she hadn't done them. And I'm like, "Okay, what's really going on here?" So I figured I have to get a little deeper, and I have to try to understand what is going on with Maris. So as a coach, one of the things that you can look at in addition to your player in who they are is the environment around your player. And we have a mantra, a coach note, which is the environment always wins. Now that might sound strange, especially in the self-empowerment age, but you'll find it's true most of the time that the environment always wins. So let's take a look at what was going on with Maris. So I started talking with her more often and finding out, "Okay, Maris, well, what did you do today? What happened?" "Oh, well, I got up, and some of my friends came over, and we went for a bike ride, and we had a great day, we drank some tea." And I'm thinking, "Well, it doesn't sound like building a business." Right, so what is going on? I said, "Maris, tell me about your friends," because one of the things that you find out about people is they become like the people they're spending the most time with. And I'll explain that a little bit more in this lecture. So I said, "Maris, tell me about your friends." "Well, they're amazing people, we get together most days we go for bike rides out on Long Island, and we drink tea, and we talk about Deepak books, and we just have a great time together. I said, "These are your best friends?" She goes, "Yeah, these are my five best friends. I hang out with them all the time." I said, "Well, Maris, it's possible that your friends are creating a block to your business." I said, "Do any of your friends work or have businesses?" "Oh, no, they're all, you know, taking care of and they have, you know, husbands and they have all sorts of things, so they don't need to work or have any businesses. They're just like happy, loving people exploring life and that's, you know, how I want to be." I said, "Okay, that's awesome except if you're hanging around people who don't need to work all day and you actually need to do some work on your business, it's not going to happen because you're always going to be wanting to stay with your friends." So she really took this to heart and started thinking about how she might have to make some changes. Now I'm not saying she can't still have these friends, but if she wants to build a business at this point in her life, she's probably going to need some new friends to spend her time with in addition to the ones that she has from her past. And this is the big insight that I have found in coaching is that most people, when you look at who they are as a person, they're always adapting to the world around them, but the world around them is a picture of who they were in the past. Your environment is basically a picture of your past. And your environment includes the people, the places, the things, and the ideas that are around you all the time. And so when you start coaching someone, not only do you have to coach them and their plan and the actions they want to take and who they want to become, you also have to coach their environment. Who are they spending their time with? Who is around them? Who are they talking to? What are the things? What are the places that they're going? Because if you don't change the environment, you only try to change the person you're coaching, and the changes that you make will never be sustainable. So this is a big deal in coaching that most people don't think about. They just think about the person, they don't think about the world around the person. So let's take a little bit of a step back and try to understand what's going on here. Why is the environment so important to us? And again, remember, when I say environment, I'm not talking about just trees and birds and oceans, I'm talking about people, places, things, and ideas, this is your environment. So think about you as a human. How did you become the person that you are? It's a very big question as coaches that we need to explore. And so the way that I like to explain this is you are born with some unique qualities, superpowers, gifts, questions, desires. You were born with some amazing stuff. Then you're a little human and you get born into a place, and there's people, and there's a place, and there's things around you, and you start to learn how do I adapt to this situation. And it's not mostly not conscious learning, it happens mostly at a non conscious level. Humans are amazing at reading people, adapting to situations. And so what happens is you're a little human and you start expressing your uniqueness, and then there's a couple things that can happen. One thing might happen is the big people around you just love that they think it's so cute that you're doing this. But on the other hand, they might ignore you completely, and think, "Oh, whatever." And so you're expressing yourself and the big people are like, "Oh, whatever." And so as a little human, you think, "Oh, well, I guess I don't need to do that because that doesn't make the big people do anything." And then sometimes you might express something, you might paint a beautiful mural on your bedroom wall, and then the big people get really crazy and mad and start yelling and screaming, and what are you doing and why did you do that. And then as a little person... Little humans are amazingly smart, adaptive creatures, and so they start to learn, you start to learn, "Oh, expressing my creativity gets me into a big trouble. So I think I better curtail that in some way," and it's not a conscious thought, this is just it gets in your body, you have these emotional experiences around the big people not happy with what you're doing, and you gradually learn to be a fraction of who you were born to be. Now this might sound bad, it might sound sad, and it really isn't, it's actually part of the adventure of life because the third piece from who you were born to be and who you learned to be is then who you choose to be. And as adults, you can actually choose who you want to be in the world, and this is mostly the juicy part of coaching. As coaches, what we do is we help our players, we guide our players into choosing who they want to be in the world so that they can do what they are born to do and they can become the best version of themselves. And they can have the sweet things and the sweet moments of life that they're yearning for, but it all starts with that choosing who do you want to be. So how do you choose who you want to be? That becomes the big coaching question. And this was the big question for Maris. "Maris, who do you want to be? Do you want to be the happy lady riding bikes around Long Island or do you want to be the thriving business owner?" And given her situation and her current financial status, the business owner was a much better idea for her like, "Okay, I need to build this business. I need to create revenue." So she needed to start being around different people because the way you choose who you want to be is by changing your environment, by changing who you spend your time around, and the places, and the things, and also very importantly, the ideas that you surround yourself with. This is how you become. So you think about, as a child, how did you become who you are? By adapting to your family, the kids at school, teachers, you're always adapting, adapting, adapting. This is the human survival brain. We are born to adapt and we are amazing adapters. But that process doesn't have to stop. As coaches, it keeps going, and as coaches, we want to help our players be conscious about choosing new environments so you can bring out the best of who they want to become. And that's how you do it. So it's a combination of two things. You start with ideas and vision of purpose and what you want to do and what is your dream. And then you think of actions, and that's what most coaches do, we think of, "Oh, who do you want to be?" And you think of actions, but the part that most coaches are not aware of is the most essential ingredient for becoming is the environment, and being around the people, places, and things that will inspire you and call for you to be this new person. So if you go back to Maris, Maris decided she had to make a big move, and she actually moved. She knew she was never going to be able to make the change in the place where she was living, and she actually moved across country, she moved within in with a good friend who was a small business owner. And by moving in with her friend who was getting up every day, getting the business, getting on the phone, getting on her computer, doing all these things to build her business, Maris started getting the idea, "Oh, if I want to have a business, I need to do those kinds of things." So she started doing those things, and she started going with her friend to networking events and going with her friend to business conferences and, you know, nothing against, you know, hanging out and drinking tea and reading Deepak, but if you want to build your business, you might need to do some different things. So she started going to business conferences and hanging around business owners, and amazing things happened. Within a year, she had a great little business going. She had become a business person by hanging around different people, people that love business, people that got up in the morning and couldn't wait to do some business rather than people that got up in the morning and couldn't wait to drink tea and ride bikes. So I know this is like a really... Maybe seems like an extreme example, but this will really give you some clues about what you need to do when you're coaching someone is once you get clarity on what their dream is and then who they need to become, the next thing you need to do is start thinking of, "Okay, how can we upgrade their environment to be this picture of who they want to become?" Because you know that every human being is always adapting to their environment, that doesn't stop as you get older in life. What usually makes it seem like it stops is that we stop changing the environment. We stay in the same house, we hang out with the same friends, we do the same things with the same people, and that's why people stay the same. It's not that they lose the capacity to change, it's that they don't change up their environment, and so they don't change. So this is the big idea is that by designing the world around your player, your player can then adapt to it and become who they want to become in the world and in their life. And then when you become who you want to become, then you start taking different actions. And that's, I think, the big idea here. Okay, so let me give you some ideas on how to think about this, how to do this. And I want you to take a look at this diagram called The Connected Mind. Okay, this will give you some clues about how adapting to your environment works. So what happens is as a human, your body is always connected to your world. This is actually part of the human adaptation, you know, evolution, like humans have survived for all of these years by being experts at adapting to different kinds of environments. It's totally built into your DNA, your body, and your brain, your survival brain but especially, your social brain. And so one of the things that you just have to realize about humanity is that human beings are social animals. We are very social animals, and we are always adapting. And you don't have to try to do this. If you go to a different place and you hang around different people and they say different words or have a different accent, you'll notice that within a day or two, you start having a different accent. It just happens. Human beings are naturally through 50,000 years of adaptation, we have a human survival, imperative call, get with your tribe, stay with the tribe, do not leave the tribe. Leaving the tribe is like death. Your survival is at stake. Now this is a little different now in our lives than it was a few thousand years ago, but you got to understand, in the humanity's learning curve of 50,000 years, that most of our human experience has been you need to stick with the tribe, which is why so often you'll see when you're coaching someone and maybe they're in a job that they really don't like and it's not good for them, so like, "Well, why don't you leave?" "Yeah, I know I should leave but..." Well, what's going on there? When you are in a job, the people that you're working with whether you feel like you like them or you feel like you don't like them, that becomes your human tribe. And leaving a tribe takes a lot of conscious effort because non-consciously, your body is saying do not leave the tribe. And you think about how people stay in relationships that are not so good for them and jobs that are not so good for them. It's because of this internal human force called stay with the tribe, and your connected mind, your body and your mind, your social brain, your survival brain, it's all wired up through 50,000 years of human evolution to stay connected. And so when you think about, you know, when you're around a person, you don't even notice you're watching them, you start moving like them, you feel them, you notice every little movement on their face. If you say something, their eyebrow goes up and it's like, "Oh they didn't like that," just from this little flick of their eyebrow. What is that? That's all non-conscious human adaptation program, that's a part of who we all are. So as a coach, you just need to know this. You can't ignore it, you can't power through, you have to know it. So what do you do? You then help your player choose and consciously choose and consciously be aware of who they are spending time with, to make gradual changes, add some new friends, go to different places. And yeah, it's a challenge to do it because our natural inclination is to stay where we are, right? Play safe, stay with the tribe. So that's where coaching comes in, this is why coaching is imperative. Why very few people make a leap into a new level of success without a coach? Because as the coach, you become the guide, you say, "Okay, let's go into some new territory. I'll go with you, come with me," you know, metaphorically you take their hand, "Let's go to this place, let's try hanging out with these people," and because you are with them, either physically with them or virtually with them, they feel the empowerment to change their tribe, to change their environment, to try new things, to be in new places, to hang out with new people, to read different books, play with different ideas. So this is why... If you ever wondered why, why does coaching work, why do people need a coach, this is the reason because on our own, we're not just going to leave the tribe, we're not going to change our environment. It's too hard to do on your own. But with you, as their coach, and you guiding them and being with them, and that's the thing, being with them, being present with them, that gives them the courage and know that they have the support to make these kinds of changes. So when you're coaching someone, what you do is you know you help them identify their dream, what are the things in life that they really want, how are they going to go after them. And then you're going to help them come up with action plans and visions of who do they want to become. And that's all important. But the big piece that actually takes the most time to create that sustainable success is now you need to help your player start to choose their own environment and choose an environment that's a match for the game they want to play. Like Maris, if she wants to play the game of business, she needs to choose a new environment and be around people that are doing business, being in places where business is happening so that she could become a business person and then get business results. Nothing is wrong with being around the spiritual quest, people that want to drink tea and read Deepak, it's beautiful, but that was her old dream. If your player has a new dream, which that's usually when people hire a coach is when they have a new dream, when you have a new dream, you need to create a new environment with your player. And that's why, you know, my mentor Thomas Leonard, he always used to say that coaches, really ultimate of coaching is you're an environmental designer, you're co-creating with your player the environment they need to become the person that can win the game that they are wanting to play. And one last story on that. I was a soccer coach for many years, and my mentor and the head coach of the team Coach Manny Schellscheidt. When I was interviewing for the job as his assistant soccer coach, which I did for 14 years, not interview but I had the job for 14 years, he asked me, "What do you think is the most important thing as a coach?" And I was like, "Oh, jeez, I don't know, coach, it's like, we got to make sure the guys are fit, they're working out, they're sprinting, they're ready to play." He goes, "Yeah, that's important, but that's not the most important." I said, "Is it, you know, skills. You got to make sure the guys are really good with the ball." He said, "Yeah, that's important, but it's not the most important." I said, "Gee, coach, I don't know. What is the most important thing?" He said, "The most important thing you will ever do as a coach is create an environment for your player where the game comes to life. And if your player is in an environment where the game is alive, then they will become alive with the game, and that's how they will love the game and live it, and that's how they'll start getting the results that they want." I feel very good for you as a coach if you start thinking about this and thinking of how can I bring this into my coaching, whether it's leadership or health or whatever you're doing, if you put a fair amount of attention on the players' environment, your players will start getting much better results, and you will look really awesome as a coach.

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Duration: 21 minutes and 50 seconds
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Language: English
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Posted by: integrativenutrition on Jul 6, 2018

Align Your Environment_Final

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