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Review of The Bachelorette Cast

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First we have Ben G. He looks like the guy who would coordinate the Bachelor Party. And he like thinks it's so cool to get matching t-shirts that say like, "TEAM GROOM!" Brian B. So Brian kinda looks like he was a Gap model when he was a kid. And then he was a K-Mart model. And then K-Mart went out of business. And now he's here... Peter W. Y'all remember Doug Funny from Nickelodeon? I think this is him in real life! Ryan S. Ryan has a tattoo of an ex-girlfriend on his arm. Scott A. Scott's hair looks like a chia pet. Thomas S. Thomas looks like he won a camper on "The Price is Right." I actually met Cam at the After the Final Rose 'cause he rapped to me. I hope he wraps me up in his arms on that first night at the mansion. Chasen C. He's maybe been chasin' around real young girls. And like, he's only 27, but he looks like he could be a sugar daddy. Connor J. He still thinks girls like receiving teddy bears. Now we have Connor S., and his hair just kinda looks like 7th grade when you're trying to be cool with the Justin Bieber swoop. Darron. If you're darin' for me to tell you the truth... Darron looks about 45 and that he's retired from the NFL. Devin H. He's kinda framing his crotch like this... and I feel a lil bit uncomfortable. Dustin K. Dustin's like closing his jacket in his picture. Like, "Oh, don't look at me!" I'm like, "Do you have pepperoni nipples?" I feel like Dylan B. is gonna sit me down and ask me how much I have in my retirement funds right now. Or he's gonna have a weird foot fetish. Now we have Garrett P. All I can see right here with this hair is Johnny Bravo from Cartoon Network. Grant E. I feel like Grant is making money off Rogaine commercials. Hunter J. Hunter looks like the kind of student that turns in his project way too early. And you're like, Okay, we get it. Like, you're an overachiever! Ok Jed W. Jed's first question when he meets the guys is like, "What brand of protein do you use?!" Joe B. All I can see here is Lord Farquaad from Shrek. Joe R. looks really not happy to be here. Joey J. Joey, you gotta put on some SPF honey. You look like a tomato. John Paul J. I feel like he's gonna come up and be like, "I'm John Paul G" (*bad French accent*) And I'm gonna have to call him, "John Paul J." (*bad French accent*) Ok Jonathan S. definitely won student body president in high school. I mean, hands down! Kevin F. I'm a little bit afraid he's gonna ask me to ride his tractor. in a dirty way... Ok Luke P. In this photo, it looks like he's staring into my soul and ripping it out of my body. Luke S. I just saw Captain Marvel. I feel like Luke S. is just a skrull of Nick Viall. And I'm like, "Why did you choose to be a skrull of Nick Viall when he's been on the show four times and he's still single?" Matt D. is from Los Gatos. And I think that means cats in Spanish. And I'm just afraid he's gonna start like coming up to me going, "Meow! Meow!" Matt S. takes every girl on the first date to Red Lobster. Ok Matteo V. His thumbs are pointing to his crotch too. Like, these guys are like... Are they insinuating something? Mike J. His hands are on his pockets curled up. Are you like afraid production's gonna come grab you? So you're like hangin' on for dear life to your pants?! Ok Tyler C. I feel like Tyler just automatically thinks that you want to go home with him like right when he says, "Hi." And you're like, "I just said hi!!" Lastly we have Tyler G. I really hope that Tyler gets this explosive fart that he's holdin' in in this picture out before I meet him.

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Duration: 4 minutes and 52 seconds
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Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
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Views: 1
Posted by: kjohns5893 on Apr 9, 2019

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